Man of Steel

Man of Steel.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel?
Man of booze and downers, now.
Of rust, of iron pyrite and carbon warmed by the sun on a winter
morning, bad tea left in a cracked cup, oily film coating my lips when
I drink it.
I'm the Man of Steel and I feel like mercury, dripping, dripping,
dripping?
A scream?
Was that a scream?
It sounded like one, a woman or a girl crying out for? me?
Nothing now, probably nothing, or maybe she's been gagged, or maybe
she's sobbing now, or maybe she's? no, it was nothing.
Just another hallucination?
Just another memory?
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel?
What if it's Lois?
No, don't think of Lois.
If you think of Lois you'll think of Lex and if you think of Lois then
Lex, you'll think of them together and then? shit.
Why did she do it?
No, don't think, don't think, take a pill and forget it.
Well, take five pills, it's so long ago that just the one worked.
Have a drink.
Have a drink and five pills.
That takes the edge off, doesn't it?
Yeah, right, takes the edge and makes the pain a sphere, no corners to
cut yourself on, no edges to wake me up and make me do something, even
if it's just to melt the stereo? again.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel?
Spheres are better aren't they?
Soft and cosy and round and round like my thoughts, like my memories,
always around from Lois to Jimmy to Bruce to Diana to Lex to Bizarro to
Lois and every single fucking one hurts, but soft hurt, like a sphere,
with a drink and some pills.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel?
Maybe I should draw a bath.
Relax.
A hot bath, so hot my heart pounds louder than the traffic outside, so
loud it fills my head, makes my head a drum, a bass bin, a sounding
board for the Rapture, a beat to end all beats and stop me thinking? my
heart pounding and pounding so it shakes the plaster from the walls,
the lens from my glasses, the thoughts from my mind, a rhythm pounding
and pounding and pounding like Lex pounds into Lois and she screams
more, deeper, harder, strokes his bald head wet with their sweat and
she screams and laughs like she never did with me? FUCKING DON'T THINK
ABOUT IT!!!
Dammit.
Punched the wall.
Again.
My walls look like the mice have bred with elephants.
Holes in all the walls now, a cheese apartment you live in.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel?
Yesterday I watched a 'roach crawl along the window ledge.
It crawled quickly from right to left, then back again.
Only took a few moments but I watched it anyway.
It was the only thing I did yesterday.
Did I eat?
I must've or I'd be hungry, wouldn't I?
You drank; you know that, because there's more broken glass in the
apartment now than there was? was it yesterday?
Or the day before?
What time is it?
The clock was the first thing to break.
I froze it and it shattered all over the carpet.
Then I kicked the TV.
The radio still works but it's too loud.
I can hear all the stations, all the frequencies at once no matter
where I'm tuned.
You can hear the weather reports, the baseball scores, the news, the
news, the news and a play about a fisherman in Norway.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel?
It was a scream; you know it was.
Young woman, less than thirty but well out of her teens.
I wonder why she's screaming?
I should go see.
I will? in a little while.
The woman downstairs screams all the time.
She'll be screaming all day and all night but she'll stop
tomorrow.
I heard her husband talking to himself and he's going to shoot
her.
I'll stop him, yes, because I do things like that, but she'll stay with
him and keep screaming because that's the way it is.
She's got nothing but her screaming to keep her going and there's
nothing I can do about that.
I can't bring back her son, I can't stop her loving her husband and I
can't stop her husband drinking.
I'll have another little drink I think, heh, I think I need a drink and
I need a drink to think? I think I'm drunk.
Not drunk enough to sleep, though.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel?
I gave her flowers.
That's supposed to work, isn't it? I gave her flowers and trees and
took her to new worlds, old worlds, worlds that are gone and worlds yet
to be and let her choose her own flowers but she's still with
him.
Mongul gave you flowers? but you gave them back and now they're gone
and he's happy in his own private heaven.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel?
Another drink? mmmmm, perhaps I should start smoking.
People like me smoke, don't they?
Not just cigarettes, you could smoke pot, or crack, maybe that would
let you sleep.
I tried injecting but the needles all broke.
And the dealers run away when they see me and I'm too tired to chase
them, now.
I can't remember the last time I flew, felt the wind in my face, saw
the world below turn slowly then turn again.
The air's too full now, planes, rockets, satellites, smog, asteroids,
radio waves, Hawkmen, Mutants and Diana in her fucking invisible plane,
what kind of idea is that?
All interference.
I liked it when it was just me.
Just me and the birds.
I don't even know if I could fly, these days?
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel?
I'll get up in a little while; see what the screaming's all
about.
In a little while?
After I've rested.
What if it's Lois?
I'll see in a little while, after a little rest, lead eyeshade, putty
in my ears, a little drink, and a couple more pills, just to help me
sleep?
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel.
Man of Steel?