Morning Fiasco

Buying a ticket: can't decide which one to get, too expensive to
shell out ?4.30 first thing in the morning just to get to work when you
live in zone 2, just because it isn't on the tube. So phaff and can't
decide. Ticket lady makes the machine go zzhish and a return to Oxford
Circus comes spewing out of the slot, only for me to say, "actually,
no, I'll just get a single to liverpool street." She is nice and
smiles. She is patient, I am silly and indecisive. The train comes
then. It's long trunk skulks at the platform and people pour into it. I
say, oh so wisely, "I think the train's here." I hand the ticket lady a
?10 note and she gives me ?8.10. I say "have I got my ticket" she says
"yes, I gave it to you, didn't I?." Heltaskelta, undecourous and
undignified, I charge down the stairs and just manage to squeeze onto
the train which is full of well presented, fully organised and non late
people. Feel shit. The train moves and I think 'I don't have that
ticket.' I check through my bag and find only masses of old
tickets.

Arriving at Liverpool Street there are ticket inspectors. I go up to
the man at the check point (one of the three guarding the gates) and
say "I bought my ticket at Rectory Road and the woman didn't give me my
ticket I was being really indecisive and couldn't decide which ticket
to get and then the train came and I paid and she said she had already
given me the ticket but infact she hadn't given it to me but I paid for
it and it was because I was changing my mind so much." The man, looked
at me coldly. Unamused, he said "go and tell that man over there." I
went over to another man further along the line and said, "are you the
check point man?' He raised his eyelids a bit, and raised his head so
he could look at me. "What's your story?" he asked in a bored voice. I
told him my story. "You need to speak to that man over there" he said.
"We'll phone up the woman at Rectory Road and see if she remembers
selling you the ticket. You realise that if the ticket is not there you
will have to pay the penalty fare?" "yes, I know," I said, walking with
him to a kind of fishtank style box with 2 more uniformed men in it.
Man number 2 says to man number 3 "can you phone up rectory road - she
says she didn't give her her ticket." The fishtank man retreats to far
edge of fishtank and gestures talking on the phone. I have my hands in
my pockets and can feel loads of bits of screwed up paper in there.
Getting feeling a bit pissed off. "You know that if she can't remember
selling you the ticket you'll have to pay the penalty fare" man number
2 said again. 'I know', I said again, 'but I hope she remembers - it
was only 5 minutes ago."

Fishtank man makes a face that suggests the woman doesn't know what he
is talking about. Feel a headmaster's look of disapproval coming from
man number 2 beside me. But then fishtank man comes out and man number
2 says "yes?" and fishtank man says "yes, she remembers," and guy
number 2 says "ok," gesturing graciously for me to go through. "Thank
you," I say curty and walk through the barrier.

Get to Liverpool Street underground to see a sea of seething heads
looking like maggots. Battle my way silently to the ticket machine, and
put in my ?2 coin and get 60p back and 'vzrrhrrr' the ticket machine
says as it spits out my ticket. Then I hear 'elly!' It is my name. I
turn and it is my ex boyfriend. 'Hey, how are you?" I ask him and we
hug. 'Oh, ok.." "yeah?" he says. "I'm just pissed off had a ticket
thing I hate people disbelieving me" I said, people rushing around us
all around. Then: 'this is Lydia' he tells me. "Oh, hi" I say. The
mobile phone he was using to phone work to say he was going to be late
had a sunflower on it. He returned it to Lydia. "The central line is
not running," one of them said. We look around again at the heads. Then
we join them. "So are you going to Great Portland Street?" "Yes," they
both say. We walk through the barriers and over to the right side for
the circle/metropolitan/hammersmith and city line trains. Tt comes v
soon. We all three get on (me-Matt-Lydia) and stand at first. But at
Kings Cross lots of people get off and some seats become free. I sit
first, then Lydia on the diagonally opposite seat, and then Matt sits
beside her.

Arriving at Great Portland Street we all three get off the train
(me-Matt-Lydia) and walk out of the doors. Once round the circular bit
and on Great Portland Street itself Lydia says "I've got to go this
way" at the same time as Matt says "I've got to go this way', and then
I join in and say 'I'm going this way." The ways we had indicated would
have sent me and Lydia crossing the road in the same direction, and
Matt in the other, on his own. Matt said "oh, I'll walk that way too."
Lydia got on a bus to go up to Camden to her record company job "bye,"
Matt called at her, and Matt walked with me. He said "give me a ring
and we'll meet for lunch."

I got into work and had e mail waiting for me from another man not in
my life, who I had told not to contact me anymore. It said "can't I
even e mail you?"

And then my day began. How I love london mornings.