I'm Finished

I'm finished. The last of the gear is safe in the car.
"See ya soon, Sam. We'll go on holiday, get out of this mess, clear
off." I shout, my voice sailing across the silent dark night to Sam on
the doorstep.
"Aye mate, whatever you say. Just make sure you get the cash." He wants
to believe me, he really does. I know I do.
I smile sadly and slam the boot shut; I've a long drive ahead. Got to
get to Tutbury by two else the whole damn thing will fall through,
months of business down the drain. Yes - business. It's not a problem;
I could do it with my eyes shut now.
I walk round to the front of the car and jangle my keys nervously; part
of me wants to stay here, where it's warm and safe, the other to go. I
turn and wave to Sam; he gives me his good luck salute, turns on his
heel, and shuts the door.
Suddenly I feel alone, not just because there's no one with me - there
never is - but for something else. I feel alone from the whole world,
like a stranger, like I don't belong. Do I belong?
I get in, do up my seatbelt - it always pays to be careful. My good old
Polo has never done me any harm. She keeps me company on my long
journeys - so why do I feel alone? Why tonight, what's different about
tonight?

This run is always done in the dark. I don't know why, but that's the
way it started and that's the way it will go on. Not for much longer
though, on day I'll get myself out of this mess, settle down and have a
family. But how?
I drive off, petrol...check, fags...check, all the
rest...check...check, check, check.
Why do I feel so weird? I've done this run a million times; it's always
been easy. Cruise there, cruise back. What's my problem? God I need a
drink.
I pull in and light a fag, the hazy smoke calms me down and I begin to
relax.
Relax - so why is it the muscles in my gut tighten every time a car
goes past? I'm drawing too much attention to myself here, best move on.
Sooner I get there, sooner I get back. Back to what? Calm down Joe,
calm down.
I pull out onto the road and drive off, gradually the nicotine kicks in
and once more I'm my normal self. Easy going Joe - that's what they
call me. Who are they? Don't ask.

A few hours later and I've an hour to go. The road's deserted; the
sky's black and I haven't seen a car for miles. I'm driving like I
should be now. Everything's going to plan. I'll be there in an hour.
Make the drop, pick up the cash and get out. Get back to Sam, back
where it's safe and warm.
A bit ago I almost mucked up. Almost. For a minute I thought I was
finished forever. I was driving with fag in hand to make up for lost
time and drifted off into the smoky haze. Next thing I knew there was a
tree straight in front, it looked almost as scared as me! Luckily for
me I got my head straight just in time and swerved before I hit
it.
It shook me up a bit but I'm happy now; my job is almost done. The
worst bit is over, the driving with no one but Polo to speak to is
dull, but it pays the rent.
I look into my mirror; there's a car behind - too far away for me to
make out. On these country roads you can see car headlights for miles
as they sweep through the sky. It's travelling pretty fast though, this
guy's lucky the police aren't around, he'd get done for speeding in no
time. I take a long pull on my fag, breathing slowly and deeply.
Something hidden in the corner of my mind tells me to check the
mirror.

Shit, it's the pigs. They must have got wind somehow. But how? We're
good at this job, Sam and me. If I get caught now, my life won't be
worth living. I may be stupid but I'm not that stupid - I read the
rules before I play the game. If I get caught with this much gear on me
I'm down as a dealer and in for a long time. That's what you are Joe, a
dealer. Maybe it's hidden well enough, Sam and I spent long enough
building the case on the bottom of the car, maybe I'm safe. Maybe, just
maybe. No way, I'm not taking chances. How fast can you go Polo? Oh
sweet, sweet Polo.
My hand moves to the gearstick and my foot tenses over the accelerator.
My eyes flicker, road to mirror, road to mirror. They're not gaining -
yet. I shift my eyes for too long; my foot can't find anything. I feel
the car lose the smoothness of the road and begin to bump. My hands
spin the wheel hopelessly, I lift my head and glance at what fate is
before me. It's the tree, the same face is screaming at me. The same
one? It can't be.
This time there's no luck, for me or the tree. The front of the car
collapses under the force. I jerk forward, my seatbelt holding me in.
There's pain, intense pain for a moment and then it's gone. I'm
okay.
I sit back and wait for them. It feels like eternity. I'm
finished.

Here on the 9 o'clock news we are sorry to announce a horrific death.
The man, who has not been named, died when he lost control of his
D-registered Volkswagen Polo and left the road on the A511 near
Tutbury, as police in a marked Volvo patrol car attempted to stop him
for a routine matter. A Staffordshire Police spokesperson said the man
was certified dead at the scene. Investigators are appealing for
witnesses, if you think you have some useful information then call this
number 01424 223678.

The gear, they never even found the gear.