Anal Issues

Oh piles,
Oh buddy you've got piles.
You shouldn't have strained,
You should have your bowels trained
And now you're bleeding for days
So unworthwhile.

Oh constipation,
Oh buddy you've got constipation,
You can't get it all out,
However much you scream and shout,
Please take these laxatives,
A minor compensation

Oh diarrhoea,
Oh buddy you've got diarrhoea,
It's plopping out at many miles an hour,
You knew it was odd when those grapes tasted so sour,
But you've gotta clean up that mess,
And you have to confess,
You couldn't image a smell any fouler!