A Single Place Setting
By klemmonds
- 614 reads
It's October 1, 1996 and I'm in a hospital room visiting with my
Grandmother. I'm 7 months pregnant and insisting this baby better be a
girl. She's lecturing me for the millionth time that God will give me
what he wants me to have. We're laughing and enjoying each others'
company. But then we always did.
My Uncle Jerry came in to speak to her. He told her he needed to
discuss a few things with her. I stood up to leave but he asked me to
stay. He began to tell her it was becoming harder for his mom to care
for her. So after she got out of the hospital this time, she'd have to
go into a nursing home.
I'll never forget the look on her face when she heard the words
nursing home. It broke my heart. He told her it would be the best thing
for her. One of her granddaughters worked at the nursing home and would
be there with her everyday. He looked to me to help convince her but I
didn't say anything. My Grandmother agreed but I think she did that to
avoid an argument.
I knew in that moment that she wouldn't be leaving this hospital
alive. I knew she wouldn't allow them put her in one of those places.
She'd already lost her independence because of her health. She'd
already been taken out of her home because she could no longer live
alone.
My Grandmother was one of the most independent women I ever knew. Now
she had to depend on others to help care for her. She had to depend on
others to make sure she had her dialysis treatments. Without them she'd
slip into a coma and die. But being put into a nursing home would be
the ultimate insult. I went home that night and prepared myself for the
phone call from the hospital. When we arrived at home that evening our
phone rang. It was my mother telling me to come back to the hospital as
soon as possible. We rested a bit and drove the hour back to San
Antonio.
She had requested that her dialysis treatments be stopped. It was her
way of taking back some control over her life. In less than twenty four
hours she slipped into a coma. All that was left to do was wait. I
slept in the waiting room. I left once only to get some lunch. But
during lunch I had a feeling I should get back to her. I went directly
to her room when we returned from lunch. As I stepped into the doorway
I saw the nurse holding her wrist. And then I heard her say she'd
passed away. Everyone in the room, except for me, started to cry.
I calmly walked over to her bedside. She was independent to the end. I
admired the courage it took to make the decision she'd made. I don't
think I could have done it. I was going to miss being able to see her.
But, I have so many memories of our times together. She didn't really
leave me.
I stroked her hair, kissed her forehead, thanked her, told her I loved
her and said goodbye. Now I had to comfort my mother and sisters.
Everyone was more worried about me. Especially because I was pregnant
and because of how close I was to her. Where I got the strength I
couldn't tell you. It had to be coming from my Grandmother.
When she started getting sick too often, I quit my job in Virginia and
moved back home to be near her. I should have been falling apart. She
was one of the most important people in my life. It all goes back to
when I was a little girl.
I know we all have grandmothers. And we all think ours is the most
special one ever to step foot on earth. Well, mine actually was the
most special one to ever step foot on earth. From the day I born, yes I
remember that far back, she treated me as if I were a precious piece of
glass.
Growing up around her I came to realize that she had definite thoughts
of what it meant to be a proper young lady. A young lady was quiet,
polite and usually in a dress. Hair in a bow or a ponytail tied off
with a ribbon. That's why my sisters didn't like spending time at her
house. When we visited her, I always made sure to wear a dress. My
sisters never understood why I did that. It's what would make her happy
and it was a small sacrifice to make. I loved it! She and I would dress
up and go downtown. She'd buy me a new dress and we'd have lunch at
Woolworth's.
I would never have a birthday without her. I would always ask my dad
to go pick up Grandma and bring her to my party. When my son had his
birthday party I asked my dad to pick up Grandma and bring her to his
party. That day I delighted in watching her watch my son. I knew my
time with her was growing short and so I rarely left her side.
She used to live with one of my uncles. I loved them both. The two of
them made me feel special. He and I used to sit in his baby blue Chevy
and I'd pretend to drive. Mostly we'd sit in the car and listen to
music or a baseball game on the radio. When it was time for me to go
home, he would sneak money to me behind his back.
I remember the three of us were always laughing. They delighted in
everything I ever had to say. I used to ask them why the pecans fell
all over the yard and not in one place. Gathering them would be so much
easier if they would. If I threw bread to the birds in the rain would
they like if it got wet and mushy? I wondered because I hated when cake
and ice cream were on the same plate. The ice cream could get on the
cake and make it mushy. That's just gross. She'd always serve me cake
and ice cream on separate plates after that. To this day I still insist
on my cake and ice cream being on separate plates.
My uncle became ill and had to have both legs amputated. My
Grandmother had taught me that it's not important what someone looks
like. What's important is who they are inside. So I barely noticed that
his legs were missing. But watching her care for him showed me the
strength she possessed. But she also showed me that everyone has to
know their limitations.
Everyone was telling her that he should be in a nursing home. She
believed that family cared for family. That you didn't hand someone
over when things got a little too hard. But she wasn't as young as she
used to be. And she had very litte help. If I spent the weekend I'd
help. But she cared for him without ever complaining.
But eventually it did get too hard for her. She had to make that
choice and it was the hardest thing for her to do. She thought of him
first and made the best choice for him. Not the one that would make her
life easier. She always put others before herself. I do that too.
After my uncle died it was just her and me. I would spend the weekend
with her as often as I could. My brother and sister didn't like being
at my Grandmother's house very much because it was too quiet. We were a
family of four and I liked the calm and quiet of her house. And even
though I was the oldest, I still got lost in everyone else's shadow.
But she had a way of making me feel that I mattered. That I didn't have
to be someone I wasn't to be noticed.
I'll never forget her bed either. It was set up high off the floor.
You needed a stool to get on it. She would let me run and jump up on
it. Sometimes I even made it. On Sundays she'd wake at 6 AM for church.
If I was awake she'd take me with her. If not she'd let me sleep. When
I did go with her I wore my best dress and a veil. She loved to hear me
sing along in church. Afterwards, we'd get something from the church
bake sale.
I learned to like my own company and enjoy the simple things life had
to offer. I would entertain myself by simply sitting on the steps
feeding the birds. Summers, I'd wait on the back porch for the ice
cream man. Those were the days when the ice cream trucks came equipped
to make a real ice cream cone or even a banana split.
Christmas time was always the best. She always had a tree and she
would wait until I spent a weekend to do the trimming. She had those
old bubble lights, when they used to be made of glass and had more than
six lights to a strand. I loved to sit and watch them.
But if one thing stands out in my memory, it had to be her cooking.
She was the best cook and she always made my favorites. I don't know
how you can make scrambled eggs taste like heaven but she could. My
cooking doesn't even come close.
Fast forward to my high school years. As we get older we get busier.
We start spending more time with friends and less with family. But no
matter how old or busy I'd get, I always found time for her. I made
sure to never forget a birthday or a Mother's day. In my last year of
high school I was in a co-op program. I worked in the afternoon at Ft.
Sam Houston. My aunt, who lived next door to my Grandmother, also
worked at Ft. Sam Houston. She would take me to my Grandmother's house
after work. I waited for my dad to pick me up there.
When I'd step out of my aunt's car the first thing that would hit me
is the smell of food. As I stepped into the house on the table would be
a single place setting. It was there for me. I'd put my school books
down on the chair next the door and took my seat. No matter how old I'd
get she always had a way of making me feel like a little girl. My
teenage years weren't some of my happiest but those moments spent with
her made up for them.
Dinner would always start with a healthy salad. I don't know what she
used for the dressing but it was the best dressing I've ever had in my
life. Dinner could be anything from barbeque ribs, chicken, hamburgers
or enchiladas. But it was always one of my favorites. She'd sit with me
and we'd talk about our day. After dinner I'd help with the dishes.
After that I'd grab a cookie from the cookie jar. As long I can
remember she always had Keebler Grasshopper cookies in the house. They
were my absolute favorite.
After dinner we'd go into the living room and watch TV. Something else
would happen there that didn't happen anywhere else. I can't sleep
during the day. So basically unless I'm sick I can't take naps. Well,
the only place I could fall asleep during the day was at her house. My
dad always had to wake me when he'd arrive to pick me up. I always felt
safe and secure at her house. Nothing or no one could ever hurt me
there. It was like being wrapped up in a warm blanket in the winter
time.
No one influenced me the way she did. I never realized that I had
picked up some of her same mannerisms. I open my gifts the same way she
did. She would very carefully remove the tape so as not to tear the
paper. I do the same thing. It takes me forever to unwrap a present.
That's why most of my gifts now come in bags instead. My wardrobe
consists of skirts and dresses. I don't own a single pair of jeans or
slacks. I still love to sit out on the steps and feed the birds.
The only thing I can't do is have her meet her great-granddaughter.
She was born a month to the day after my Grandmother passed away. But
in a way I think she was there the day my daughter was born. My parents
were going to leave early that morning for San Antonio to leave flowers
at her grave. But my dad had had car trouble the night before so they
were leaving later that day.
That same morning I woke up and my water broke. My parents weren't
leaving now. My mother had to be with me at the hospital. If they
hadn't had car trouble she would have missed seeing her granddaughter
being born. I'm convinced to this day that my Grandmother had a hand in
making sure my mother would be there for me that day.
I can see my Grandmother in my daughter. She has the same independent
streak as well as her name - Felicitas. When she gets older I'll tell
her all about her Great-Grandmother. I'll try to instill the same
values she instilled in me. My daughter is a bit more of a tomboy than
I was allowed to be but then that's what made me who I am. It's what
will make her who she is too. It's part of the most important lesson my
Grandmother taught me. It's okay to be yourself and if people don't
like you for who you are - as long as you do - it's all that matters.
Because the most important relationship we have is the one we have with
ourselves.
So when I forget that, I need to only look to a single place setting.
A place setting that today sits in my china cabinet. While everyone
else was hunting for riches among her valuables. A single place setting
from a set of every day dishes was the only thing I asked to have. To
me they held more value than the finest china she owned. When I look at
them I relive those memories. I remember that for a little while, I was
lucky enough to have a little piece of heaven here on earth. But I'd
give anything to have her back for just one day.
I love you, I thank you and I'll always miss you Grandma. But I will
never forget you.
? Copyright 2004 Kris Lemmonds (UN: krislem at Writing.Com). All rights
reserved. Kris Lemmonds has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and its
syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
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