A Day at the Hospital

Little Red Riding Hood, sitting on a brick bench,
regulated for smokers out-side the hospital,
out of view and out of thought.
I met her there, needing a smoke badly
as hubby was undergoing a heart cauterization.
All ready feeling guiltily as hell,
I thought, thank God here is another
person I can talk too.

Little Red was about 40,
her sister was in ICQ also,
Her sister is insisting on ending her life.
Red's eyes were almost as bright as her hair,
which glistened with the beauty
you find sometimes with true redheads,
all the glories in one head of hair,
but Red wasn't feeling much glory.
Her sister had drank root remover and for
a top off drank a bit of pine-sol just to finish the job.
This was her 3rd attempt as ending her life.
This time they are afraid it is going to work.
Kidneys shutting down, dialysis
is not removing the carbon deposited from the root remover.
Red doesn't know who is going to
take care of the children,
the three left behind
for want of removing
much more than roots.

Next trip down the elevators, someone yells my name,
well almost, called me Vicki,
Then says, " no, your Bobbie, right?
I replied in the affirmative, and she told me
I was her playground teacher back in grade school.
I really wasn't a playground teacher,
but didn't figure this was the time to discuss
the in's and out's of teacher playground duties,
and was pleased she remembered me.
I have aged a tad in 25 years.
It must have been the hat I was wearing,
I always wore hats, before I outgrew wearing them,
I am going back to wearing hats, and blue beads.

Her brother Theo, was in intensive care, dying of liver disease,
now Theo I remember well, he was in my discipline room a lot in middle school
A good kid, just always finding trouble,
like some kids find coins lying in the street..
I guess at age 25 he has drank himself to death.
They were calling in the family.
I went up stairs and talked to Theo's Mom,
asked her if she needed anyone to talk to,
she wanted a Priest,
so I went to the main desk to arrange that,
wondering why in the hell, that hadn't been done already.

I ache for Theo and his family,
I later heard his Dad came to pay his last respects to his Son,
and had to be kicked out of the hospital
because he was so drunk he couldn't stand up.
He screamed and screamed, "but my Son, but my Son.
His sister told me the Dad fed Theo alcohol like a new mother feeds her baby milk.
She had no sympathy for her Father. I kind of do. I am not sure why.

Two deaths from wreck on the interstate, two 23 year olds¦
I am at exhaustions limit. I have tears falling in rivers.
I don't know why, NOW, I am a blubbering wreck, but I am.
Chris LaDeax died this week, he sang songs about Wyoming,
I loved Chris LeDoux, he was 56.
No more songs about the Power River Basin,
he made me remember why I love Wyoming so much.
I didn't cry when he died, I just felt bad.
Garth Brooks loved Chris LaDeaux also,
we saw them perform together in Cheyenne a few years ago.
Wish Garth would make a new album, hell even a new song,
and make me feel like that young Wyo girl
that is getting hidden in life moments.
I don't really like major life moments.
I like mountains and basins.

Hubby is getting better, might be released tomorrow.
He tells me, "for gosh sakes go home and rest, your falling apart here.
I said I felt to guilty to go. "Guilty about what?, he wants to know.
I have no answer for him.
My Daughter and her Husband are on their way up to the hospital.
I decided if I don't drive home now, I won't be able too.
I know I will not sleep all night, a worthless effort,
but the dog needs out, and I need to play catch with her for a minute or two.

Wake up, 8 hours later, fully clothed,
television blaring, lights on all over the house,
I never made it past the couch.
Call the number they gave me to check on Hubby,
He is sleeping well, having a good night. I go back to the couch,
turn up TV to catch up on the early morning news,
I love 24 hour news channels, but they are making me go insane.
I fall back to sleep until 7 am. Get the paper,
Theo isn't in the obits, guess he is still battling.
Maybe his Dad can get sober in time.

Hubby gets to come home, I wish they would keep him a couple more days.
They added stints, I don't understand stints.
Our lives will change.
I like our lives right now.
They give us a huge bunch of stuff telling us what do to.
Hell I don't even know what to cook for supper.
Doctors says "go back to regular schedule.
Nurse says, no ICE CREAM, no lifting,
all tell me to quit smoking, like that is going to cure his high cholesterol¦damn,
I am happysad. What's next? I didn't get my poem done yesterday.
I have to start over.

Bobbie Kilzer Gogain

Paint me back home in Wyoming looking for Chris Ledoux's Calico Moon