Relentless - Chapter 1

For Jessie Anderson waking up every morning was a harder task than most. As she waited for the 5:30am alarm bell to ring, she knew that another night without sleep would cause today to be even harder than the last. Yet as she laid there at the crack of dawn she could feel a sense of calm come over her that was rarely present in her life over recent years. It was always at this time of the morning that she could lay there and reflect over the events of the previous day and realise just what had become of her life.

Since her move to London six months ago, things in her life had started to become more and more difficult to bear. Although she knew that she had taken the only option left to her, at times the daily pain of knowing just what she had caused and who she had left behind was almost unbearable to take. Even though she had attempted to shift the heavy burden that lay over her by moving away from the very monster that she had created the more she worked through what she had done the more the weight seemed to increase within her already overloaded mind.

It was this stress over recent months that had caused Jessie’s sleep patterns to become almost non existent. Every evening after a hard day at work she would find herself desperately trying to unwind, pushing with every last piece of energy to try and flush the unwanted thoughts away. In most cases this made absolutely no difference and simply caused her mind to go into an unwanted sense of overdrive.

It was this sense of panic that had left her without a proper nights sleep for as long as she could remember and even when she did manage to switch off she was left wishing that she hadn’t. The result of all this had left Jessie feeling more exhausted than she could ever possibly comprehend and although she knew that things couldn’t continue like this for much, at the same time she simply did not know what to do for the best.

At this point of the morning she would always dream of being able to lock herself away in her own thoughts where nobody could reach her. However, as warm and content a thought as this was, time was ticking on and if she wasn’t careful the hours were going to quickly creep by and she would be late for work. With as much energy as her tired and delicate body could muster she climbs out of bed and begins her morning routine.

With the awkward hours that she repeatedly works her morning ritual always had to be quick and to the point. It was something that she’d never really got used to over recent months but something that she’d had to succumb to never the less. After quickly washing away the sleep from her eyes she pulls on a red gym vest, a pair of loose fitting grey jogging bottoms and walks down stairs to pick up the running shoes that she’d thrown away in haste the day before. Grabbing a quick drink, her house keys and her work gear she leaves the house for work.

Jessie always enjoyed the morning run to work. Not because she was keen to shed the few extra pounds that had unwontedly gathered on her otherwise perfect body but because it always allowed her to blow away the cobwebs that had gathered in her mind from the previous night’s lack of sleep. She also loved to take in the new day and take heart from the daily toils of the people around her.

Whether it be the obnoxious city commuter who was unaware of everything except the business deal at the end of his mobile, or the angry taxi driver who was launching expletives at him for unknowingly walking out in front of his car, she loved the run to work as it made her realise that she wasn’t the only one in the world with issues, however small they seemed in comparison to hers.

After passing the two arguing gentlemen with a slight chuckle, the very same thought that had appeared in her head yesterday came into her mind. Is today going to be any different? “Let’s hope so”, she thought as she continued past the park. After another 20 minutes of swift running she turned right at the end of the long park into York Road.

In her mind this final stretch of road always seemed to have a very dark and bizarre aura about it. As she paced down the bumpy cobbled path before she reached her destination, she almost felt like she was running through another country. Try as she might she couldn’t put her finger on what it was but there was definitely something in the air of York Road that always felt just a little bit peculiar.

Half way down the road she reached the crimson red door of The Duke of York, the place she had come to know as her second home for the last six months. The Duke of York was a very classy establishment that was known throughout the area for fine food and a homely service. With décor and a sense of ambience that expelled it from its surroundings, The Duke of York was always a very pleasant place to work.

As she walked around the back of the restaurant to the back door which led directly into the kitchen, she thought to herself “just another day” before smiling sarcastically to herself and stepping inside. Although she loved her work at the restaurant she often felt a small sense of contempt, knowing that she spent half of her life inside these four walls. Her working week was made up with six, sixteen hour shifts a week and at some points the pressure of the kitchen seemed relentless.

At this early hour of the morning the kitchen of the Duke of York was always a quiet place to be. The staff always compared it to the calm before the storm and each one of them made the most of the ten minutes of free time with a nice warming cup of tea and a chat before prep would begin.

After getting her own mug of tea and changing in to her chef whites Jessie slowly made her way to the staff room where she was welcomed by the usual chorus of bright hello’s that issued from every direction. Although no one else knew it, every morning at this point there was always one quiet “hi” that she looked for over every other. During her 6 month’s at the “The Duke” Jessie had got to know and like her friend Lily very well and upon entering the staff room she always made a beeline for Lily’s direction to have their customary morning natter.

Lily was a very shy to those who didn’t know her. Before Jessie had arrived at The Duke this young, petite girl had found it very difficult to make friends with anyone else and had spent much of her day talking to no one else apart from the thoughts inside her own mind. Since Jessie’s arrival however, Lily had completely come out of her shell and could now be known to anyone who asked as the “loud mouth” of the kitchen. Although many other members of the team tried to distract Jessie, she always took these 10 minutes to catch up with Lily on the previous day’s events in each other lives and to put the world to rights.

For Lily this always presented her with the perfect opportunity to moan about her boyfriend in the same witty and slightly abrupt way that she did every morning. For Jessie it gave her the chance to tell Lily of all the troubles she had been getting over the last 4 months. Although each knew that they must have sounded like a couple of moaning gits to anyone that overheard, they also knew that they always felt a little bit better and brighter about their day ahead after unloading their thoughts on to the other.

“So how was last night?” Lily discretely whispered to Jessie as she walked into the room, knowing that Jessie was always a bit wary about the rest of the room knowing her business.

“No different” Jessie replies with a melancholy tone to her voice.

“Really? Still no sleep? You should really go and see someone about this!” Lily states worryingly, “Did anything strange happen last night?”

“No, but it’s really starting to get to me. I wouldn’t even mind if three crazed men wielding axes and dressed in nothing but a thong came into my dream as long as I could get some sleep right now. Getting up every morning to get here is becoming increasingly more painful”.

“I bet. You must be shagged. Hell, maybe’s that’s the problem” Lily says with a raised smile on her face, “If you were getting some every night instead of staying in and worrying about what your parents say to you every Sunday then maybe, just maybe, you’d sleep like a baby”.

“Yeah maybe you’re right” Jessie laughs, “If you know anyone that can provide me with such a remedy then feel free to send them my way”.

Lily always had a way of making Jessie feel just that bit more cheery with her “way with words”. Jessie always thought to herself in the several hours of morning prep just how dull and lifeless she would feel if Lily didn’t have a way of picking her mood up every morning.

“Anyway that’s enough about me and my non existent sleep patterns. How was your evening with the boy wonder?” Jessie jokes.

The “boy wonder” as he was more commonly known was Mike, Lily’s pathetic excuse for a boyfriend. Every day after work Lily would go home and be welcomed with another insignificant excuse for why he hadn’t done the small jobs that Lily had left for him in his state of constant unemployment.

“About as dull and infuriating as the one before.” Lily says with a drop in enthusiasm. “If I have to sit through another evening of Only Fools and Horses re-runs I’m going to shoot myself. I wouldn’t mind if afterwards we had an “early night” but he’s still on a downer in the bedroom department because of the lack of job and the drop in self confidence that it’s given him. And if I have to do the mornings dishes one more time because he can’t be bothered to get off his fat arse up and do it himself then he won’t need to wash them as he’ll be pulling the pieces of plate out of his head instead”.

“I bet. Are you still ok to come with me on Sunday by the way” Jessie asks whilst laughing at the previous witty response.

“Of cause I am” Lily replies, “For starters it’ll give me the perfect excuse to get out of the house for the day and secondly I’d never leave you to go through that on your own. If your parents are anywhere near as bad as you say they are then I want to be there for moral support”.

Sunday was another reason why Jessie’s insomnia had been even worse than normal of late. On Sunday Jessie was going to be going to her parent’s house for her parent’s 25th Wedding Anniversary party and she couldn’t think of a more horrid party to go to. It wasn’t the occasion that bothered her it was the fact that several of her parents most high profile friends were going to be there.

Because of this Jessie knew that her parents would take every opportunity to praise her sisters to their friends whilst forgetting that Jessie even existed. In the back of her head Jessie really didn’t know why her parents had invited her and was just happy with the fact that she wouldn’t have to go through it alone.

“Thank you so much” Jessie says, “If you weren’t coming with me then the whole day would be one massive nightmare”

“You’re more than welcome” Lily replies with a sensitive smile, “Anyway it’s the least I can do after helping me cook that meal for Mikes “allergic to everything” sister the other week. Anyway looks like our times up, Chef’s giving me evils. We better get to work before he throws that veg box at us”.

As the morning went on, Jessie’s mind switched from worrying about her parents party to creating the most beautiful food imaginable. Jessie loved every bit of being a chef and aside from the long hours it gave Jessie the perfect outlet for the mass of thoughts in her head. Getting completely lost in the food and how perfect she could make it was like getting lost in a dream for Jessie and it was the only prefect dream that she could currently experience.

To Jessie, no job in the world could give her the feeling of completeness that she felt every day in this small kitchen. It wasn’t just the creative nature of the work that she was doing it was also the surroundings and the people around her that made Jessie’s job just perfect. It was the nature of this environment that re-enforced the proof in Jessie’s mind that the stuffy, awkward and snobby nature of the world of law was not the right place for her to be.

Each and every day during the prep and service for lunch and dinner there would always be a constant air of banter in the kitchen. Although the work was hard and the days were long, the team at The Duke got along brilliantly and constantly made a joke of each others problems. Although each one of them knew that their lives were far from perfect there was a feeling of pure content in the kitchen on a daily basis and it was a perfect escape for each of them.

Every morning would normally progress in the same old way with the lower level chefs doing all the prep work whilst the more experienced members of the team did the “proper work” as they liked to describe it to the younger members. Jessie had started her career as a chef at this lower level but now that she had been at The Duke for some time she’d worked her way up to the position just under head chef Dean.

The work at The Duke was very much like a production line. All of the team worked as one to get the food out and because the spirit of the team was so high the food always went out perfectly. Jessie knew that her part within this was almost as key as the head chefs and so throughout this day and many before, she had over looked her tiredness and created the most perfect dishes imaginable for her expectant public.

As the day progressed and the lunchtime service came to an end Jessie couldn’t help feel that today she was feeling even more lackadaisical than ever before. Normally even with the smallest amount of sleep the pure adrenalin of working in the kitchen would get her through the day, but today seemed to feel different somehow. It felt as if a heavy and over whelming burden was hanging over her like a 10 tonne weight around her neck.

Today there was a feeling in Jessie’s mind that whether good or bad, tonight she would get some sort respite. She just hoped deep down in her heart that tonight her shattered state of mind would allow her to completely switch off and recover from this day and the previous few days’ events.

As evening service came around it wasn’t just Jessie that was struggling with the high pressure atmosphere that was clearly apparent in the kitchen. Today had been a particularly busy day at The Duke, mainly due to large party of people that the local mayor had brought with him for his wife’s birthday. At the time when they had been welcomed to the restaurant the whole of the restaurant was full to breaking point. It took all of Jessie’s effort and that of the rest of the team just to get through the final few hours.

Once all of the guests had finally been seated and fed the team tidied away and packed up the kitchen for the next day’s events. Although the whole of the team was completely shattered, Jessie knew that each one of them always felt a complete sense of achievement after a busy day in the kitchen. With the high amounts of praise that had bounded their way from the mass of happy diners, there was always a sense of smugness in the air as they individually reflected on the day before heading their own separate ways.

“Did you enjoy that today?” chef Dean asked Jessie as she headed to collect her kit before heading off home.

“Yeah it was good” says Jessie, “I’m completely knackered now though. You know how good it makes me feel working here though.”

“Jessie you don’t have to always put on a brave face with me you know. I can tell you’ve been a bit low recently but you know I’m here if you need anything don’t you” says Dean in a sympathetic manner “You can’t let things get the better of you”.

“You are a darling Dean” says Jessie with a blushed smile “If only things were that simple”.

“Life’s as simple as you want to make it” says Dean “Just remember that.”

“I will. Just remind me of that on Monday after I get the grilling from my parent’s friends”

“You’ll be fine” says Dean, “Just be yourself and they’ll love you like we all do. Chin up yeah and I’ll see you tomorrow”.

“I’ll try” says Jessie with a sense of appreciation in here voice, “See you tomorrow”.

From the first moment they had met at Jessie’s first interview, she and Dean had always got along brilliantly. Even when things in the kitchen got too much to bear they still remained good friends. In fact when Jessie thought about it she knew that Dean had always been really good to her and as he walked off through the kitchen door Jessie felt an overwhelming sense of affection for Dean, hoping that one day he’d pluck up the courage and finally ask her out. Jessie desperately needed a man’s arms to keep her safe and loved at night and felt that maybe, just maybe Dean was that man.

As the rest of the team got their stuff together and left, before Jessie could make her way home like the others she was stopped abruptly at the door by one of the younger members of the team. Lee had only just started working at The Duke and Jessie couldn’t help thinking that this young lad had taken more than just a bit of a shine to her.

On the times that Jessie had made an effort to speak with Lee she always thought that there was something most peculiar about him and it was as if his eyes were looking straight through her when she spoke with him. It was this vacant and slightly odd expression that made Jessie slightly uneasy at the site of his awkward interception.

“You alright Lee?” Jessie asks, “Can I help you?”

“Where you going tonight? Lee replies with a peculiar yet somewhat bashful tone.

“Umm let me think Lee. Home maybe!” Jessie says with a reply that made Lee knew she was in no mood to faff around.

“Can I come with you?” Lee asks in a very twitchy manner.

“No Lee and to be honest you’re starting to freak me out slightly. Why are you blocking the door?” Jessie replies, now starting to get slightly nervous herself.

“Because I didn’t want you to go without speaking to you. I need to talk you about something important.”

“Really and what’s that Lee?” Jessie asks, still wanting to get away from Lee.

“Well it’s about you and….” But before a bashful Lee could finish his sentence an interruption came from the staff room door.

“Lee what the hell are you doing” Lily interrupts as Lee is about to tell Jessie exactly why he’d stopped her. Lee now saw from Lily’s approach why the rest of the kitchen had begun to call her loud mouth. Although quite shy by nature this side of her took Lee (and also Jessie) slightly by surprise.

“Nothing I was just” Lee stuttered.

“It’s ok Lil” Jessie shouts, “Lee was just asking me something. I’ll be going now Lee and I suggest you do the same”.

Quick as a flash Lee grabs his stuff like a young kid who has just been caught doing something he shouldn’t by his mum. Looking around at them both one more time in a sorrowful manner Lee quickly throws open the door before making his leave.

“You alright Jessie?” Lily asks as the kitchen door slams shut again.

“Yeah I’m fine. That was a bit weird but to be honest the way I feel at the moment I don’t care. I just want to get home” replies Jessie in a moody manner.

“Ok fair enough. See you tomorrow” says Lily as Jessie finally leaves.

Although the walk home that night didn’t seem to take long at all, with every step that Jessie took she felt a little bit more nervous from the events that had just taken place in the kitchen. “What was Lee after?” Jessie thought to herself and what was he trying to tell me that made him react like that?

Still slightly scared with what could be waiting for her around the next corner, Jessie quickened her pace as she re-visited the very same route that she’d followed twelve hours previously. It was a warm summers evening and as the sun lit up the dusk sky with rich reds and yellows, all of Jessie’s senses came alive. Whether it was the shock from the events that had just taken place or the fact that every part of her being felt tired beyond repair, as she walked past the park that evening she couldn’t help but feel the cool summer breeze as it whistled through the trees and hear the song of every bird that she walked past.

After what seemed like no time at all Jessie got to the welcoming sight of her front door, yellow in colour and shining bright from the evening light. There hadn’t been one single moment throughout the day when Jessie had felt such an overwhelming case of excitement as she did right now. The thought of finally getting home and resting her weary body had been in the back of Jessie’s mind since the first minute she stepped through the door at work that morning.

With her key ready in her hand Jessie rushed to unlock her front door and step inside. As she shut the door behind her Jessie couldn’t help but feel that her senses were still in overdrive after the brisk walk home that she had just experienced. After a busy shift the house had almost an eerie silence about it, and it was this atmosphere that made Jessie feel that right now, nobody else mattered.

Throwing her bag and running shoes on to the floor in the usual casual manner Jessie grabbed a cup of water before heading into the lounge for usual half an hour lounge in front of the TV. After every day at work no matter how long or how hard the day had been Jessie always enjoyed the thirty minutes in front of the TV to watch the news in her favourite high backed arm chair. She liked to keep up with the events of the day and unwind after the pressures of work and as with many of the events throughout the day it helped her to realise that other people’s lives were as bad, if not worse than hers.

Tonight’s period of relaxation in front of the TV would be slightly shorter lived than the previous nights however. As she sat there listening to how another 200 people had died in a suicide bomb blast in the heart of Afghanistan, Jessie could feel her eye lids starting to get heavier and heavier. Sinking down slightly further into the depths of the chair, Jessie could sense that every inch of her body was starting to switch off, finally giving in to the days of hard work and lack of sleep that had become a regular occurrence in her life over recent weeks.

Too tired to fight the wishes of her mind any longer Jessie finally switched off, slowly relaxing her overworked senses before drifting off into a peaceful state of unconsciousness.

It had finally happened. After weeks of aggravated nights laid up in bed Jessie had finally left the world behind that had caused her so much pain and misery over recent months and had drifted off into what instantly felt like a calm and relaxing place to be. Everything in her mind was suddenly dark and peaceful and the voices of discontent that had been so utterly apparent over recent weeks suddenly felt like a distant memory. However, although everything was now silent there was a small part of her mind that felt like it was suddenly being led somewhere it didn’t want to be.

With her mind wavering towards what was physical and what was simply her unconscious mind playing tricks on her Jessie searched her mind for something constant to take hold of, something that would lead her to a happy and fulfilling place where she could be at ease once again. It was at this moment that something strangely bright took hold of her attention in the darkness.

Walking towards the beating of the light in the distance, Jessie felt a warm feeling inside her, like something was trying to take hold of her and lead her to a place she was destined to be.
“Is this the moment?” Jessie thought, “Is this the one piece of hope that I can finally hold onto in order to be at peace?”

As she inched herself slowly closer to the spot where the ray of light was coming from Jessie suddenly felt something take hold of her and pull her out of the darkness. Jessie knew that this was the moment that she had been looking for and allowing curiosity to finally get the better of her she let go of her surroundings before relaxing and drifting away.

As the light that had dragged her came to an abrupt halt Jessie looked around to survey her surroundings. Although she knew that this was the place she was destined to be she was still in a place that was darker than anything she had ever witnessed. Looking deeper into the darkness that surrounded her Jessie tried with all her might to understand exactly where she was. To her it felt worse than dark here, it felt as if this place had no feeling, like its very soul had been sucked away and its very core had been left to rot.

After briefly looking around Jessie almost instantly knew where the light had lead her for she had been here several times before.

“Not here”, Jessie said to herself. “Not again”.