A minor interlude

A MINOR INTERLUDE

Schoenberg was very fond of bananas. A banana a day helps you work,
rest and write a symphony.
I was feeling rather troubled at the moment. Things hadn't been the
same since the orifices in my house had been attended to by a
recalcitrant jobbing builder.
' Did you know' I heard him say, 'That the pipes are furred up with
limescale and the eaves are stuffed with birds nests.'
It wasn't what I wanted to hear. Ever since I had taken that fateful
bicycle ride with Persephone things had gone from bad to worse. Seated
one day at the electronic keyboard which I had placed on the small
patch of long grass by the patio, where it would catch the rays of the
setting sun, I ruminated upon my melancholia. After ruminating for some
time I arose, and shielding my brow from the faint patch of light still
visible in the darkening sky, I stared into the firmament, hoping to
lighten my spirit by catching a glimpse of the meteor storm which, it
had been promised, would appear this evening. A white bird flew slowly
and symbolically across the deep grey sky.
'A symbol' I thought 'But of what?'
A message, marvellous in its simplicity, struck me like a supernatural
arrow. Wiping it from my alpaca jacket with a red silk handkerchief, I
decided to telephone Persephone. How sweet and yet so brutal was the
sound of her voice.
' Come home Persephone' I implored' My house is full of ghosts and
mice'
'I can give you no more' she replied 'You have taken everything.'
'Can you lend me ten pounds until the end of the month?' I enquired.
'At least you still have your sense of humour' she said with a sigh,
and put down the phone.
Wearily I returned to the comfort of my abode and slung my aching limbs
into an my favourite armchair, stuffed with horsehair and kapok. The
rest of my body soon followed. My ennui knew no bounds. Tracking the
path of a solitary spider across the carpet, I bombarded its course
with remnants of food I found under the cushions- crumbs, nuts and
other culinary detritus. Spinning a withered raisin across its back, I
pondered the mystery of time and the unavailability of mutton. I
reached for a pen and heard a knock at the door.
'There is life after all' I thought with joy in my heart. I opened the
door. A human, a man stood in a suit .His face was expectant but wary
and I feared the worst
'Tell me' he said 'Did you ever think of replacement windows?'
' I think of nothing else' I replied, 'But I can do nothing, for you
see this house does not belong to me. I dwell in the property of an
errant gangster whose name were I to tell you is more prominent than
his face. Indeed to disturb his harmonious juxtaposition of tasteful
beige and olive green on the window ledges of this house would lead to
terrible vengeance being wreaked upon your person. Besides, such
alterations to the glazing of this property would require the express
permission of the board of appeals of the county planning
department'
Chastened and disheartened he turned away, pausing only to spit in the
marigolds.
Dusk. With the advent of night, a shroud of gloom was cast over the
house. The foetid silence was broken only by the creaking of the
floorboards, the squeaking of the mice, the hoot of an owl, the hiss of
the wind, the rustle of falling leaves and the barking of the dog next
door. My mind vibrated like a tuning fork. It was a perfect B flat.
Drawing on my overcoat, I resolved to confront Persephone.
'Its now or never' I thought. I also thought:
'Come hold me tight, kiss me my darling, be mine tonight '
By the time I finished thinking, I had reached the inn.
Persephone lounged languidly on a bench. Her companion wore a sneer
with a long lip and brilliantined moustache. As I watched her
languorous caresses and his unspoken jibes, the scales fell from my
eyes. As they hit the floor they re-formed into the opening bars of a
minuet. Jealousy hung in the smoky air like a tethered bear.
Striding to the bar, I accosted a woman in red
'You can save from despair' I pleaded 'Will you do this deed?'
' I will follow you to the ends of the earth, my only reward being the
hope that one day I will receive a kiss from your lips'
My eyes widened at the depths of her perspicacity.
'And a fee of twenty pounds 'she added.
' Very well 'I replied, and taking her hand led her to that hateful
place where Persephone was entwined with her paramour
'This' I announced, indicating the girl in red, 'Is my fianc?. Her
name is Ribena and we are due to be married tomorrow.'
A bolt of shock hit my lovely Persephone. She started to quiver and a
rictus of calamity tensed the muscles of her tender lips.
'Have I gone too far?' I wondered.
Spasm after spasm shook her slender body. I sank to one knee. 'Forgive
me' I said 'I cannot bear to watch you suffer. I confess. My jealousy
has made me mad. This is not my future bride, only a pawn in a game of
cruel revenge'
Tears began to leak from Persephone's eyes and the horror of
realisation formed before me. These were not tears of anguish, but of
mirth. The heavings of her torso were caused not by emotional pain but
by suppressed and wicked amusement.
'I know she's not your fiance' she guffawed, 'Her name's Dirty Sal and
she's been with three men already this evening.'
I turned to the girl in red and let go her hand, which now felt cold
and clammy. I offered her a five pound note. She took it, slapped me in
the face and walked away.
My dignity leapt away from me like a weasel released from its
leash
His moustache, the looseness of his limbs, her spiteful mirth, brought
my rage to a crisis of cosmic intent. Thoughtless, heedless, penniless,
my shattered psyche could bear no more. Bestiality and murder filled my
brain, and I resolved to do away with them both. I reached into my
overcoat pocket for my pistol, but could only find a miniature
telescope I had put there earlier to observe rare birds.
Her lothario's eyes glittered with triumph
'Ha ha' he barked. This sound, crude and conclusive, followed me down
the road, round the corner and all the way home. It only stopped when I
closed the front door on it.
My bed was cold and dreamless. In the green glow of the electric clock,
the past was no more and the future was yet to come. 'Tomorrow' I
thought 'I will have kippers for breakfast.'