Bag

THE BAG

It were 'orrible, that bag. All red and slimy an' it 'ad a Lancashire
crickit badge on it. In Sheffield? Ah fun it in Lake Street - daft name
for a road wi not a drop o' watter in sight - unless you count the
lavvies: as barmy as recknin' they play crickit across Pennines.
Anyway, like I sed - Ah fun it in Lake Street - near chippie. So Ah
looks up road and Ah looks dahn road, recknin someone's dropped it
like. But there nobbody an' nowt in sight 'cept a fella and 'is wench
in shadders taking up less space than me.
So Ah picks it up, like. It were a bit 'eavy like, so Ah puts it dahn
agin, sharpish-like.
Then I oppened zip. I used me cap seeing as it were all a bit mucky -
like me cap. Fust time I've 'ad that cap off outside of 'ouse since
Wednesday won Cup.
So I teks a gander inside, like. Flippin' 'eck! No wonder it were
'eavy - it were full of rocks, like someone's nicking one of those
fancy walls you see on way to Bakewell. Reight in middle were this
towel. It were wrapped around summat - summat round. 'Well I'll gu tu
'our 'ouse,' I said, cos reight in middle o' towel were an 'ead - a
woman's 'ead. What a carry on.
Anyway, like, Ah ponders a bit and thinks a bit, then Ah looks up an
dahn road agin. Still nobbut but no-one abaht, so Ah stuffs bag back
where Ah fun it and went into chippie. Well, Ah don't want owt to do wi
owt like that, duz Ah?
'Evenin' Graham, beefburger and sauce, as usual?' sez chippie,
chuckin' chips o'er wi is shovel. 'Ave yer seen owt o' mi wife on yur
travels?'
'Might 'ave,' I sez, 'Anyway, Mek it cod and chips - I'm a bit off
beefburgers terneet.'

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