Five, again

If only I had a playground
To sit on under a tree
And silently tell myself
There are other kids in the classroom,
And smile when someone asks me to play cats cradle -
Then I would be five again -
trying to find a niche
Trying to fit.
Instead I have my room
Hardened to my wishes
Where I sit and wonder if anyone wants to play tig,
While I wish I was five again -
And things could be fixed with a skipping game.
I am not five
Though the feeling in my stomach that pulls me back in time -
Identical
And hurts all the same
When I realise you don't want me.