Letter #1

May 6th 2011

To Crimson M.A, my dearest penpal,

Hi, it is nice to able to talk to you again. Are you feeling better now? I hope it is not as depressing like the last time you sent me a letter. I would dislike seeing someone being horrible to you again. People do that to others, however. I think it is bound to happen because it is a part of suffering in human lives, I don’t really know for sure. Also, I would love to ask why exactly you dislike humans in general, Crimson-san. I know some of them are horrible to others, but we could not overlook the fact that humans can also be the most incredible beings on earth. Humans are indeed wonderful and curious creatures, don’t you think? Some od them are able to do things that are beyond our normality and comprehension. Such as people who are athletic, for example. They are able to jump higher compared to most people in their environment and I find it very amazing. Others could also include artists who are capable of thinking out of the box freely as if they are not living in this world, yet they are. Boundaries are almost limitless for them to reach and it looks as if they are free to do everything on their own accord.

When the freedom is reached, then they also reached a new scope of living life which in turn… sprouts more challenges in life that they could take on. However, this is also limited by their standards. Humans are complicated beings that are capable to do things that are out of the ordinary. Or at least, that’s what I think they are. Sometimes I do not even know from where did they receive their strength from and I am curious as to where from they received it. Socially, perhaps… but it could be more than just social factors. It is truly an impressive thing still.

And as I said before, some of them are also upsetting. For example, I met a person the other day. He’s a pretty sour person… even if I find him an interesting person. He was really rough and horrible. I mean, I was trying to be nice to him but what I got from him was lecture after lecture about how I could not tell which way was my house! It was degrading! It was as if I could not do anything right. It was not my fault that I got lost often, though. I get distracted easily by things that are around me. Like how once I saw a small Pomeranian on the streets. It was looking at me with those big and cuddly eyes and I couldn’t help myself to come over and ask the owner about how to take care of a Pom toy dog. I wish I could have a pet someday. Anyhow, I tried being nice to that person yet I get nagging back instead. He didn’t say anything, however. He only gave me a look and a cold shoulder afterwards… I even bought him a treat to make him a little happier than he seems. But again, he does not seem to have a liking on me.

Yet, I couldn’t help but think that he is the person that I could be myself with. I don’t really care if he does not care about me or anything, I just wanted to be friends with him and I hope he could understand. Again, I don’t know how to feel… because he constantly makes me feel really small and insignificant. There were moments that I could see him being a little gentler, but most of the time (when me met), he told me off… and then take me to where ever I want to go. He’s a confusing person; although that is exactly what makes him interesting. I also tried finding out more about his likes and dislikes. And it looks like he has a misanthropic tendency like you do, Crimson-san. I think the both of you should meet with each other in the future. It would be great to have someone to talk your heart out too, really! Like exactly what I am doing right now with you. I would also like to get to know you better, Crimson-san, even though the chances of us seeing each other may be thin. I am in Ikebukuro right now and you’re in a faraway place in Tokyo. Well, not exactly faraway, but still. There are millions of people in this world, including Japan. Who knew when we meet each other, or perhaps we have met without knowing it! It’s a ridiculous thought, but it would be thrilling if that happens! It would be like destiny!

Do forgive me if I rant too much about that. I would be really thrilled to see you someday. Speaking of which, I would also like to give some information about myself. My name is Beni Tsuki. It is an alias that I always use in some communities for security reasons. I might tell you my real name if we get closer later, though and I would love that to happen. I love having friends (or in this case, a friend) to share my thoughts with.

Anyhow, I should begin with my favorite things. From my name, I think you could already tell that I love the color red. Red, for me, is a color that resembles passion and bravery. It is a color that I look up to because of its symbolism… and it is also something that I am not able to do out in the open. I may be passionate, but I hide that passion to not feel out of place. I may also be brave on the inside, but being brave in taking risks somehow scares me big time. I think you got a small glimpse of me now; I also want to know about you more, ne? And one more thing: I have a passion for poems. I might be sending you one or two one of these days and I have been looking for someone to exchange my poems to, would you like to be one?

Sincerely yours,
Beni Tsuki