Eventual Redemption- pt. 1

A snowflake drifted down from the glowing gray sky and landed on the
tip of my beloved's nose. I smiled and kissed the ray of light from the
street lamp illuminating his receding hairline. He pressed his lips to
one of my earlobes and, realizing it was nearly frostbitten, cupped his
hands around my ear and blew warm air. Strong but gentle, he was my new
husband, the love of my life. In the frigid Canadian air, standing in
the backyard of our honeymoon cottage, I was overcome by my
expectations of romance and happiness. Funny how many dreams get
crushed under the weight of reality. Beautiful how new dreams are
birthed out of the pieces of broken ones.

He brought out the real me. For twenty-one years I lived in a stupor as
to who I was. Somehow, this man was able to make me feel comfortable in
my own skin. Still, I wondered how much of me married for love and how
much of me married to escape the "old" me. The old me had no interest
in creating a family. The old me wanted to break the rules and not
follow the norm. I gave sex in exchange for what I perceived as love,
but the two were never intertwined. I dated for the sake of having a
social life, not to find a soul mate. I wrote songs because I took
myself too seriously. I performed them because there was a cheap thrill
in baring all to anyone who would listen. My life was an open book and
now I wish I could tear out a few pages?maybe even a chapter. But as
far as I was concerned, this marriage represented the beginning of an
entirely new volume. I wanted to know what it was like to love out of a
desire for the purest possible form of intimacy.