The Costa del Sol, España
By Love To Write
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Mountains upon mountains. The faded greens of baked vegetation and the brilliant array of browns and stones lie in the waves of heat rolling lazily in from the sky. As the trees part they reveal something quite different from the awe inspiring nature that was before. Buildings upon buildings sprawled on the side of steep slopes and lurking in the crooks of sweeping valleys. Tall and towering, they present a united front of dominance.
Man has forcefully and aggressively staked claim to this land like a gnarled and greedy hand wrapped around a thick, chilling flagpole, burying it punishingly deep into newly discovered land. But this united front is anything but and the dominance and control you perceive is a hasty drawn facade, as if a thin curtain as quickly and cowardly been drawn to cover a forbidden secret. The united front is not arranged with precision like an army or controlled with the fairness and unity of a well respected general. It is a squabble of bloodthirsty hyenas fighting and clawing at each other in a desperate attempt to shine brighter and bigger and better to the gullible, sun-loving tourists than its competitors. This is a fight to the death that has resulted in many casualties.
The dominance that seems to be radiating from the skyscrapers and sprawling hotels, the shining electric gates, the vast number of faux smiles and accented english words spoken by waiters is fake. Nature cannot be this easily controlled and subdued. The mountains are lying dormant, like cunning volcanoes, or hibernating, like calculating bears. Their steep sides and rocky outcrops, deep valleys and gorges are not to be messed with.
As one person coming to this conclusion, you realise how small we are to nature. The world was here long before us and is wiser and stronger and more powerful than our tiny, young human minds can even imagine. We cannot comprehend the force that we have reckoned with.
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Comments
Ok.
Ok.
I hear you. It's 10:47 in the UK so expect nothing untill 09:30 Spanish time. I will post some positive editorial feedback.
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Ok Love To Write I promised
Ok Love To Write I promised some feedback so here it is.
First off I can see that you have categorised this as being in the 'young writers' section so I am assuming that you fall into that age group.
The morality message of the piece is clear and the level of your commitment to the theme at hand is obvious. That is important because you are writing from the perspective of 'omniscience' - that means that you, as the narrator, know exactly what the problem is and what is needed to be done to deal with it. As far as that goes that's ok but there's a but.
Because the piece is omniscient it means that the reader sits back and reads and allows him/herself to be informed and told by you, the writer. There lies both the benefit and the weakness of such an approach. Most readers want to be given questions not answers. That means that in the omniscient approach that you have here the reader essentially becomes a passive recipient rather than an active participant.
Try to show us the social, environmental and ecological impact of this unfettered development rather than simply describe it. Try to rework the piece so that the reader becomes as committed as you are about the problem. At the moment what you have is an excellent statement that could be read out to a receptive audience, turn it into captivating and transporting prose by causing the reader to have to find their own answers.
I hope that this makes sense and that you're ok with it? Remember that this is just my opinion and simply ignore it if you disagree. I know this part of Spain really well having spent many years there so I completely agree that what has been allowed to happen is a disgrace. Keep writing, you have a great potential.
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