ZAP! YOU'RE FAT!

ZAP! YOU'RE FAT!

I was once a legend called The buffet slayer
Because I used to eat all the Vaul-o-vaunts
And pork pies in trip after trip to the food table
I ploughed my way through layer after layer
And portion after portion. "If no one wants
That, I'll eat it," I'd say, and I seemed effortlessly able
To manage it because I could eat and eat and eat?.
Drink and drink and drink and and drink and drink ??
Without putting so much as an ounce of weight on
Which I thought was pretty cool and neat
I slurped and munched, just to show off I think
Without realising that one day I would weigh a ton
When all the fat arrived together in one sudden go
And I lost sight of my feet and went all zeppelin shaped
In a huge spectacular sideways volcanic eruption.
You should have seen me a few years ago
Before the fat man inside the thin man escaped.
How much do they charge for hippo-suction?

Arthur Chappell