Umbrella Coffee

Umbrella Coffee

In recent years, we have become accustomed to the enormous variety of consumer goods available to us. From footwear to computers, there is a seemingly endless array of styles and prices to fit any possible choice.

Even in that quintessential model for American consumerism - the fast-food place - there is an ever-widening array of food and amenities for sale. For years, however, the one great bastion of mainstay regularity was the "coffee and doughnuts" joint.

In these places, your choice of coffee was "black," "with cream" or "with sugar." Rock-solid people like truck drivers, cops and laborers frequented these emporiums. They wanted their coffee strong, black and plenty of it.

Alas, even these bastions of regularity have begun to succumb to the changing times. Tim Horton's, Starbucks and local coffee houses have surrendered to the mocha latte, frappe, cappuccino and all other permutations of the "drink with an umbrella in it" concept.

I hadn't realized the pervasiveness of the change until we stopped recently at a Starbucks in suburban Buffalo for a cup of coffee. We didn't want a frappe, or a mocha latte or any of the other "umbrella coffees," we just wanted a plain cup of coffee.

As we entered the shop, the rich aroma of ground coffee beans caressed our senses and the warm comfortable blanket of sensory enjoyment enveloped us. We stood in line patiently, while a bevy of trendy people ordered mocha frappes and mint whatevers.

I could taste, in my mind's mouth, the deep burnt taste of Starbucks' coffee. It is delicious. We were looking forward to a steaming cup of the chicory-flavored brew, with the anticipation that only a coffee lover knows when waiting for that first sip of the day's coal-black elixir.

The blenders whirred busily as the various frappe concoctions were prepared for the trendier customers ahead of us in line. Ordering a cup of coffee is getting to be a lot more complicated and time consuming than it used to be.

Finally, our turn came. We stepped up to the counter and asked the server for "two cups of coffee." She did a head take and had that awful "deer in the headlights" look of someone caught in the throes of a major bout of cognitive dissonance. It is that paralyzing condition exhibited when a mind arrests because the body is doing something that the mind doesn't want it to do.

After a gentle reminder that we wanted "two cups of coffee," the server looked at us guiltily. She asked if we would mind waiting until she brewed a fresh pot.

"What?" I thought to myself, "you don't have any coffee for sale in a Starbucks? You have frappes and mochas and all manner of umbrella-drink coffees, but no real coffee available? Oy vay! What has the world come to? No coffee available in a Starbucks!"

Answering that no, we wouldn't care to wait, we walked out of the Starbucks crestfallen. "No coffee at Starbucks!" I muttered. "What's next? No fries at McDonald's? No pizza at Pizza Hut?"

What an eye opener! Now, I hope all of the frappe drinkers and mocha latte lovers continue to enjoy their exotic choice of beverage. I wish them all well. But all I want to do is find a place where they serve you a cup of coffee, with nothing extra in it but the smile from a friendly server!
Joseph Xavier Martin