I Guess Everyone Has Hang Ups

“Hi, this is Lina. I’m not able to come to the phone right now. Leave your number and I’ll call you back as soon as possible.” Beep.
“Hi, this is Lina. I’m not able to come to the phone right now. Leave your number and I’ll call you back as soon as possible.” Click.
Okay, I admit I’m starting to act a little obsessive, but I miss her. I miss her soi much that it hurts, I mean physically, in my chest. Besides I might get lucky and she’ll finally decide that wants to take my call one of these times. I know it’s only a slim chance though. She’s pretty pissed at me right now and probably pissed off for good. Besides, I know she has been keeping herself busy since… everything. I’ve heard that she’s helping her mother out at the church and joined in on some reading group and just generally hasn’t been around anywhere that I might run into her.
Man, I wonder how she is doing. I’m worried… no, I’m concerned about her… and the baby. How long has it been now? Almost four months already? Well I do hope everything is alright. She has got to be lonely, I know she is, but she knew what kind of guy Nick was. Maybe the only reason she ever went back to him was because of me, for revenge, or perhaps just lonely, maybe mad at me. I don’t know, I guess it’s kind of my fault for leaving the first time. But the baby’s her mistake. She’ll have to live with it. Nonetheless, I can’t help but feel worried about her. Yes, it is worry I feel.
My fingers keep tracing over the numbers which ring her phone. Right now I know it’s probably useless to call again, still my fingers subconsciously go over her number. I notice that my knuckles are still covered in scabs on my right hand. Man I was stupid that day, stupid and mad.
You see this all started because I left. I freaked out, or something, I just had to get out of here for while so I left and went to Mexico for a while. I just felt like I had to get out for a little while. It was a little over a month before I had returned. You know I told her that I was going to take off for a little while. She even agreed that we need some time apart to think. She said that some of her other girlfriends took breaks from there boyfriends then got back together again later and everything was okay later. I guess everyone has hang ups. But when I told her I was going to leave for a little while she probably thought I’d be gone for a few days. Thing is though I decided to finally come back. She probably thought I wasn’t returning, which is understandable, and well things were real strained. Then she just had to tell me that she slept with her ex-boyfriend, you know Nick. She told me that she thought she was pregnant. I wonder if her suspicions about pregnancy were why she told me about Nick. Anyway I felt horrible, furious, part of me really wanted to hit her. No… actually I wanted to hit myself if I could, but if I had hit something at the time it would have been her.
I didn’t hit her. I didn’t hit anyone. Instead I went through her apartment and began to collect my things. She just sat there on the couch, her face red, her eyes redder and soon tears began to fall as she remained silent. He breathing came a little heavy at times, but she never broke down. I turned back towards her as I left. She opened her mouth as if to say something but didn’t. As I left I gave her look which probably made her wish I had only just hit her.
I threw my things into my very pretty 1967 GTO and drove off. People say the car is my only true love. It’s a Dark metallic blue, black interior and limo black tinted windows. I bought it the same year we started going out. It took four years and too much money to put it at its current condition, but that was kind of the point. The car had become a part of me. I wanted it to be the best it could be as it was almost a representative of my own identity.
When I got home and pulled into my driveway I notice my other car. It’s a convertible Karmen Gia and a piece of junk. She made me buy it because she thought it was cute and thought I would fix it up like the GTO. Instead it’s rusting and taking up space in my driveway. She tried to tell me that it was a fun car, that it reminded her of her younger days.
Younger days back when she was with Nick probably. I cannot fathom why she would go back to him of all people, even to just say hi. She tried to tell me once that he was actually a really sensitive guy, he had just grown up hard and people thought he had a rough exterior. He’s just selfish and stupid trailer trash if you ask me. Having to overcome a lot of problems in your life isn’t impressive if it’s your fault you always your always in trouble. I can’t image him going through an entire day without being under the influence of something.
“He’s going to abandon her.” I mumbled to myself as I imagined his response to learning that Talpa was pregnant. There would be no way that he would take responsibility or even attempt to support her. I wouldn’t be surprise if he even left town four nine to sixteen months, if he hasn’t already left town.
And just like that my fist went into windshield. I knew I hit it hard, but was surprised that my fist went all the way through. I thought the glass would be harder to break than that, but then again, my hand is still pretty sore.
I know what I want to tell her. I don’t know if I will be able to tell her though. I’m afraid of getting angry, of yelling at her. I’m afraid that I’ll belittle her for making the most foolish decision of her life. But I can’t do that. I can’t lose my temper with her. I scared to talk to her because I know I’ll just fight with her, but I know what she really needs is someone to support her. I know it’s kind of my fault. I wish I could tell her that I need her. I want to tell that it’s going to be alright. I wish I could let her know that I have no problem with taking care of her baby. I want to ask her to stay with me, and that no matter how frustrating all of this is, I still love her, and that I believe that we can still make it together. When I was gone I felt that my life was a problem without her. I need to tell her at least that, even if I can’t say everything else.
“Hi, this is Talpa. I’m not able to come to the phone right now. Leave your number and I’ll call you back as soon as possible.” Click.