My Trip to Disney

It was a long time ago, a few years ago, I was in seventh grade. So actually, it was about five years ago…almost exactly because Thanksgiving was around the time it happened. It wasn’t on Thanksgiving, maybe a day or two after. I think it was Friday, yes, it was indeed Friday. Saturday we weren’t at the place where the story happened, nor Thursday, and Sunday I was home. Although it was five years ago, I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am, but then again I’ve made mistakes before…kind of like what happened to me, and I hope you find what happened to me enjoyable. Usually people enjoy my stories, but since it’s a story that I’m writing for school I can’t tell a really gross story, or else I’ll get in trouble, and I don’t want that. So I have to keep it clean and safe, but hopefully you won’t think it’s stupid and not enjoyable, because that would make me feel bad because I wasted your time, and you would probably be mad at me for wasting your time.

It happened in Disney World, Florida. Not California, Disney Land is over there, huge difference. My family went down there for Thanksgiving. When I say family, I don’t mean my sister and my parents, I mean my Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. There were twenty one of us. Our Grandparents paid for the entire thing. Their reason was because they want to spend their money before they die so their kids don’t get it. I think it’s sort of selfish, but oh, well, once they croak they won’t care, they’ll be six feet under and not have to deal with any more family gatherings. They also took us to Disney World again two years later…but this story is about the first trip, not the second. So just ignore the fact that we went a second time having a great time in Disney while you were at home bored out of your mind eating the turkey your parents burnt because they’re too lazy to check up on the turkey every once in a while or to even set an alarm.

So, on Thursday, the day right before the important day I was talking about, I was at the park “MGM Studios.” I was there with I think two of my cousins, one of my aunts, and my mom and dad…actually, I don’t think my dad was there. Well, he was at the park, but he was on a ride that I was too afraid at the time to go on…“Tower of Terror” to be precise. So, I was in a store because my cousins (who are girls) dragged me in there to go shopping because girls just have to shop non-stop, even when they’re in Disney! Now, at the time another part of my family was at “Animal Kingdom”, or so I thought. Well, actually, they were at “Animal Kingdom.” They really did go, but they came to meet up with us and to ride “Tower of Terror.” I didn’t know they were there though, so I was just walking through the shops…the shops there are connected so you do not have to go outside to go into another shop; it’s a way to cut down on the crowds. While I was in one shop, I think it was a clothes shop, but when I really think about it, I think my cousins were looking for “a gift of thanks” for our grandparents for paying for everyone. They would come up to me and be all like “how about this? Or this?” All I did was nod my head and go, “that’s fine.”

So I was standing near the entrance to the shop waiting for them to move their lazy asses. I was near the entrance because there weren’t that many people there. The rest of the store was jam packed, but hey, what can you expect on a holiday? Anywhere you go is going to be packed. I’m sure we were lucky enough to get reservations for some of the restaurants there were so many people, but I heard that the week after Thanksgiving there is next to no one in Disney World. We should’ve gone then, but hell, I wasn’t paying for the trip.

All of a sudden, I felt a hand grab my arm, and it wasn’t one of those little tugs your mommy does when she wants you to go somewhere. It was more of a Chuck Norris death grab

of doom and other death stuff! Now, since it was a Chuck Norris death grab of doom, it was held back a little. If it was full death power, my arm would’ve been crushed, and at Disney, you can’t go on all the big kid rides with a crushed arm. Well, I’m sure you actually could, but it’s more than likely not to be as enjoyable, like “Space Mountain.” I’m sure you could go on it, but since the ride jerks you around so much, it wouldn’t be very Heavenly on your arm.

Well, when I felt the Chuck Norris death grab of doom and other death stuff, I freaked out like crazy! I jumped about five feet in the air (not really, it’s one of those exaggerations people use to make a point, it was more like a tiny little hop) and spun around, and I was about to scream “HOLY SHI…” when I remembered I was surrounded by little kids. The other reason I stopped from screaming “HOLY SHI…” is because I just noticed that the person who grabbed my arm was my hardcore redneck of an uncle who I thought was at “Animal Kingdom.” Seriously, he’s a redneck! His family owns a farm, he plays the banjo, he drinks a ton of beer, and he lives on the farm. Now, not all my family are rednecks, just him. He’s related by marriage. But he really is a nice guy. He would never do anything to hurt you or to piss you off. He’s just a total redneck! I have nothing against rednecks; I’m just stating he’s one.

Now, I told you this story about the not important day so you would understand why I did what I did on the important day, Friday. On Friday, we were at “Epcot.” That is another park in Disney World incase you’re a total newbie to Disney, which I would be shocked if there’re people who didn’t know about “Epcot,” but you would be surprised. I have met people who’ve had no clue what Star Wars was, and here I’m thinking that that’s just common knowledge! So I guess a little mini lesson is in order. When you assume something, like how I almost assumed you knew what “Epcot” was, you make an ASS out of “U” and ME, get it?

So, my family was split up again. The reason here, I have no clue why. It’s beyond me now. All I know is that we were split up, and that is all that is important. So this time I was just with one of my Aunts and we were in the Italy portion of “Epcot.” I think I went there to buy a wooden cross necklace made out of Olive Wood that was like only ten dollars! So it was a sweet deal. My aunt went with me because she apparently thought the Italian perfume was “out of this world!” So we were there, and as we were exiting, I saw the uncle that grabbed my arm-the redneck! I saw it was him because he was wearing a Patriots hat, which is what my uncle wears non-stop (even at his wedding), and he had a yellow poncho on. It was not one of those Mexican ponchos, but a rain poncho. It was raining out, not hard, but enough to piss off people who didn’t have ponchos on. So my family bought ponchos for six dollars each! Can you believe that, six dollars for a fucking poncho, and the things ripped easier than wet paper! We were going to bring our own, but we decided to play God and say it wasn’t going to rain. Boy were we wrong, so, here’s another mini lesson-don’t play God because only God can play God, and also you can’t control the weather either because that’s up to mother nature…and Storm from X-men!

Well, I thinking I was so funny, decided to reach out and do a Chuck Norris death grab of doom and other death stuff on my uncle. But, when I did, it turned out that it wasn’t my uncle at all; in fact, it was just some random person I’ve never seen before. I think he was some old guy who almost had a heart attack because of me! But he didn’t thank God because then he would be in the hospital, we would have to pay the bill, and I wouldn’t be able to go on “Mission Space,” which is the one ride I really wanted to go on there. Like, more than any other ride, and man was it worth going on! It was so much fun. There were so much G-force it was crazy!!!

So, I guess what I’m trying to teach here is that you shouldn’t grab random people because they could turn out to be grumpy old geezers who’ll kill you or kill themselves by means of a heart attack. They could also be a Blood member looking for “food” or someone to kill and decide you’re “the main course.” So next time you go to do a Chuck Norris death grab of doom and other death stuff, think about all that I told you today, and say to yourself, “do I really want to end up raped?”