Realisation.

I think I was prepared. Mentally though, not emotionally. I don't think I could prepare for the ongoing soul slaughter that nature did to me.
And to others, as it does everyday. Now, nearly ten months after, the hole in my life still grows in size, day by day. Your name; it burns the edges, causing more physical pain than I could of imagined. I know they think I've forgotton you- it's gotten easier as time has gone on. But the realistic truth is, that I haven't. Maybe I've become immune to the pain, but I know that it will never go away. I miss you and I would trade my soul to re-live the last time I saw you, even in the fragile state you were in. The things grief does to me- when, with a heart-wretching jolt, I realise that you are never coming back.
How can I face going into your home. Seeing the pictures, talking about you- everytime, I can almost feel the piece of heart falling away. Going to where you are- where I can't reach you.