TO DIE FOR A FRIEND

Last year, I went for a mission trip. I had many friends who went
for mission trip and came back to testify that something in their
hearts had changed. I had hoped that this mission trip would change my
life, too. Only that I did not know how the transforming process was to
be.

The mission trip was held in Sarawak. The day before we were supposed
to leave for Sibu, we went to a place near one small river for a picnic
and some games. It was the dry season so the water current was not
strong. The river was mostly knee deep, but in certain places the
riverbed dropped to as low as twelve to fifteen feet.

I walked along the riverbank with Joshua and Ne Yoong, crossing on the
shallow side. Then we descended again to where the pastor was playing
with his children. Pastor was across the river, while we stood on the
other side, talking and joking. Feeling hot, Joshua went into the water
and started swimming about. Ne Yoong however was just wading in the
waist deep water. Joshua was a good swimmer, while Ne Yoong and I were
dry ducks.

I stood at the edge looking at them. A crazy idea flashed through my
mind.

That crazy notion made me ask jokingly," Hey! Do you guys think it's
possible for you to ferry me across the river to the other side?"

Joshua looked up from the water and looked at me with his wide-opened
eyes. Then he smiled and replied," Come, come! Why not."

Giggling, I protested, "No, no, that's crazy! I was just joking.
"

I was still laughing over the thought of the idea when Ne Yoong
suddenly came from the back, and pushed me in. It happened so suddenly
and caught me so surprised that I could not do anything to prevent it.
Meanwhile, Joshua, who was already swimming in the water, pulled me in.
The current and the sudden drop of the riverbank surface was such that
if one fell into the water, one would sink straight to the bottom like
lead. Joshua tried to pull me further and further away from the bank.
The water was now up to my nose. Joshua struggled to keep my head up
but I was already in panic and that did not help.

I could not swim and did not know how to float myself. I began to
struggle in the water. All I knew instinctively was to keep my head
above the water. Therefore, I began to grab on to just anything that I
could get a hold of. Unconsciously, out of panic and shock, I started
to press onto Joshua's body in order to keep my head up. This resulted
in me pushing him further down into the water. Joshua began to choke
and started struggling and panicking. I then suddenly realised what I
was doing and quickly let go of him.

I felt that I was struggling in vain and sank into the river
helplessly. Beneath the surface, everything was green, and silent. My
mouth was puffed up with air. My
hands and feet were waddling and flailing helplessly in the water,
trying to float or to swim, or just anything. Just as long as I could
break the surface, just as long as I could stay alive. I could not
breathe properly as water went into my nose. Joshua tried to come and
get me, but he could not secure me. I was struggling too wildly, I
would have drowned him also. Then, I began to sink even deeper. Joshua
made a final, third attempt to save me. By then, I had ceased
struggling and he was able to pull me up. I was so relieved to see the
blue sky once again!

Joshua and I both panted for breath. I shook the water from my face,
eyes, and ears. After that I wanted to scold Ne Yoong for pushing me
down. I looked around and could not find him. What we did not know was
that when Joshua came to help me Ne Yoong had jumped into the river
too. Then we realised Ne Yoong was still down
in the river, beneath the surface. So he jumped back in looking for
him. He
dived in a few times and resurfaced but he could not find Ne Yoong. We
were very alarmed.

Joshua had been shouting for help earlier so by then others, too, had
gone in the water looking for Ne Yoong. My heart was pounding while I
ran up stream to where there were people around to call for help. Some
people came and one or two joined the search. Some were just looking on
and some were asking about how the incident happened.

Finally, pastor found him at the bottom of the river and pulled him up.
Our hearts sank when we saw that Ne Yoong was blue all over. He was not
breathing and had no pulse. Pastor performed CPR on him, but there was
no response at all. Someone had called the ambulance. Ambulance was on
its way but we could not wait. We took him up into the van and rushed
to the hospital. Halfway, we met the ambulance and we transferred him
over. The paramedics took over the job, trying to save him all the way
to the hospital.

In the ambulance, Joshua kept on calling Ne Yoong's name, "Hang on! Ne
Yoong&;#8230; hang on&;#8230;." I did not know what to do besides
crying to God with all my heart for Ne Yoong's life. The whole thing
was too terribly startling and overwhelming for me. Tears messed up our
faces. Ne Yoong was such a dear friend to us and to all. He was well
known as Mr. Nice Guy who had a tender, loving and generous heart,
always eager to help no matter what situations. Ne Yoong was well liked
by all people, young or old.

Ne Yoong did not show any response even until we reached the hospital.
The doctor took over the job while we all prayed earnestly, asking Him
to preserve Ne Yoong's life outside the emergency ward. Doctor tried
for more than an hour to resuscitate Ne Yoong before finally giving up.
At the end, he pronounced Ne Yoong dead. Mr. Nice Guy was history . .
.

What nonsensical idea I had to ask a friend to ferry me across a
dangerous river! Oh, God forgives me! My heart cried. An iron had
entered into my soul. It all started with a foolish joke I made and it
has caused such a tragedy and tremendous grief. I felt awfully
terrible. After the incident, day and night I thought of it. I could
not do anything else besides condemning myself. Friends had called me
up to talk to me. I would not be consoled or comforted. How could
I?

One friend, in her effort to try and console me, made a very blunt
remark, "Yee Hong, you should consider yourself fortunate. How many
people on earth are there actually who have had others die for them or
even be willing to do so?" It sounded very weird to me. Did I really
deserve a friend to die for me? The tragic scenes played through in my
mind like a movie over and over again. It was such tremendous torture
when I thought of myself suggesting the nonsensical idea. I almost felt
that I was the one who killed him with my very own hands!

It was school holidays after the incident happened. I stayed at home
and reminisced of the good time we had together before Ne Yoong died. I
had known Ne Yoong for a couple of years. The time we spent together,
attending the same camps or other activities in church. The big or
little things that he had done for me when I was in need. We had indeed
gone a long way together. Ne Yoong's death had truly caused a great
pain in my heart and mind. Consequently, the pain caused a great change
in me.

I took my time to recover from the pain of losing a good friend. As
time pass, I realised I was changing, in my thoughts as well as
actions. For instance, I began to treasure each life around me. I
learned to not take people for granted especially friends. Slowly, I
accepted the fact that he had died for a good cause. My friend was
right, I was very fortunate to have a friend who was willing to die for
me. Ne Yoong's act was so noble. When he died, it left not only a deep
impact on me, but also on others.

How many of us would die for our friends? I asked myself if I would die
for Ne Yoong if I was in his shoes. I wished I could be a true friend
like Ne Yoong. He died because he wanted to save me, it was an act of
love. It was a debt of love that I owed Ne Yoong and it was a debt that
I could never pay him back. The only thing I could was to die for
others in return. Not die physically but rather die to all my selfish
ways, to change myself rather than trying to change others, to accept
and love my friends the way they are. I never understood the true
meaning of this before that tragic incident. Jesus in the bible had
said this&;#8230;

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his
friends."