The Thursday Poem

All mixed up and numb
That's how I feel right now, right here
Was it because I couldn't breathe in what might be good?
Was I scared to commit?
Did I hold the bud of resentment
Which flowered so tall, only to breathe fire on us both?

I sometimes felt misunderstood
An equation you hadn't got right
Trying so hard to be strong
My inherent weakness beating like a drum behind my heart.

I was told I was wonderful,
how I loved
that.
How I loved that feeling
And loved in return
Until it burned through me to sting at my eyes

There were barriers
Mine, yours, lifes'
So consumed with the feeling,
You with yours
Me with mine
'Ours' lost in between perhaps.

High up here, I knew I would fall
From the lofty height of your esteem.
One wrong word and the whip slashed hard
So easy to offend, you and I.

The room for movement felt tight and small
Like my snivelling mess dripping onto the telephone line.
I had passed your point and when I crumbled
I fell,
Into your glaring disappointment.

You asked why I let you down.
It was never my goal,
Only my baggage and needs couldn't lay at ease
But manifested themselves in stupidity and recklessness

I only hope one thing
One thing for you to take
When the mist of your fear and angry fog evaporates
You remember I loved you
And you loved in return
And I am human.
And in love we burn.