Bicycle Clips

The indifferent herbaceous borders stare back with insufficient regard as to the overwhelming significance of our bespoke bicycle clips as they glitter and glister in the morning sunlight, as Maureen and I - once more - mount our tandem in our seemingly never-ending quest to bring you tales of instruction and stories of edification.

You may ask - and I'll admit it is a fair question - why we don such accoutrements when we are renowned throughout Little-Frigging-In-The-Wold and environs - and now (through this… er… whatever it is) throughout the worldwide interwebnets thingy - for our staunch belief in the bounteous benefits of naked tandem riding.

Yes, you may well indeed ask.

Oh, you want me to answer?

Sorry.

Right.

Well, as you may have gathered from your, no doubt astute and frequent perusals of this, my rather splendid organ, neither Maureen nor I are still in the first flush of youth. Consequently, as you may know - being of the sort of reflective, philosophical and mature cast of mind that this… er… whatever it is seems to attract - that there comes a time to all of us when things that once stood proud and firmly upright begin to suffer from the remorseless pull of gravity.

So, in order to avoid painful and sometimes embarrassing accidents: for example, (and this may tend to make readers of the gentle sex - and some ladies - wince a little, for which I apologise in advance) I need only mention the possible disastrous consequences of an inappropriately secured mammary coming into conflict with the cycle chain, or a incautiously placed scrotum in the vicinity of a rapidly rotating tandem pedal, not to mention nipples and the danger from too-rapidly applied brake handles.

I think such examples do demonstrate the necessity of bicycle clips for the - shall we say - more mature naked tandem rider. I, therefore, hope that you gentle reader, take such freely-proffered advice to heart and henceforth proceed with all due diligence when attempting such adventures.

I bid you good day.