A Mind's Misconception

In every friendship there is a moment. It's generally somewhere near
the beginning, during that phase when your still on best behavior and
don't want to scare the other person away or let them experience your
inner nutcase. You're in the midst of a great conversation, the kind
where each participant is just bursting to respond to what the other
person is saying. It's to the point where it's difficult to hold your
thoughts in as opposed to interupting. And during this rapid exchange
the other person says something that you totally agree with. Actually
you more than agree with it, it's something you've actually thought or
considered yourself. It's something quoted directly from you inner
monologue, something that you didn't think other people thought of. The
most fitting response to what they've said is an exuberent Yes!!,
usually thrown right in, full on interuption style. This moment defines
whether a person is a casual aquaintence or a real friend.



I love this moment. I love connecting to another person,
feeling understood and agreed with. In this moment I feel completely
normal and sane and at the same time overjoyed to have found someone
like me. This feeling breeds a safe zone of free speech within the
conversation. I loose my need to think about the outcome before I
speak. I no longer have to worry that the other person will misconstrue
what I'm saying and take away some absurdly wrong idea about me or
whatever idea I'm communicating. This moment is
magical.


Much more often I feel utterly misunderstood. I'll say
something and know the instant its out that it doesn't clearly convey
how I feel. There are times when I cannot find the right words to
develop for others the idea that I see in my head, for most of my best
ideas are not broken down into words. They are things that I see and
somehow understand myself without the need for words. Various ideas
just exist in my mind, as if they have always been there. They were
seemingly never introduced as new material, therefore my brain never
had to break them down to form conceptual understandings. They are to
me like breath and heartbeat. I do not need to take notice of some
ideas, they just come on their own without need for conscious thought.
How can a person ever transfer such notions from their head to someone
elses in exactness, without loosing any of it? And if it is possible,
how would two people know that the idea, the wordless vision, is really
the exact same picture in both of their minds? Is this really
possible?


Maybe then when I have a moment in conversation where I feel
wholly in sync with the other person it is just that, a feeling.
Perhaps all of the things impinging on my neurons to create sensations,
which lead to the unique perspectives on my enviornment that allows me
to draw conclusions and on them base thought, are similar enough to
their impingements and subsequent thoughts that the illusion of shared
thought is cast. Maybe these moments of understanding between two
people are really just happy accidents, in reality mere
misunderstandings. There is no way that all the varying factors within
each of us can be so similar that they lead to the same thought. And if
the words are the same, if we each put out the same exact sentence at
the exact same moment, the words are the only things which are the
same. We each came to those words through different context, with
different experiences and memories. We used different means of thought
to achive the final product. Two people can say the exact same thing
and have vastly different meanings. Yet I do not believe that two
people can ever have the same thought. It is as impossible as the waves
of the tide ever leaving the same imprint in the sand
twice.


There are two things to take from this realization. Thoughts
never before conceived are thought every second of everyday, even by
someone as perennial as yourself. And, A thought will never be received
by another person exactly as it was born in your head. There is no
chance at being understood, in whole or in part. May this depress you
or empower you, the knowledge of it will never erase from you the
magical feeling of being totally understood as a casual aquaintence
becomes a real friend. While undestanding is not possible for the mind,
the misconception of it is more than enough for the figuritive
heart.