The Voice

But which one?
the one you see?
the one anna sees?
or the one everyone else sees?

It’s your choice which to believe,
It just does not feel like a choice.

One screams louder to each individual.

To me it’s not a scream.

To me anna comes from within and rips you to pieces from the inside out.
hearing others rude remarks hurts inside,
but feeling and hearing your partner in crime, anna, rip you to pieces is worse.

anna is the best at what she does,
she gives you that extra boost,
helps you be the best you possible,
screams happiness and encouragement at you when you do good
the good feeling anna can give is an addictive, and short lived, high.
within minutes you are back to being a fuck up.
anna will tell you how to fix it,
Be perfect.
Perfect people don’t need food, they are better than that, food is for the weak.
Your stomach growling? Your stronger that that, your better than giving in.
See them people eating over there? They are weak!

Try to ignore anna and you will hear from her.
You fat ass!
Move now!
Your going to be worthless your whole life! No one wants to hire a weak, fat, slob, and that is just what you are.
Ignore that and she uses what I call the manual over ride in your brain.

Most people’s choice in life is to run from the screaming, run from the scary, the bad, the cruel, and the downright awful.
You can run from what’s within. I tried.
The weaker you get, the stronger anna gets. You can starve yourself, but she will thrive and starve you more.

Don’t worry one more day and your perfect.
3 more pounds.
It gets where you no longer wish to fight her, and you give in.
You can get stronger too, but then she is louder.

Somedays I feel like I may pass out from how fast my heart is racing, how afraid of her, or myself, I am. Others I think I have anna ran off.

Then relapse. Her hiatus, or vacation, is over and she comes back stronger, more rested up and ready than ever.

I am paying for her last vacation now, hearing it again scares me more than ever. I have dealt with the worst of her, so why I’m scared now I don’t know, but I just know I am.