Braying

Braying - Nothing on the radio. God! I hate all this new pop music.
What's going on with this traffic? Is it going to move ever? I want to
get home, get a pizza, have a drink, smoke a joint. Why do people put
those crappy stickers on the rear of their cars? "My other car's a
Batmobile", "Thank God for Jesus!" Yeah, right. I'll bet you're a real
Christian. Righteous git! Ah, well, who isn't? How long have I been
stuck here now? Come on! MOVE! Light's changing, why won't this car
move. He's reading his paper! I want to get home. Get moving! I
shouldn't let myself get worked up like this. Take a breath. Breathe.
It's only traffic, it's only a line of cars, be patient and we'll all
get where we're going. Two hours of my life wasted here. What would I
be doing with this time if I weren't stuck here? Drawing? Writing,
maybe? Who am I kidding? Watching TV, and staring at the carpet
probably. I wish I could...what? Ever heard the story of the donkey
stuck between two bales of hay? It couldn't decide which one to eat and
eventually it starved to death. That's me. Never could make up my mind.
God! I hate my job! Is this what I was put on the earth to do? Design
some cruddy magazine that I don't give a shit about? No, obviously. So
why am I doing it? What should I do? Why isn't this traffic moving? I
should be a painter. That's it! Maybe a professional dreamer, I'm good
at that. Look at all these people! Like a swarm of ants. Why am I so
miserable? What would give me pleasure? Not 'pleasure'...fulfilment.
Who knows? What is this feeling? Dissatisfaction...a longing. I'm
longing for something but I don't know what it is. I wish this traffic
would move. There's that same man walking his dog. Like clockwork. Same
thing every night. We're like machines. What time is it?
Seven-twenty-one. At last traffic's moving. Should I let this person
in? Should I...too late. Now he's behind me, glaring at the back of my
head. Should have let him in. Wonder how much it costs for a
round-the-world plane ticket. Why do you think about these things? You
know you're never going to do it... - ...what the hell!? - "I could
swear I just saw a deer poking its head out of that alleyway. If this
traffic would move up I could get a better view. Just there, between
the Quickprint and the Mobile-Phone Shop. THERE! Was that a...? -
Jesus! I'm imagining things now. What time is it? Come on! Wish this
traffic would move...I'll miss 'Eastenders'. ? - He should try and do
my job then he'd understand. Cheapskate. If he forked out for a proper
editor then I'd make the deadline no problem. If he paid me what he
paid his wife I could take over as editor of the magazine, (might get
some work done)...as well as everything else. It's such a Mickey Mouse
operation. That's what I should have said to him! DAMN! Why don't I
just say these things? 'Cause you'd get fired that's why! I'm a
wage-slave, accept it. Who invented that phrase 'Mickey Mouse
Operation' anyway? What does it mean? Below standard, pretending to be
bigger than it really is, a cheap copy of something precious, real.
Pretty much sums up how we live. I wonder if cynicism is a mental
disorder. Who was it who told me it was healthy? I don't feel very
healthy. Maybe I need help. Help to be happy. Too proud, that's the
problem. It'll never happen. I should just get a pair of Mickey Mouse
ears and be done with it. That would be funny. Why do I have to sit
through this traffic every night? I should be sitting here with my
Mickey Mouse ears on. Breath! Concentrate on my feet. They're real. At
least I can depend on my feet. 'Doesn't matter how fast or how far you
run, you can't escape your feet.' Where did I read that? Maybe I just
made it up. Quickprint coming up. - Let's see...must be about
seven-twenty. - ...what the...? - ...the deer again. It is a deer. Yes
I can...can even see its breath! What the hell is it still doing
there...here? Hasn't anyone noticed there's a deer living between
Quickprint and the Mobile-Phone Shop...? - Oh! Shit! Watch out! It's so
fast...didn't anyone see it? How do you miss a sodding great deer,
running out in the middle of the road? Wow! It's really beautiful.
What's it doing here? Where did it come from? How come no one's doing
anything about it? Maybe I should call the police or the RSPCA or
someone. It's just standing there looking at the traffic. Well, that's
something you don't see every...what's it doing now? It's baying.
Baying? Is that what deers do? Not braying certainly, that's
donkeys...seems to be calling for, for... - ...what? Alright, alright I
can see the traffic's moved, you don't have to keep honking, arsehole.
Didn't you see the...Oh! Where's it gone? Must have run up the hill
making for the forest, maybe. Do they have deers there? ? - Where's old
Dog-Walker? It must be seven-twentyish by now. I take it back. He's not
like clockwork. Unfortunately I am. He's obviously decided to walk his
dog somewhere else, somewhere more interesting. Why did I bother
mentioning that bloody deer, no one was really interested. God! They're
all so stuck in their own worlds. "Maybe it escaped from the zoo," was
a good one. What zoo? This from someone who's lived here their whole
life. And that was it, back to work. I've definitely missed the
deadline now. I need a holiday. I need to get away and do my own thing,
whatever that is. I suppose it would help to have a plan but I've never
been good at making plans...at least, I've never been good at sticking
to a plan. This bale or that bale? Wonder if I'll see that deer again.
I think I dreamed about it last night. About her, I should say. I'm
sure male deers have antlers. This music is giving me a headache. Try a
local station, maybe they'll say something about her. No, turn it off.
I could use some silence. No, that's no good; try a different station.
I think my foot is getting cramp from working this clutch. I should
have bought an automatic car. It'd be easier to sit through this
frigging traffic every night. Got to get out, away, do something new,
different, take a risk, follow my heart...whatever all that means.
That's what Hollywood films would have me do. Must be great to
be...hello! What's all the commotion? Looks like an ambulance. Great!
That's perfect. At least the traffic's moving. We're being waved
through...I wonder what happened...looks like, looks like...oh! It's
him, Dog-Walker, I think. Yes there's his dog sitting on the kerb. God!
It's old. Jesus...Jesus, he's just lying in the middle of the road...is
he dead? Why aren't they putting him in the ambulance. Must have been
hit by a car. Dog seems to have escaped unhurt! Doesn't look very
happy, understandably. Christ! Hope the old man's OK...! Now what? Oh!
The lights are red. Can't see what they're doing with him from here.
Should I turn round and crane my neck or will every one else think I'm
some sort of voyeur? Sod 'em...hello! Could that be...? It is, three
nights in a row now, there's more wildlife here than the zoo! Why is it
just standing there? It's like something out of a film, majestic beast
in silhouette against the night sky on a hilltop. At least it's up
there away from the traffic, looks like the king of the jungle from
down here. Wow, I can hear it baying. It's lost something, that's why
it's coming back here every night. A baby deer? Maybe it's a mother and
has lost its baby. I really should call the RSPCA. It can't be right
for a wild deer to be loose in the city. I'm sure (certain) that
someone will deal with...I hope they don't shoot it. If the...ALRIGHT!
I can see the light has changed! Bloody hell! I hate other drivers. ? -
Don't know what came over me. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck. I'm glad I
said what I did to that fucker! Let's see how they manage without me!
Oh! God! Mortgage, mortgage, mortgage. How the hell am I going to pay
it off? Shit. What have I done? Was it so bad? Was it really worth it?
Fuck. And the traffic goes on. Better sort out my CV. Get it together.
Sort out my life. Christ! What will my father say? It shouldn't matter
but it does. I want to go somewhere and start a new life. If only I'd
saved more money. Money, money, money. God, I hate myself. What a fool!
I'm such a stupid bastard. Too proud. I should have sorted all this out
months ago instead of letting it build up till I explode. Jesus! MOVE!
I'm not horning you, I'm horning because I'm pissed off, you...! Yes! I
know the traffic's going nowhere. Breathe...breathe! I'm going to get
the shit kicked out of me one of these days. What time is it?
Seven-twenty-two. And here's Quickprint and the Mobile Phone Shop. No
deer though, tonight. - Oh...! There she is. - I can't believe I almost
missed her. She's baying. She's standing in the middle of the road and
she's baying loudly at the traffic. Doesn't anyone see her? It's
impossible that no one has noticed. It's like she's trying to scare all
the cars away. Makes me feel like an animal, a competitor on her patch.
Do female deers get territorial? I'd love to...to...where's she going?
Heading for the forest at the top of the hill again. No...now
she's...she's looking at me. I'm sure of it. Makes me feel...makes me
feel... - Don't honk at me! You're not going anywhere anyway. I'll just
be a minute, I have to touch her. She's beautiful, and I'm not scared
of her. She's turning now and heading for the hill...slowly. I'm only
twenty feet behind. It's so hot tonight! My head hurts, but I feel OK.
In fact I feel great! Quitting my...what did I quit? My job, yes, that
must have made me feel better. I've only just noticed. What was it I
did? Something unimportant. Where's all that noise coming from? Oh!
They're honking. Sorry guys, you'll have to go on without me. Just
drive round, I'll be back soon...in a minute; I just want to see where
the deer is going. Leave my jacket at the foot of the hill, get it
later...it's so hot. Maybe take my shirt off too. These branches are
catching on my head. Wow! My scalp itches badly. What's that lump, that
hard lump protruding from the top of my head? What's that smell? It's
her...I can smell her...this way. Were heading for the forest. There's
so much undergrowth. It'd be easier if I got on my hands and knees.
There. Quicker too. Wow! I'm really bounding up this hill
now...careful! It'd be easy to get my antlers caught in these branches.
Come back! Where is she? Where am I? I don't know, but she's just up
ahead, leading me to the forest. That's where we're going...that's the
destination. I should call to her. What's that sound? Not
braying...