Magic Flower

In Olden Times: The Magic Flower (Approx. 4,000 wds.)

A cloud of gloom hung over the kingdom for, although the uprising of
the Treacherous Knights had been put down, Queen Britney, who'd
insisted on being in the forefront of defending what she considered to
be her castle, had been wounded by a poisoned arrow and still lay in a
coma. The halls of the castle, which used to echo with Britney's
commands to her servants (and to the King) were now eerily silent. The
King nervously reviewed his plans for rebuilding the kingdom, glancing
over his shoulder every few minutes as if expecting Britney to tell him
to change this and forget about that.
A little group of three was shown into his chamber. They were Marge
the Witch, summoned after the royal physicians had admitted the
couldn't awaken the Queen; Abe, mayor of the town where Marge
practiced; and Bob, the family dragon and Abe's second-in-command. "Is
there any hope?" asked the King.
"I'll try to keep the Queen alive," said Marge,
Using all of my power,
But only one thing can awaken her,
The magic white flower."
(Marge had gotten into the habit of rhyming when practicing her spells
at witches school and now did it all the time.)
Marge went on to explain that her mentor witch had told her of the
magic white flower, which had great curative properties. Unfortunately,
like all such magic flowers you couldn't find it in your back yard. In
this case, it grew only in a far-off land ruled by a mysterious body
known as the Society of White Knights. Not only that, but rumor had it
that the flower was guarded by a horrible monster who was prone to eat
unwelcome visitors. And just to get to this far-off land, you had to
travel through the fearsome land of the dwarfs and then, even worse,
through a nameless land said to be ruled by faceless creatures who
permitted no entry.
"I'd go in a minute," said the King, "but I'm right in the middle of
planning to rebuild the kingdom and I'd hate to leave."
"Don't worry," said Abe. "Bob and I will go. We'll get that
flower."
Bob rolled his eyes as if to say, "here we go again".but said nothing
aloud.
"The magic flower," said Marge, "is very rare.
Should you get that far and still live,
A king's ransom at least
You'll have to give."
All eyes turned to the King. "A King's ransom, huh? That war cost a
lot and it'll cost even more to rebuild. And it's nice to have some
peace and quiet in the castle. Maybe Britney will some day wake up on
her own."
Everyone looked shocked.
"The Queen is in a very delicate state," said Marge.
"If you tarry it may be too late."
"Do you want to go down in history as the only king who refused to pay
a king's ransom to save his wife?" asked Abe.
"No, of course not. What was I thinking of? You shall have all that's
left in the treasury."
"Good. Then Bob and I will leave tomorrow at dawn."
Bob rolled his eyes again but again said nothing.

After three days hard travelling, Abe, a belt filled with jewels, gold
and silver around his waist, and Ben obreached the Land of the Dwarfs.
As soon as they crossed the border, the landscape changed. Gone were
the lush green fields, the trees, the neat houses, the sheep in the
meadow, the cows in the corn. Now the land was barren, covered by
rocks, the only wildlife a few vultures who soared overhead. No wonder
few people visited this land, although it was rumored that its
underground mines contained riches. Every now and then they came across
what looked like an abandoned mine but that was all. Little was known
about the Land of the Dwarfs. Some said the dwarfs were ruled by a
beautiful queen who'd somehow found her way there. Others said the
dwarfs were savages who killed anyone who ventured into their
territory.
"I wonder if we'll ever see anyone," said Abe. "We need directions or
we'll be wandering around here forever."
"It won't be forever,"said Bob. "We'll eventually starve to death or
die of thirst."
Just then the ground gave away beneath their feet and they fell
straight down into what seemed to be a cavern beneath the earth. Before
they could gather their wits, a big net came down on top of them and
they were trapped. Suddenly they were surrounded by dwarfs, each
holding a torch. The dwarfs immediately began arguing among themselves.
"What should we do with them?" asked the dwarf who seemed to the leader
and whom the others called Doc.
"I say put them in the dungeon," said another dwarf, who looked and
sounded grumpy.
"Uh, maybe we should take them to the Queen," said a bashful-looking
dwarf.
"Should I let out a blast of fire and roast these pipsqueaks?" asked
Bob.
"No, wait a minute," said Abe. "Doc, Grumpy, Bashful. There's
something familiar about these little guys. Doc, do you have a
Queen?"
"Well, yes, we do."
"Is she beautiful?"
"Of course she is."
"Please take us to her. We're on a quest to save another beautiful
queen. I'm sure she'd like to help us."
The dwarfs began their arguing again but Doc asked a dwarf who looked
somewhat simple if they should take the strangers to the queen and this
dwarf nodded his head and so it was decided.
Once in the Queen's chamber, the dwarfs removed the net. "Oh, Queen,"
said Doc, "these two strangers wish to speak with you."
The Queen, as Doc had said, was beautiful. Her skin was like milk, her
lips as red as cherries and her hair as black as a raven's wing. "I
know you," said Abe. "You're Snow White."
"Yes, I am. But how did you know?"
"There are stories about you. My mother told them to me when I was a
boy. But did you really eat the poisoned apple?"
"Are you kidding?" said Snow White. "I know a poisoned apple when I
see one. No apple that red could be a good one."
"But you were supposed to have eaten the apple, then you fell asleep
and then Prince Charming came and kissed you and you woke up."
"Prince Charming?" laughed the Queen. "Now that's a good one. Can you
imagine anyone named Prince Charming ever coming to this place? The
only reason I'm here is to escape my evil stepmother. I've done my
best, you should have seen what a mess it was before, and I've
organized the dwarfs. They were working for peanuts, you know. They
like to dig so much--you should see them going off to work every
morning with their hi's and their ho's--they never dreamed how much
people would pay for their labor. At least, now they're getting a fair
price. But a Prince Charming?" She laughed again. "Fat chance. But why
have you, so to speak, dropped in here?"
Abe explained their mission. "This Queen is beautiful, too," said Abe,
"and, although she didn't eat an apple, she's been poisoned through no
fault of her own and the magic white flower is the only thing that can
awaken her."
"Sounds like a fairy tale to me," said Snow White. "I don't know. The
world hasn't treated me very kindly. I've had to go it on my own. Let's
suppose there is such a flower, why should I help you?"
Abe thought fast. "When I get back, with the flower, of course, I'll
tell everyone at court about you, that you're real and not just a
story. I'll tell them how beautiful you are. The knights will come here
in droves."
"And what about you? Are you interested?"
"I would be, Your Highness, but I already have a wife."
"Is she as beautiful as me?"
"No, but she's kind and sensible and loyal."
Snow White sighed. "And I can see you are loyal, too. Oh, well., I'll
count on you to keep your promise. Tomorrow the dwarfs will show you
how to proceed on your journey. But now come and have supper with me
and tell me all about what's happening in the upper world. I hear
nothing living down in this mine." And so Abe had supper with Snow
White and told her all of the current events he knew while she told him
some surprising things about dwarfs, things that to this day no one,
not even Walt Disney, knows.

The next morning the dwarfs marched with them, singing their hi's and
ho's, all the way to the border, where to Abe's and Bob's surprise,
there was a high fence. "This is it," said Doc. "You have to cross
through the next country to get to the Land of the White
Knights."
"But how do we get through this fence?" asked Abe.
"I don't know. No one has ever tried. Good luck." And the dwarfs,
still singing their hi's and ho's, marched off.
"Hmmm. The fence is too high to climb over," said Abe.
"Let me try to blast through," said Bob. He took a deep breath and let
out a mighty flame. The fence turned black but remained standing.
"Okay," said Bob. "I'll just crash through it."
"Wait a minute. That fence seems pretty strong. I think I see
something down there. It may be an opening. Let's take a look."
What Abe saw was not an opening but what looked like a little house
built right into the fence; it had a door and a window. Abe knocked on
the door and the window flew open. "What do you want?" The speaker
wasn't a knight or a soldier; he was pale, wore glasses and sleeve
protectors and altogether looked like a clerk.
"We want to cross through your country to get to the Land of the White
Knights," said Abe.
"You do, huh? Papers, please."
"What papers?"
"Your crossing through papers, of course," said the clerk, as if this
was self-evident. "How can you cross through without the proper
papers?"
"But we don't have any papers."
"Here. Fill out these forms." The clerk thrust a fistful of papers at
Abe and the window closed with a thud. Abe looked at the forms. They
asked for his name, address, occupation, marital status, hair color,
eye color, height, weight, place of birth, income, hobbies, sports,
travel plans and many other things. "They want to know evberything
about my life," said Abe, "and it'll take my entire life to fill out
all this stuff," But there was no help for it. Abe, with Bob's help,
laboriously filled in all the blank spaces. It was the afternoon by the
time he was finally done.
Abe knocked on the door again and again the window flew open.
"What do you want?"
"I've filled out all the forms," said Abe.
"You have. That was fast work. All right, show me your
identification."
"Identification? I'm Abe, and this is Bob. We don't have any other
identification."
"No identification." The clerk took a stamp and banged it down on the
top form. It said, REQUEST DENIED.
"Wait a minute. I filled out all your stupid forms. You didn't tell us
we'd need identification. You can't say "Request Denied" just like
that."
"Sorry, that's the procedure. Next!"
"There's no one next," shouted Abe. "There's no one else here. There
must be some way to get through."
The clerk appeared to think. "Well, there might be a chance. You can
appeal to the High and Mighty Officials, we call them HMO's for
short."
"All right. How do I appeal?"
"Well, they're very busy people, very hard to see. Is that a money
belt you're wearing?"
"Ah, I see." Abe took out some pieces of gold and silver. "Will these
smooth the way?"
"Maybe one more little gold piece. Yes, that should do it. Wait here."
In a minute, the door to the little house swung open and Abe and Bob
walked through. Inside the fence was the largest castle Abe had ever
seen. "That's where the HMO's are," said the clerk. "Follow me."
Abe and Bob were led into what looked like a large waiting room.
Scores of people were sitting on benches, all clutching forms in their
hands. Across from them, scores of clerks worked busily at their desks,
all stamping papers. Abe saw that in most cases, the stamps said,
REQUEST DENIED. Their clerk went over to one of these other clerks and
handed over their forms. The two chatted a little, then their clerk
came back and told them to take a seat on one of the benches. He gave
Abe a piece of paper. "Wait until your number is called." Abe looked;
it was a very large number.
After waiting for what seemed hours, Abe was ready to get up and
protest to someone but just then the clerk who had their forms waved to
him. "Will someone see me now?" asked Abe.
The clerk laughed. "I can tell this is your first time. But I want to
help you. Look at this." The clerk raised his tunic, revealing a small
whistle tied around his neck. "I'm what's called a whistle-blower. I
like order but I can't stand all of this paperwork, the layers of
management, the agencies not talking to each other, the sheer
inefficiency, the blatant . . ." By this time, the clerk's eyes were
bulging and he was breathing hard.
"Calm down," urged Abe. "You said you wanted to help me.?"
"Yes. I've read all your forms. I suppose I'm a romantic but I want
you to at least try to get that white flower. Not that you have a
chance, what with the greedy White Knights and that horrible monster.
But that's your problem. Here, bend down." Abe bent and the clerk
whispered into his ear. "So that's what you'll have to do. Okay? Let me
see your number. Hmmm, I'll try to expedite you."
Even with the clerk's expediting, it wasn't until two days later that
Abe's number was called. He and Bob were ushered into one of the HMO
suites. The HMO himself sat behind a large desk, scribbling on a piece
of paper. Piles of paper stood on tables scattered around the room. At
length, the HMO looked up. "Ah. Work, nothing but work. There's no end
to it. Now, what can I do for you gentlemen?"
"It's all in those forms you have," said Abe. "We have to get to the
Land of the White Knights."
The HMO shook his head. "I'm afraid that's impossible. That violates
section 895, paragraph six, section 896, paragraphs two and three, not
to mention codes eight, nine and ten, subsections . . ." As he spoke,
he raised a stamp, which Abe saw said REQUEST DENIED.
"Wait," yelled Abe. "We know where your secret warehouse of red tape
is. If you do that, Bob will burn it down. Bob, give him a
sample."
Bob let out a long flame. Several piles of paper caught fire and
others were scattered around by the accompanying whoosh. The HMO ran
around in circles, alternately trying to stamp out the fires and
retrieve the papers. "Well?" asked Abe.
"This is highly irregular. If we make an exception for you we'll . .
."
"Bob, another sample, please."
"All right, all right. If we don't have any red tape, our entire
operation will fall to pieces. I'll make an exception, just this once."
He rummaged around in his desk, finally locating a small stamp covered
with dust which said, "request okayed." He stamped Abe's forms and even
made out identity cards for both Abe and Bob. "There, that should do
it. Now, please go on your way and never come in here again."

After presenting all of their forms plus their ID cards to the clerk
in the little house in the fence at the other side of the country, Abe
and Bob were finally let into the Land of the White Knights. They
inquired of the first person they saw, a peasant, where they might find
the headquarters of the White Knights and were directed to a large
white castle atop a hill. "We've made it," said Abe. "I can hardly
believe it."
"We don't have the flower yet," cautioned Bob.
As they made their way up the hill, Abe noticed that the White Knights
riding around on their white horses were large and well-fed, wearing
expensive-looking armor studded with jewels. Their saddles were also
bejeweled. The peasants wore plain clothes and by contrast looked
undernourished. When they reached the castle a steward greeted them
cordially. "We've received word of your mission," he said. "Please come
in and sit down. I'll get you some mead. One of the Knights will see
you shortly."
In a matter of minutes, they were led into a Knight's chamber.
"Welcome, welcome," said the Knight. Like the other Knights riding
their horses, this one was large and had clearly never missed a meal.
"Well, I understand you've come after one of our magic white
flowers."
"Yes," said Abe. "It's the only remedy for Queen Britney's
coma."
"We'll be glad to help," said the Knight, rubbing his hands. "But you
understand the flower is rare, exceedingly rare. We just can't hand one
over to you."
"I understand." Abe undid his money belt. "I've brought a king's
ransom." He spilled the jewels, gold and silver on a table.
"Ah, yes," said the Knight, his eyes glittering. "Very good. Well,
I'll have the steward direct you to the hill where our medicinal
flowers grow. They're all colors. You understand it's up to you to find
the white flower."
"Yes."
"Uh, what about that horrible monster who guards the flowers?" asked
Bob.
"Ah, yes. He doesn't take kindly to visitors. Again, that's up to
you."
"All right," said Abe. "Let's go."
The steward led them to a nearby hill covered with flowers. He seemed
nervous. "There you are," he said. "I hope there's a white flower left.
Now I must be going." He sped away.
Abe and Bob looked over the hill. The flowers were of all colors: many
blue ones, almost as many red, orange, purple, yellow, pink, even
black. But no white flower was visible. "We've been had," said Bob.
"And after we paid a king's ransom."
"Let's not give up," said Abe. "I'm going to look." He waded into the
sea of flowers, followed by Bob. They searched every inch of the
hill.
"I think I see something," said Ben.
"Where?"
"Over there. By that fern. Almost hidden."
"I think you're right."
Abe raced over. It was the white flower. He carefully plucked it out
of the ground and cradled it in his hand. "Wait a minute," he said.
There was a speck of white on his finger. "I think . . ." Abe never
completed his thought because at that moment a large shadow fell over
them, they heard the whirring of wings, then a bellow, then a large
body landed beside them.
"It's the monster," yelled Abe. "Run, or we're lost."
"That's not a monster," said Bob. "It's a dragon. And one that looks
familiar. Jerry?"
"Bob? What are you doing here?"
"Looking for the magic white flower to cure Queen Britney. What are
you doing here?"
Jerry blinked his large eyes, looking a little abashed. "Well, I'm
supposed to guard these flowers. It's a job. What can I say? There
aren't that many jobs nowadays for dragons."
"I know what you mean. Well, at least we have our white flower."
"But is it white?" said Abe. "Look." He rubbed the petals of the
flower gently. The white came off on his fingers. The flower was really
blue. "The White Knights put the white color on. That made it seem very
rare and so very expensive. The White Knights have been running a
scam."
Later Abe, Bob and Jerry were in the courtyard of the White Knight's
castle. The White Knights were there, also a large number of peasants
whom Abe had met on the way and told to come with him for something
important. Abe held up the flower. "Look," he said. "We paid a king's
ransom for this. It was supposed to be rare, a rare white flower. But
it's really blue, one of many."
There was a lot of muttering among the peasants and Abe heard, "No
wonder the Knights are so rich while we struggle to make a living," and
"Yeah, and fat, too."
The White Knight Abe and Bob had met with coughed and said, "There
must be a misunderstanding. I promise a full investigation."
"How about refunding that king's ransom I gave you?"
"Yes, we can do that, less expenses. And without admitting
culpability, of course.".
"And re-distributing your wealth? You can get more than enough
charging a fair price for your medicinal flowers and sharing the
proceeds with everyone."
"Yes, well, we'll have to look into that and . . ."
"We have to get back now but I'll leave Jerry here to see to it that
the wealth redistribution is carried out. And if it isn't I'll come
back, with Bob."
"That won't be necessary. I . . ."
"Three cheers for Abe and Bob and Jerry," one of the peasants called
out. Amidst the cheers, Abe and Bob took their leave.

Their journey back was much speedier than the one out. The clerks
rushed them through, especially when Bob jokingly asked Abe where that
red tape warehouse was again. In the Land of the Dwarfs, Queen Snow
White received them in her underground chamber, where Abe related their
adventures. "I'm glad you found the while, or blue, flower," said Snow
White. "I hope it works. You'll remember your promise about letting the
knights know I'm here."
"As soon as Queen Britney is revived," said Abe. "Be prepared for lots
of guests. Who knows, maybe one will turn out to be your Prince
Charming after all."
When they reached the king's palace, Abe immediately gave Marge the
Witch the flower.
"But this flower's not white," she exclaimed.
It's blue.
Are you sure it's right?
Are you?"
"I'll explain later," said Abe.
Marge the Witch took the flower and ground its petals down into a
powder, which she then put into a glass of wine. She held the glass to
Queen Britney's lips. As soon as the first few drops went down the
Queen's throat she popped up and said, "Where am I? What's everyone
doing in here? This room is a mess. I must get dressed. My hair's a
fright. Where are my servants" Abe, Bob and the King discreetly left.
"By the way," said Abe, unfastening his belt. "Here's your king's
ransom, most of it.. I didn't need it after all."
"You didn't? That's wonderful. Now I can really rebuild."
That night there was a celebratory dinner at which Abe explained all.
At least a dozen knights said they'd immediately leave to find and
court Queen Snow White. "That Snow White?" asked Britney. "Is she as
beautiful as me?"
"She's beautiful," answered Abe, "but you're the fairest of them
all."
"Now why can't you say things like that?" the Queen asked the
King.
Bob rolled his eyes.
The next day Abe and Bob, with Marge the Witch, returned to their
village. Abe's wife Rose greeted him with a kiss and a good meal. Abe
went back to being mayor, with Bob's assistance, the town prospered as
the King rebuilt the kingdom and everyone lived happily, at least until
it was time for yet another sequel.. Until then, good readers, live
happily, if not ever after, at least for the moment.

The End