Beloved

We never thought Bonnie was a girl. Meaning she was very much female
of the species but then she wasn't. We started noticing Bonnie when she
was around eight years old. We boys were younger at six. John, Joe and
myself, that's Barry had just been allowed to play by ourselves in the
lawn facing our building. The only game we knew anything about was
cricket-it was on television all the time. We figured out four people
were required to stage an enjoyable cricket game. One would be the
batsman. Since I owned all the gear I was the first choice for the
batting job. The bowler had to be tall and strong and thus Joe was the
automatic choice. Again John owned a pair of 'keeper's gloves and would
do nothing but keep wickets. This led to a problem. Someone was
required who would run after the ball and throw it back to the bowler.
Bonnie would watch us struggle with our game. The other girls in the
building were all in high school and not interested in games and
sports. Bonnie seemed to be an outdoor person spent her evenings either
playing solitary games or watching us. So one day I gathered my wits
and asked her,'Will you play cricket with us?'. In hindsight I feel it
was quite an ordinary act. A stupid six year old boy asking a pensive
eight year old girl whether she would carry and fetch for him and his
friends. Yet Bonnie took her time. It was only after a week after she
was offered a chance to enter the fold of reckless, self-absorbed boys
did she actually join. And she came with her own bat and protection.
Very soon our evenings became very very meaningful indeed.
Bonnie was a good fielder. She was also a reasonably good batswoman. We
saw her as one of us. We would call her to play and she would come with
her gear. Sometimes we played in the scorching heat and other times in
lashing rain. When it was hot we were uneasy and so was she. When it
rained we collectively challenged the elements to prevent us from
playing. We thought we were a great team who could brave just about
anything in the interests of cricket. After the game was over we all
would go to the local ice-cream parlour looking dirty as ever and enjoy
scoop after scoop. It never occurred to us that Bonnie needed to be
treated any differently. We had this grudge game with another team from
the building VJ Villa. They were older boys and we were just thirteen
year old kids except of course Bonnie. When we arrived at the chosen
venue the supporters of the opposition team were already present in
good numbers. We won the toss and elected to bat. As Bonnie and I took
the field someone remarked,'Look it's the Sissy team.'We ignored what
was thrown in our direction and decided to concentrate on the game. We
batted well but Bonnie seemed to be disturbed. From the next day she
did not join us in our games. When we visited her flat the maid would
say,'Baby is not feeling well.' When we met otherwise Bonnie was
quieter and reserved. It appeared she was afraid of herself, afraid of
some unknown power she may have acquired.
I felt strange too. I began to look forward to meeting her in the
evenings knowing fully well that she would not come. I would remember
her at the oddest of moments. She was in my thoughts when I woke up.
When I closed my eyes after retiring for the day her image would appear
in my mind. When new challenges appeared before me in life her face,
her voice, her entire person would lead me on to break new ground. I
decided that I should let her know about my feelings. I rang her up,
but when she picked up the phone I found myself tongue-tied. I simply
asked her how she was and that was that. This happened a couple of
times. Then I tried to email her but I was afraid someone would read
her mail. So I gathered all the courage I had and told her I wanted to
meet her in private. She invited me over to her place.
It was a different Bonnie that I met. Full of elegance,grace and poise.
Gone was the gamine, athletic sportsperson. In her place was a girl
whose face seemed to light up the evening. It seemed my feelings had
been there for so long and yet I could not recognize them for what they
were. It was her presence that had enhanced my interest in our childish
games and it was her absence that had made it all meaningless. Before I
could say anything Bonnie announced that a great cricket match was
happening next week. She had two tickets for the clubhouse and her
mother would not mind if she went along with a friend. I said I would
love to go and was going to add that I would have to ask Mummy. But
then I caught that glint in her eyes and said, 'I am ready to go if you
are.'.
So that's it. Tomorrow, Bonnie and I are going out for the first time.
What happens thereafter only the future can tell.