Caviar is Just Another Ethnic Food

Caviar is Just Another Ethnic Food by J.B. Pravda

"Vassily, things are really shitty here, Caspian Sea or not" was the
echoe of a complaint heard and reheard, this time once too many, from
Sasha Kindiski.

He was, of course, right; prices were much better under the old
apparatchik quasi-black market under the Soviets; now, even if the way
was now clear to sell their Beluga to goddam American yuppies, it was
all too pass?, a worn-out luxury product whose time had long since
passed----the rich had moved on to all kinds of other weird endangered
species; no, there had to be another way to market their fish
eggs.

"Russian Mexican food!" blurted Vassily "Our approach has been all
wrong. From now on, is peasant food, good for you, too, will get good
Russian ?migr? doctors in America to say" was his revelation.

"Hey, you know, could work" pondered Sasha, now visibly
energized.

"But what about that stupid triangle toast rich used to put it on?"
Sasha's smile became a grimace.

"Simple: caviar burritos, tacos, enchiladas" the menu was now forming
in Vassily's brain. "We take on Mexican front partners to get NAFTA
deals, eh?" he was in high gear now.

"Vassily, I propose Stoly toast to us&;#8230;..Caspian Canning
Combine, new king of ethnic food empire of North America, then world!"
Sasha searched for his hidden bottle of vodka.

"Wait, what about goddam Mafiya!?" Vassily had deflated the celebration
as abruptly as it had begun.

A large man, clad in leather, surly in his demeanor suddenly burst
through the door, like some sort of genie had emerged from their
Aladdin's bottle.

"So, now you two are rich executives?" the mountain-like humanoid
paused for effect. "Get back to work, or you're out of here!!" he,
their foreman, demanded.

Sporkin Vegnutin, the aforesaid factory official, was, it happened, a
moonlighting Mafiya member who, having overheard the potential venture,
had gone to his superiors with the idea. Intrigued, the Mafiya
undertook to contact their counterparts in America who confirmed the
wisdom of the undertaking. True to their creed of greed, the Mafiya
proceeded to adulterate the caviar shipments with inferior product
largely stolen from hatcheries all over Russia. Nevertheless, the
scheme went undetected; in fact, the public raved about the exotic
flavor of the new food craze peddled by the spectacular chain of
restaurants styled as "Rush-in Take-out".

Needless to say, the two whose dream this was soon were laid off by the
closure of the caviar packing plant; destitute, having been left out of
the scheme by the Mafiya, they waited for their chance at revenge. They
saw their chance after a food-poisoning epidemic caused the death of
hundreds from the increasingly tainted fish product purveyed by the
Mafiya.

A worldwide crackdown on the Mafiya forced it back into hiding, a mere
shadow of its once imposing shadowy enterprises.

In Mexico City, standing with the Mexican Presidente himself, Vassily
and Sasha signed a longterm deal with their new partners for the
acquisition of the now bankrupted 'Rush-in' chain of restaurants, now
featuring genuine Russian caviar from North of the Caspian, Beluga
itself from the same factory now acquired from the Russian government.
Bristling with pride, the two Russians reveled in their future success,
now with the imprimatur of the Mexican government itself.

They were particularly proud of their shrewdness and the fact that the
only major share to the Mexicans had been the beverage concession.