Wallet

The following morning, we got up around 8.30am, so were up &; out
for a drive up the Dades Gorge quite early. Quick egg sandwich &; a
'cowa halib' in an oasis of a town called Doumade de Dades.

I feel, I can only sound anal &; wally like when trying to explain
the beauty of this place, but it was just nothing short of stunning.
There are plenty of kasbahs, with dark, sandy, yellow mountains &;
occasional clusters of palm trees stretching along the Dades
River.

We reached this valley, that had the most extraordinary rock formations
I have ever encountered. Long, molten wax like rocks, pointing
vertically out of the valley floor &; sides. Almost phallic
like.

Saw a Kasbah at the base of these rocks, so we got out of Pete &;
were soon surrounded by loads of kids asking for money, pens &;
sweets. We tried in vain to ignore them. Stocks were minimal, due to
every other child that had approached the car within seconds of us
previously stopping, having been lucky.

Two leeched onto us though, but nonetheless did us the honour in taking
us to their families Kasbah, (the one we had previously seen). It was
wicked. Matt pissed up the side of it. It's in ruins &; it's only
used to keep animals now. But that just adds to its beauty. I threw the
younger of the two in the air a couple of times &; Dan spoke to the
elder.

Back to Pete, threw them a few dirhams, then left to a barrage of more
begging. Off we climbed, further up the Gorge. The views just got
better &; better. Really high sandy, mountains either side of a
thinning valley. Plenty of nomadic like Berbers ambling around with
either goats or sheep.

We reached the end of the road in a small town. One of the locals ran
over to us &; spouted out a load of stuff to Matt. Matt told us to
continue up this rock-strewn track of a road. Five minutes into this
bumpy jaunt, Dan enquired as to what the chap had said.

'He told me that it wasn't possible to go much further without a 4
wheel drive.'

'Oh right.'

We continued up for another 20 minutes, until Pete the Peugeot Junior
literally came to a halt on this dusty mountainside. It started raining
sand &; dust. There was a Berber with flock watching.

'Reverse &; give it another go.'

So we did. The car wheels just span &; coated Pete in wet, orange
sand. They then stopped. Rev it up with dub again. The car didn't move.
Matt jumped out &; trotted up the hill to see what the next incline
was like, suggesting we push Pete up this one. (The track does
eventually lead back to the main Sahara headed road. Although terrain
is probably pretty much like this for another 40km).

By now, the Berber farmer had reached us. He obviously thought we were
pricks. He smiled, laughed, and then ponced a fag. We gave him one,
sparked up ourselves, then admitted defeat. We pushed, then rolled the
car back down the hill &; back through the Dades Gorge (50km). On
the way back, we were continually greeted with locals pointing at the
car, laughing.

Back on the main Sahara road, we drove to a town called Tinehir &;
booked into 4 star luxury with pool. Ready for chilling tomorrow. It's
fully booked tomorrow, but there's something a tad more downmarket
across the road.

Finished the vodka, then popped into town for a munch up. We got
chatting to a couple of mid thirty Jedi Knights. Obviously, as with
every good Moroccan male, they were selling something. Hashish.

'You have small eyes. Do you smoke hash?' was their first comment to
Matt.

We had quite a good chat &; laugh with these geezers &; arranged
to meet the following evening. Rocked back to the hotel &; tumped
freely. It was a wicked light, pollen.

The pillows in this part of the world are extremely hard &; about 4
feet long. Very uncomfortable. I just couldn't sleep. Next thing I
remember, is my head spinning really fast. Coming around &; then
shouting, 'Where the fuck am I?'

I was sweating big time. Downed half a litre of water &; attempted
to sleep again.

My head span, then I remember really fast head spin. Coming round again
in a sweat, thinking 'Where the fuck am I?'

I think I collapsed twice in the space of minutes.

I thought, 'If it happens again, I'll have to wake the boys.' Luckily,
I didn't speak to them till the following morning.

It took Dan a bit of convincing that I collapsed.

Skinned up, then totally chilled for the rest of the day. Relaxed by
the pool, drunk agua &; ate club sandwiches. Matt &; I then
proceeded to eat a couple of joints worth of hash each. The lightweight
champion of the world, Daniel Nelson, abstained.

The swimming pools in the Sahara are freezing cold. We had previously
travelled down the Draa Valley on our last trip. (There are only 2
roads that lead into the Sahara from Morocco. This being one &; that
being the other). We were in Zagora (an oasis town at the end of the
road). Matt almost perished through hypothermia in a swimming pool, by
staying in there for more than 2 minutes. You couldn't even dangle your
feet in, it was that cold.

Therefore, we decided to leave it till late afternoon, before
entry.

I tiptoed down the pool stairs. The water was very cold. Fuck it mon. I
just threw myself in. I attempted to swim, but my body just tightened
around me &; I couldn't breathe. Matt laughed. I rapidly got the
fuck out, before my lips went blue. Half an hour later, Danny jumped
in. And jumped out.

Time to book into the hotel over the road. So we crossed over the road
&; stayed in a much more downbeat establishment. A 100sq ft room,
with the toilet &; shower facilities outside &; along a
bit.

Hash was low, so we popped into town &; tried to find the boys. They
weren't at the restaurant, where we had met them previously, so we
walked into the square. As we were scouting the crowds for prospective
dealers, Kenobi approached us, minus outfit. He was now sporting a
leather jacket, polo shirt &; jeans. He showed us another toller of
hash.

'You come to my brothers &; we smoke.'

'Alright then mon.'

He took us through a few dark alleys &; we reached his 'brothers
house'. It was infact a carpet making joint.

'Fucking great.'

We had a couple of joints, gibbered the same shite, we have gibbered to
countless other Moroccans, then the carpets came out.

Within a couple of minutes, Matt sprung to his feet.

'Where's my wallet?'

'What?'

'Where's my wallet? It was here a minute ago. Now it isn't.

Daniel &; I just couldn't believe what was happening. There was no
possible way it had been nicked.

Kenobi's brother got moody &; stomped up &; down the room. Kenobi
repeated 'Confidence de Berber, Confidence de Berber,' whilst pounding
his chest. Daniel &; I cracked shit gags.

'WHERE'S MY WALLET? WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?'

Matt then decided to put his jacket on. He slipped his arm into the
left sleeve &; found his wallet stuffed up there.

It took a few minutes for us all to calm down again &; get back to
semi normality. Then, the carpets &; mint tea came out. I was
tempted to swap my #70 quid camera for a camel hair beauty, but told
them we'll see them the following evening. We only wanted hash
now.

We left with Obi Wan. It was getting late &; 'his man' may not be
there. We turned a couple of corners, then he got out the toller we had
been smoking &; handed it to Dan for 100 dirhams.

'See you tomorrow. I give you better stuff. And maybe camera &;
money for carpet.'

'No you won't you cunt.'

We got back to the hotel &; smoked ourselves stupid once more.

We had less than a quarter of a bottle of water left. Obviously, with
hash smoking, there was the dry mouth. Dan decided to hollow myself
&; Matt out, by downing the remaining water &; pissing a mere
33ml into our one &; only bottle.

When I awoke the following morning, I was proudly shown that Matt had
filled the rest of that very same 2 litre bottle during the
night.

We had some breakfast, then got details about 4 x 4 trucking. We plan
to return some time &; explore the area in a better vehicle. We then
left to go to the Todra Gorge in our very unclean car.

The scenery once again, was superb. A river of palm trees &;
kasbahs. What a wonderful world we live in.

I decided to skin up. Mid-skin, I saw a very official, uniformed chap
usher us to stop. I hurriedly laid my jacket over the evidence, only to
find it was a car parking attendant. We had arrived.

'Thanks for the warning boys.'

We parked &; got out to stroll up the Gorge. 300ft high &; 10ft
wide were it's most attractive attributes. It was quite 'commercial'
actually &; was obviously a 'must see' on the tour coach, 4x4 trucks
&; gay bikers on acid, trail.

We walked until there were minimal people about &; finished off the
job of skinning up. There was a wicked echo down there, so I bellowed
'MAMA DUB' &; 'POOP UP SHAWODY / MANAR' many times. I then preceded
to grin insanely &; greet every passer-by with a 'Ca va?'

We clambered upto some caves. Some sheep or goats had obviously had a
pooping festival of some sorts, before our arrival, as the floor was
littered with shite. I light-weighted out of climbing further, as it
was a blazing hot day &; I was stoned. For my troubles, I got
bombarded with rocks &; shit from the boys. One of the larger
missiles literally whistled past my head. Nice one.

Had another joint, then back into the car. Dan had decided he will
drive all the way back to Marrakech tonight. (It is a good 350km down a
desert, then mountain road). We then left.