Liberating Linda

It had been a messy business, our separation. The breaking of bonds
fused in youth with passion, adoration and deep love. The worst kinds
of bonds to break. I had wanted to keep my vows, - but- it hadn't
worked out that way. I still felt, after two years without him, that he
was there, beside me - like some phantom limb after the amputation of
divorce. The ghost of the man walked behind me at every step.
But it was Summer, and conference time, and I had been hibernating too
long.

I first started thinking about another man in the Spring. I noticed on
a sunshine day, after laughing and chatting happily with a young
beautiful Irishman, my nipples had tensed - slightly, just ever so
slightly, under the blouse I was wearing specially to meet him. I
remember the tears prickling in my eyes at my betrayal, and the sound
of my spectre-man's footsteps fading as they walked a decent distance
from our laughter. But with a sinking feeling of certainty, I realised
the time had come.
I asked myself a hundred questions to which I already knew the answers
(you know how we do that when we give ourselves a good talking to?")
Like:-
" Did I want to live alone for always?"
" Was my celibacy part of the deal?"
" Should I forget forever the tingle of another's touch?"
" Would HE be giving himself such a hard time when the sap was
rising?"

So I had signed up for five days conference. It would make a nice
change anyway. The papers looked very interesting and it was important
for my career. I accepted secretly however that I was on another
mission. To rise from the ashes of my marriage like the phoenix and
find myself a man, - for the liberating of Linda!

The conference was unbelievably boring, I couldn't concentrate, my
mission was interfering with my concentration. A smile from him, a
glance to another, a brush on the elbow from one -but not the one-
nobody to interest me, then, in the front row - there he was.

He was a strange choice! A tall, slight man with strawberry blond hair,
that was a bit fuzzy and thinning on top. We spotted each other. Smiles
- brilliant toothy white flashing smiles - and it was settled between
us. Nice voice.
"Dinner?" he said.
"Yes" I replied.

We arranged to meet by the student blocks and walk to a restaurant,
stopping off for a drink of something alcoholic on the way.
I had dressed. Not just putting on my clothes but attention to detail -
particularly undergarments. No comfortable pants from my drawer at home
but a scarlet lacy little piece (that frankly I felt ridiculous in). It
had to be done.
We had a pleasant and sizeable drink and got to know each other a
little. It was going well. He stroked my hand whilst he was reaching
for the ashtray, then took my arm as we walked slightly askew towards
the Spanish Restaurant. Table for two. In the corner. Flashing smile.
Glass of wine. I'd played this game before.

The waiter hummed songs of Seville as he bought us our Paella for two.
Perfect.

It was huge! A huge Paella. It had yellow rice, peas, peppers and
tomatoes and mussels and prawns and &;#8230; everything. A
multi-coloured feed. "Tuck in" he said as he sucked a mussel from its
shell sexily.

That did it. I started to shake. It started inside where nobody could
see but it soon moved to the outside and to my hand that was holding
the fork that was piled with Paella.
"I am so sorry!" I spluttered as the Paella covered the table, yellow
rice, red peppers and tomatoes, prawns and peas rolling off the edge on
to the floor beneath me. I piled the fork with food again and almost
made it to my mouth before the second tremble came. I wondered if my
face was as scarlet as my new knickers. I began to get nervous.
Nothing for it but not to eat.
" Not as hungry as I thought". I placed the fork on the plate and let
him eat.

The meal was finished but the shaking wasn't.
"Time to go" he said. I think my teeth started to chatter.
"Cold?" he asked as he put his arm around me on the way back.

Our steps didn't fit together. When Tom and I had walked, our pace had
synchronised. A prickling in the eye and shivers as my room came into
view.
We stopped. Turning towards me he whispered
"You going to invite me in?"
His face moved closer, aiming for a kiss. A flashing smile&;#8230;..
a flashing RAINBOW smile!&;#8230;.between his
teeth&;#8230;..Yellow rice, green peas, red peppers and tomatoes, a
piece of mussel and some pink of prawn!

"Sorry" I shouted, diving inside the room and slamming the door.

In the distance of the room I thought I heard the sound of ghostly
footsteps approaching from the dark.