Depression

Is It Depression?


"Is it crying all the time when things go wrong?"
"NO!" Most of us do that at some point.


"It's waking up to a normal morning, and being sure of what
to do. Get dressed, make tea, sort yourself out or sort the kids
first.


Pretty Normal.


"It's getting in the car and going off to work, dropping your
kids off at school on the way. After work doing the grocery shopping
before school ends."


Again Pretty Normal.
Doesn't show much at first, but soon reveals its ugly self to
us.


"It was the morning you woke up, but still felt tired and
wanted to sleep longer, it was getting dressed realising you hadn't
washed the top you was going to wear that still sat on top of the
laundry basket of dirty washing. It was when you made your tea, you put
the sugar into the teapot instead of your cup."
But you laughed it off?????..we all do that.


"It was calling the kids to get out of bed then shouting at
them because you was worried about being late."
You didn't realise but the kids soon told you.
"Mum its Saturday, no school today."


You felt stupid but laughed it off.


"It was like the Friday morning, you did the same sort of
things, you put the dirty laundry in the tumble dryer, you took the
kids to school, went to work then couldn't remember driving there. The
same as the time you went shopping and couldn't remember what it was
you went there for, you couldn't work it out could
you?"


Lets face it you never needed a shopping list
before.


"It was when you bumped into your friend and had a good chat.
At least you got away with the fact you couldn't remember her
name."


Feeling Really Stupid Now.
Was the same when she invited you round for tea.


"I'll be home Tuesday morning, pop round for a cup of tea and
we'll have a good natter."


Didn't need to write it down did you?


"Tuesday morning came and you knew there was something you
was going to do, but had no recollection of what it was. Came to you
late morning when your friend phoned to see where you had got
to."


"I forgot" you said, and laughed it off with
her.


The Stress Is Showing.


"You had a friend pop by to see you, made her tea instead of
the coffee she asked for. The time lapse between being asked for coffee
and making tea is not long is it."


Nevermind.


"You put the dishwasher on and used washing up liquid in the
machine, you wondered why it was full of suds at the end of the cycle
when you opened the door."


Collecting the kids from school would be easy though, just a
short run down the road. Well, you would have thought so wouldn't
you?"


"Upset you quite a lot when the phone rang and it was the
school to ask where you were and why the kids hadn't been collected.
Brought you to floods of tears, but you didn't admit that you actually
forgot you had them."


The Excuse Came.


"Sorry I was stuck in traffic and didn't have my phone on me
to call."


Not the best excuse is it, you wouldn't have been at home
when she rang would you?


"Your not thinking straight."


Embarrassing isn't it?


"You apologised to the kids who seemed fine about it. You
took them home as all went back to normal."



Carried On And Got Worse.


"It started to bug you didn't it? and the laughing it off
came to an end.


Someone told you, you had depression.
"Is it depression."
"NO, not yet."


"You done things, changed things, kept busy, rushed around
hoping it would go away. Just a phase your going through I
suppose."


Wrongly Thought.


"Your bills, you forgot to pay some of them but remembered
when the final notices came through the door, by which time the money
had been spent, now you know why you had to much money in the bank that
you worried about, spent it anyway thinking of it as a bonus and
treated yourself to cheer yourself up."


Tears.


"The tears of your confused mind started to roll in, but you
knew why you was crying, you couldn't cope. Not with life itself but
the strange things you were doing and the out of the ordinary
forgetfulness you had gained."


It Carries On.


"Not only did you forget to put the bins out on Wednesday
morning as usual, you forgot to feed the dog and take the meat out of
the freezer for your own dinner and then sat and cried about it all.
The same as the time you put the meat in the oven and forgot to switch
it on, yet all the vegetables had been cooked."


But still, there's nothing wrong with you is
there?


"You came home from work, prepared dinner, got some housework
done, fetched the kids from school, dished up dinner, done the washing,
watched a little T.V, see the kids to bed, tided up, had five minutes
to yourself and felt quite satisfied."


YOU'VE DEVELOPED DEPRESSION.


"You did have a good day, everything went smoothly,
everything got done, everyone was happy, you had time for yourself,
enjoyed the quiet. But you started crying, nothing upset you and you
started crying."


Didn't laugh that off did you?


"You felt even more stupid, you had a run of good days,
everything was getting better, not forgetting so much, and just
occasionally crying and not knowing why."


Kids Seem To Be Happy.


"But then came a temper tantrum from one of them, easily
dealt with, but you, you cried over it, you couldn't cope with it, you
got angry and shouted, thought the kids didn't care because they
wouldn't do as they were told. You didn't know why you felt like you
did and just cried. friends came round to visit, you enjoyed yourself,
had a drink, had a laugh, even felt good about your self, went a little
over the top, went on a high and felt wonderful."


Won't Last Long.


"The company you had enjoyed before, you didn't see much of,
the drink you drank became more frequent when you was on your own, the
laughter became less and when you did try to laugh at things it felt
false. The good you felt turn's into feelings of crap, tired, exhausted
and drained, the high feeling turn's to low self esteem, the feelings
of being on top had you feeling you had hit rock bottom and the
wonderful you felt disappeared into feeling
worthlessness.


DARLING NOW YOU HAVE DEPRESSION.


"You won't go to the Dr's, don't want pills, don't want a
name given to your stupidity, will go on its own, just need a few
things to go right, you'll see the light at the end of the
tunnel."


Do you see a light and an end?


"You woke up this morning crying, how could you be crying?
you only just opened your eyes still swollen from last nights crying
over nothing."


What did you do last night?


"You stayed at home and watched T.V, but you didn't watch it,
you sat flicking it from channel to channel, drank lots of tea, was
hungry but was hard work to eat so filled up on tea, drinking till tea
till your full is easy."


SELF NEGLECT.


"Hairs not looking to shiny, had a bath but couldn't be
bothered to shave your legs could you? Winter anyway and only wear
trousers so that don't matter, did wash your hair, not for the want of
doing it but because it had been over a week since you last bothered.
House is in a bit of a mess and hover hasn't seen the light of day for
a while. That doesn't matter does it? always tomorrow or the day after,
or the day after that????.