Goming About in the Garden

I am thinking of writing a follow up story if people want

Goming About in the Garden

Wiping his sweaty brow and sighing contently, Sidley scanned the blissful and oh so glorious sight of the breath taking garden with his old and tired eyes. Everything from the intoxicating smells of all the different colourful and pretty flowers to the way the crystal clear flow of the waterfall crashed down upon its carefully laid out rock pool. The sound of the water tinkling down was like music to his small but pointed ears. The sun was burning brightly in the cloudless sky and Marvin was out on the prowl again. But with abit of luck he would of caused enough mischief while under the safety of the blanket of darkness just before dawn that morning to cause Sidley any more concern.

Yes it wasn’t nice at all to awake to find your beautiful but at the same time petrified little wife screaming up into the furry face of an tiger. Well to be truthful Marvin was nothing more than a playful kitten, but to Sidley and his family Marvin might as well have been the biggest hungriest most fierce tiger to have ever walked upon the earth. For Sidley was only an few inches in height certainly not the size to fend off the likes of a kitten.

So he had only stood there in a sleepy doze as his wife Margaret managed while caught in the kittens doom like shadow to somehow clamper to her tiny feet. She had then run as fast as she could, but given her red hat had kept falling down over her eyes she only made it as far as the long sliding patio doors before she had bounced backwards amongst the long and tangly garden weeds. The force of her head butt off the glass had left her dazed and confused. It was only when Sidley’s and Margaret’s teenager son, of many years had cried out with fright from his spot in green grass of the garden, That Sidley had realised the full horror of Margaret’s injury. She had broken and snapped her little arm, It was lying in between the long stalks of the overgrown grass.

The sight of his wife’s broken arm was made even more traumatic for him because at the end of the arm was Madge’s hand, the hand in which she held her little fishing rod. Quickly refusing to accept that there was not to be anymore romantic little trips down to the crystal blue waterfall for him and his beloved Margaret where they both had happened to have enjoyed countless hours of fishing, much to the annoyance of humans, Who Sidley and his family often referred to as their masters or owners or even the giant people.

Sidley had done the only thing he knew that would provoke an reaction out of the friendly humans, without alerting them to the fact that what they only thought of as a couple of garden ornaments were in fact as much alive and real as they were.

Being a gnome it turned out did in fact have its perks. One of these perks was that every gnome was given a very small but rather deafening little whistle, known in the grooming community as the ear drum slatternly, as part of their gnoming training to live amongst the humans. Every gnome though was strictly told that the ear drum slatternly was only to be used in a matters of truly petrifying moments of terror, as an safety measure to ensure not to cause any of their nice owners heads to explode from their sheer noise. But upon seeing Margret’s little gnome arm lying there just awaiting its fate of being carried away by Marvin to become another of his proud trophies. Sidley had whipped up the little but deadly whistle out his little blue waistcoat and had pressed it between his tiny lips and had gave it oh so mighty blow.

Adam Chestnut very much considered himself to be an somewhat light sleeper. This was probably due to the fact that every slight bump that happened in the night made him increasingly nervous and jumpy. So jumpy in fact that Adam had insisted upon the very outrageous and expensive purchase of one very long and slender baseball bat. Sandra Chestnut had just stood there shaking her head upon the day, Adam had stood before her beaming down proudly as he had held the bat length ways across his palms.

“So babe what do you reckon looks good eh? Adam had said Sandra had only rolled her eyes while muttering a few choice words under her breath.

“What’s that babe, did you say it looks strong? Well yes I am proud to say that I asked for the bat to be made with the strongest hardest hitting wood that could be found. No more noises in the night will ever scare me witless again, not while I have this little beauty at hand.”

And as the years had passed Sandra grew an custom to the fact that her husband hugged that baseball bat tightly against himself at night instead of her. Sandra often told her jealous mind when it started to tease her that Adam loved that bat more than her, which no way was that true. The sad fact was she had married a sacredly cat and sometimes a cry baby. The baseball bat was in an sense Adam’s very own safety blanket.

And so it was like every other night Adam had lay on the very edge of his and Sandra’s double bed, with the covers slightly pulled back so if any dangerous sounding alerts like say a small whistle being blown by a garden gnome were to happen, Adam would be up and ready for the incoming attack.

The ear shattering sound had not happened straight away, which had Sidley’s thinking that he had been equipped with a faulty whistle. Proxy gnoming training program he thought, as he had pulled the whistle away from his quivering lips. Margret had managed to get to her feet but was still wandering around the garden in a daze. Gregory Sidley’s and Margret’s teenage son had let out another cry as he still stood rotted to his grassy spot.
Marvin was advancing towards Margret’s little arm. All hope had seemed to be at an lost, until all of a sudden the ground beneath their tiny gnome feet began to vitiate.

Up in the bedroom of the Chestnuts the windows were rattling and their bed was shaking. Sandra just lay there with her covers pulled all the way up to her chin, her eyes shut tightly she had screamed out when she had felt the slight shake of her shoulders caused by Adam.
“Babe, babe wake up I…….”
“Oh that’s right Adam I’m asleep, of course I’m not awake already.”
“Babe I think it’s an earthquake, or now come to think of it Bob from down the road did say he had heard rumours of the council thinking of bulldozing the street.”
Sandra had only frown at her husband while she tried to steady herself while sitting on the side of the bed.

“Do you think they have started?”
“No Adam, I don’t there’s even an chance that they have started bulldozing our street.”
“Oh why do you think that?” Adam had asked daring himself to take an glance out of the window.
“Oh let me think hmm because it’s THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.”
“Oh ah fair point.” Adam had said. He then had went about opening the window and next thing Sandra knew he was sliding down their escape rope. Adam had demanded it to be there in case of things such as house fires, burglars or in case he happened to ever see a spider.

The rumbling and the vitiating had now a slight high pitched wail to it.
Sidley had managed to grab Gregory from his rooted spot in the garden and they had both gone to take cover in a nearby flowerbed. Because oh boy it wasn’t half about too get earth shattering loud. Sidley had only heard the ear drum slatternly once before and the sound had made him faint for just over a fortnight.

“Dad I don’t suppose you have something I can blow my nose on?”
Sidley turned to Gregory to see all his face looking puffy and his eyes all runny.
“Oh Gregory this is not the best time to be getting hay fever.”
“Well you say that but we are lying in a flowerbed the pollen levels must be sky high.”
Sidley shook his head and quickly passed over an very large looking green leaf. Gregory took it and began blowing his nose.

Adam Chestnut meanwhile was now stood in the middle of the lawn bathe in the bright lights from his home’s security floodlights his trusted baseball bat held high in the air

“SANDRA BABE I DON’T SEE NOTHING, BUT ............OH MY GOD MARGARET. BABE IT’S MARGARET SHE’S BROKEN HER ARM OH DEAR OH DEAR. WE CAN’T HAVE THAT, NO WE CAN’T, NOT WHEN I’M GOING FOR THE BEST GARDEN IN BRITAIN AWARD.”
Adam had then went to pick Margaret and her arm up off the grass, and it was then that the high pitch wailing sound of Sidley’s whistle became unbearable. That the only thing Sidley could remember seeing before blacking out was of Marvin tumbling down from the Chestnut’s apple tree. The ear drum slatternly must have given the poor kitten the biggest fright of his life.

Now the sun was shining and Sidley was smiling as he caught the hammering noise from Adam Chestnut’s little tool shed. Margaret was sure to come out of there all mended and even more stunning than the first day he had gazed across at her at the local garden centre. Sighing at the fond memories he glanced casually to his side to catch Gregory standing next to him.

“Ah son what brings you over to my patch of grass?”
“Well I might as well tell you, I have a date with Pip from next door. Do you know if she’s there?” Gregory asked looking proud while blushing slightly.

“I don’t know Gregory but let’s have a wander over to the waterfall. Maybe we can catch one of Adam’s fish to have as a welcome home dinner for your mother. We will be able to glance through next doors brushes to see if Pip is there.
“Ok Dad but I warn you now don’t going gnoming my style, I want to have this girl fall in love with me.”
Sidley laughed.
“I’m serious Dad, anyway don’t be to smug she may have Blip with her today.”

Sidley stopped laughing Oh for gnoming Christ sake not Blip. She was always fluttering her little eyelashes at him and looking at him like she really wanted to see him naked. Oh no gnoming way of that ever was happening. Blip was a way too dirty minded gnome for him. Plus he couldn’t have Margret getting jealous. Not when it was said in gnome laws that you bonded with the other gnomes that you are brought with in the garden centre any kind of Gnome affair was very much forbidden.

Sidley hopped upon his toadstool at the grass ledge of the garden’s waterfall and then helped Gregory onto his toadstool. With that done Sidley passed Gregory his fishing rod and then plopped his own into the water.

“Errrr don’t we need bait or something Dad?”
“Oh no Gregory unknown to the giant people one does not need bait one just whistles a pleasant tune; the fish do enjoy music when they swim about.” Sidley said beginning to whistle.
“Ah clever”
“Yes it is so simple, mind you don’t get pulled into the water though Gregory you’re only small after all I……….”
“Oh my fancy that out of all the gardens in the world we so happen to come across you handsome devils.”
Sidley sighed why did Blip have to be here?
“Well not surprising seeing as we do live in the next garden to you Blip.”
“I know and yet you are still able to control yourself you could have crossed the boarders at anytime, and had your wicked way with me eh Sid?” Blip said giving Sidley an lustful look.
“It’s Sidley not Sid.”
“Oh get you, well you do seem like a very grumpy gnome today, but don’t worry I may just jump across into your garden and give you a good gnoming.”

While all this was going on Gregory was doing his best not to fall from his toadstool. The sight of Pip with her long blonde flowing hair is anything but breathtaking.
“Err hey there I’m Gregory.”
“I know that silly, I know who you are.”
“Oh yeah I guess you would so errrrr.”

“NOW DO SHUT UP BLIP I’M MARRIED I CAN’T RUN AWAY WITH YOU TO ONE OF YOUR FLOWERBEDS NO MATTER HOW PRETTY IT IS.”

Sidley was breathing hard and a pulled his blue hat up from over his eyes.
Blip was stood with her arms folded looking very cross and put out.
“Fine Sid have it your way play hard to get with me.”

Gregory rolled his eyes at the bickering going on around him.
“I know they are rather uncool aren’t they?” Pip said laughing slightly.
“Yeah so err what do you think of me and you maybe……..”
“Hey Gregory son you lucky sod, you have a really big one there wow it’s huge.” Sidley nearly sent Gregory flying off his toadstool has him slapped him on his tiny back with pride.
“I do oh wow yeah I do, hey Pip look I have a big one.”
“Pardon?” Pip asked as she came forwards blushing slightly.
“Oh I see it’s a fish, your talking about a fish.”

“I say your mother will be so happy eating that tonight, careful now ease your rod back gently Sidley says unaware that he had indeed took Gregory’s fishing rod away from him and was easing the fish out of the water. Gregory just left his Dad to reel the fish in as he gazed dreamily over at Pip.
“So Gregory I have been watching you through the brushes and I was wondering would you like to maybe be my boy gnome friend?”
“OH YEAH FOR SURE PIP, I AM SO HAPPY NOW I……..”Gregory then finds himself lost in an rather girly fit of giggles. Sidley glanced around giving him an odd look.
“Get a grip son and invite Pip round for some fish.”
“Can I come too” Blip asked.
“Oh no sorry Blip I’m afraid we have a cat and I know you’re not a fan of them.” Sidley answered feeling rather smug.

So later that night Margret returned with her new and improved super glued arm, which impressed the gnomes greatly, The celebrations, for her homecoming with an freshly cooked fish courtesy of the their little oven inside their small gnome hut down the bottom of the Chestnuts garden went long into the night.

“So that was nice wasn’t it?” Gregory asked as he walked Pip home across his lawn.
“Yes but you know what is even better?”
“No what?”
“This” Pip said as she kissed Gregory softly on his lips. Gregory was left speechless as he watched Pip dash through the brushes to the garden next door.

Ah I have a gnome girlfriend who would of thought it possible? Gregory thought as he crossed the lawn. Nothing could ruin the way he was feeling right at the moment of time or could it?

The End