Well, are you going to speak to me about what's going on, or just continue to ignore and deny things?

I am not good at honesty. I haven't done it for quite a while and get by in life with a habitual and comfortable order so that I don't have to be brutaly honest.

My only suprise in all this is that I have survived until my major arteries decided to bleed. Semi intact...or at least blagging it. Okay big apologies for totally messing up because I couldn't stand to look you in the eye and confess what I have done, where I have been and how I chucked away so much in my life. I could never tell you who exactly I am and what exactly I have said and what exactly I have swallowed.

But one thing is wrong. Pretending and ignoring are a farce that the real me is screaming out in the sweat of every second, every minute, every little tic toc of the past weird nightmare unreal that has stolen me these past two weeks.

So what am I supposed to do now? I can't bear to be within ten miles of most of my family. I dumped the only person who truly loves me, years ago and I can't evern remember. Most of my mates are the ones I conned into thinking I am something I am not and their stares of concern unnvere me.

I am terrified in all this. Of you and of how the heck I am going to work things out again.

And to anyone who thinks time heals..I can't live it here.