Readjustment

I was called into Mr Andrew's office at 10.58am.

"As you are no doubt aware Barrett, we are currently in the midst of a
major corporate re-alignment strategy..."

Chesterton had taken the early retirement option; I had seen the photos
of his fianc?e and by all reports, she could not wait to arrive in this
country.

"...What this means, to all intents and purposes, is that streamlining
has become the key focus of our forward planning initiative.
Biscuit?"

Delaney had instantly taken the redundancy package and was planning to
invest the majority of the money in his sisters blossoming pop career.
To date, she had had two Pop Idol auditions and her Karaoke rendition
of Christina Aguillera's 'Dirty' was fast becoming something of a
legend.
There were no Hob-Nobs.

"Crucial to the continued success of these proposals is the diversity
with which we implement them..."

Featherstone had accepted the transfer to Denver with relish and the
pictures he e-mailed back to the rest of us revealed the 'camp cowboy'
inside, was now well and truly out.

"...And, as such, your part in the company's future, at present, we
envisage to encapsulate the sense of self motivation with which you,
and your work, has become synonymous."

Garrison had left the company two months before the shakedown
commenced. His wife, upset that they had missed out on what could have
been a nice little pay-off, left him shortly afterwards telling him she
could be just as impulsive as he had been.
Mr Andrews was staring at me; was I meant to be saying something?
"Thank you Mr Andrews" I said.

"Don't thank me Barret, it was Henson in Accounts who suggested you. He
informed us about your passion for the great outdoors. Now, would you
prefer the full length Mac, or the three quarter length?"

Henson? Henson? Was he the one that looked like a mole?
"I've always been a three quarter length man. Sir" I said.

"Oh well then, I think I can guess where you'll land on this one, but
I'll ask for the sake of it... Tea cosy or balaclava?

No. It was Innes that looked like a mole. So, Henson must be the other
one, the one with the leg.
"I'm sorry Sir, I don't quite follow you." I said.

"Balaclava it is then. I must say that surprises me but that's why this
is so exciting. This thing. With you. I'm almost envious you know. Now
then, what about your prop..."

Henson. With the leg. He could always score from a penalty. He was
regarded highly in the companies' five-a-side team. Bastard.

"What do we have here then? A miniature teapot, minus the lid, a
trumpet without the mouthpiece or a Brazilian flag. Come on, the
suspense is killing me."

I had no idea what was happening and said as much.
" " I said.
Mr Andrews placed the miniature teapot on the desk and pushed it
towards me.

"I can't wait to see what you come up with. Now, as for your new base
of operations, we've decided that for the first six months, you should
stay close by and so we have earmarked the underpass by the station for
you. You could, if you insist, have the hospital skips but I have to
tell you that Jameson from Development has her heart set on that
location for herself. What do you think?"

Having eaten enchiladas for supper the previous evening, I pinched the
back of my hand to check that this was not some jalapeno-induced
hallucination.

"Excellent. Good man. Now you are probably wondering about your wife
and children; well, needless to say, in view of your outstanding
contribution towards the company profile to date, not to mention this
fresh undertaking, we've seen to it that your family will be well
provided for. In fact, our friend Henson will be overseeing the daily
maintenance of your household. I hear your wife has taken quite a shine
to him."

It was my wife, Kate, who had first pointed out Henson's leg.
Bitch.

"Well I think that's everything. Oh if you'll just excuse me..."

As Mr Andrews picked up his telephone, I noticed his fingernails had
been given a glossy coat of orange varnish.

"Hello security? Yes Andrews here, would you be kind enough to send up
a couple of chaps to escort Bill off the premises. Thank you so
much."

Mr Andrews replaced the receiver and then sat grinning at me like an
over excited schoolboy.
"My names Stephen sir, not Bill..."

"I know that Bill but Stephen just didn't have the same ring to
it."

THE END