nightmares

I feel like my body
is a slow, pressure cooker
and the world just wants to watch
me squirm. A worm. Nothing better to
do than sit on the sidewalk and get stepped
on by you. Are you looking at my head, or are
you looking at my bum? Are you going to rip out
my insides and stick me on a hook? Find a nice
outlook and toss me over the side? I'm being
cooked alive. What does it matter if I
take a dive?

I keep
waking up
in the middle of
the night. I woke
up at one A.M., and then
again at four. It was to the
sound of opening doors. Creaking
floors. I imagine these things
so that nobody has to be alone.
Ghosts, float; find your way
into the boat. I'm going
to catch you a nice
fish.

I had a nightmare about clowns,
sounds. A friend backfired on our group
and was trying to kill us all. I was the one
saving them. I took out the wire that was pumping poisonous gas, put it under the closet door and
pointed out that she was trying to kill our asses!
I grabbed the metals, rolled my petals, and
when she came near, got in gear, and hit
her over the head. Made her a nice bed.
My friends escaped. I closed the door,
locked it, and thought about calling
her a whore. That, however, would
be rude--and, though she was
trying to kill us, it also
thrilled us, and I couldn't
bring myself to do it. So,
off I set it, strew it out!
Couldn't do it! But then
there was a water spout. A backyard.
A fountain, a courtyard. A loitering around.
It seemed happy. Us, getting out of town. Getting
around. Aground. Setting our feet on actual soil and
seeing that the world wasn't entirely spoiled.
Then came the clowns, though; it wasn't my
kind of show. I guess that appeared when
the one with the beard came up with a
butcher knife and sliced my neck. My
friends didn't give a heck. They'd
already locked me out.

I don't think
I even tried
to shout.

I woke up. I'm
trying not to be sad
again. Nightmares are not
my friends. My hands are not
shaking, and I am not breaking,
because I've got things to do
today. People to approve of me
today. I can't be in a groove
today. I'm trying to improve
today. I'm going to school
today. I just can't bring myself
to say hurray...