Omar's Diary 4th January 2015
By Alan Russell
There is something very seriously wrong with the new yellow banana that I was presented with on Friday evening. It just does not give me the buzz that I have had from previous ones. Consequently it is languishing on the carpet in the spare room. Things are just not made the way they used to be.
Earlier today I saw the man servant’s blue kit bag being brought in from the garage. This can only mean that he is going away again and I will be left alone with the lady servant. I do hate it when man servant goes away. You must by now have realised that I have got lady servant trained up to my exacting standards. But as far as man servant is concerned; another week of training this week would have had him jumping through fire hoops for me.
It is all going to be set back so badly unless he is only away for one night. He has not packed much so I hope it is only one night.
I met the feline from next door, Lagerboy, through the frosted glass next to my front door. When I say ‘Lagerboy’ I may be misrepresenting his class. I don’t want you to think that he is a Tennents lager type so often associated with rough behaviour. I feel that to be fair to him he is more of a Peroni lager type. A bit smooth at times, out for a good time but also quite streetwise as well. I am sure he is a good sort really.
Later this evening I then saw lady servant putting items of clothing in the blue kit bag which most definitely are not the sort of thing man servant would wear unless he has a secret. I have been alone with him and never seen him wear those sorts of clothes.
It then got worse.
‘Sue is going to pop in sometime between twelve and two and make sure Omar and the chavs get their lunch’ lady servant said.
Between twelve and two! That really is a bit fast and loose with the old routine. I must eat at twelve thirty.
I am distraught. What about breakfast and dinner and who is going to make sure the heating is on? That means those clothes are not for man servant but for lady servant who must be going away as well. How long are they are going away for? Oh, I do hope it is just for one night especially as they only seemed to have arranged one visitor to look after me. I wish they would consult me before making any plans. I just feel so left out.