Looking Back

Looking Back.

On reflection his had been a very protected childhood, certainly in
the first few years when his mother had spoiled him terribly. He
recalled many rows overheard between his mother and father, and the
occasions when he had been scolded or punished by his father and having
been instantly comforted and fussed over by his mother.
At school he had had problems too. He had gone to primary school at
five, being able to read, write and do his basic tables. This was
frowned upon by a teacher, the proprietors daughter, and she had
victimised him and made him the laughing-stock of the class.
He was bigger than average for his age, and this treatment caused him
to become very aggressive to the teachers and his fellow classmates.
This was to cause further trouble throughout his days at school, which
were definitely in his case not the happiest days of his life!
After school he went to college and on to university. This again, he
mused, had not been the good and worthwhile time that it should have
been. He had always had a very soft spot for, and a way with animals,
and had wanted desperately to be a veterinary surgeon. Parental wishes
had decreed that he become an engineer, (the family tradition) and he
did go to Imperial College in the London with good intentions. However,
he was very much more a practical, than theoretical person, and the
lectures were to him absolute drudgery.
His liking for, and ability at sport, was quickly noticed and he
played rugby while at college just like his father before him. Though
unlike his parent, he found that he was unable to keep up with his
college work and failed his first year examinations.
The meeting with his parents to discus his future was not a happy
event, the end result being an ultimatum that it was either a year out
of university studying and re-sitting the entrance examinations or a
career at sea. He remembered his pleas to be allowed to apply to
veterinary college falling on very deaf ears, and the subsequent
derogatory comments in respect of a son daring to suggest such a sissy
profession. To this day he found that he could recall his sadness and
regret of that time and his bitter comment that he had better go off to
sea, and get out of his parents hair.
He had spent four years at sea as a navigating officer with Royal
Dutch Shell and apart from the often revolting smell of some of the
cargoes, he had enjoyed it. He left the sea in the late
nineteen-sixties to start a garage business with a friend. This proved
to be a very successful venture and did gain some parental
approval.
Shortly after the business started he had met a girl and a
relationship developed. His efforts to date with the opposite sex, had
been rather shallow he mused. He had not really had time for girls when
at school, and at university his encounters had been lusty one night
stands usually after riotous parties, and he had never seemed to want
or sustain a permanent relationship. His time at sea had further
restricted his ability to meet a, in his mothers terms, 'nice
girl'.
Sadly his parents did not like or approve of his new girlfriend,
particularly his mother, who had been a terrible snob he thought on
reflection. One weekend they had gone to stay with his parents at their
large country house, and he remembered that his girl had become rather
quiet and reserved by the afternoon of the second day. The following
week she had contacted him and tearfully broken off their recent
engagement.
He recalled his feelings at that time were mostly of anger directed at
his mother who he was convinced (correctly) had a lot to do with the
break-up of his relationship. For a few weeks he was very angry, but as
the dust settled he had to agree that he was in his heart, not too
devastated by the events, and he secretly thanked his mother for
getting him 'off the hook' though he had never told he so!
On new years eve of nineteen eighty-two he had met Margaret. She was
the most beautiful creature that he had ever seen and he fell head over
heels in love with her. The pair had had a very reckless affair that
was over (due entirely to his own stupidity) in six glorious, and at
times for him heartbreaking months.
The end of the affaire coincided with his being notified that due to
defence cuts the naval dockyard, in which his garage business was
located was due to close the following year. He had been totally
devastated by his loss of Margaret and he was unable to cope. He tried
(no! He was too much of a coward!) to commit suicide, became an
alcoholic and a bit of a recluse. A musician friend helped him out of
his gutter of despair, by getting him to do pup gigs with him and this
did help a bit he recalled for playing music has always been a great
release.
By the mid eighties he had a job, a small house and was about to get
married. He had met a divorcee and found that they had similar
interests, however he knew in his heart that there was never going to
be a replacement for his Margaret. They had decided to move to fresh
pastures and by the summer of nineteen- ninety were managing a
narrow-boat hire fleet in the West Midlands.
His mother died in the mid nineteen-ninety's leaving them the not
inconsiderable family fortune. A move was made from the small cottage
that they had renovated over a period of years, into an old water mill
that had a large established garden. They had spent a couple of years
sorting out the house and gardens, and it was their intention to retire
on his wife's fiftieth birthday and enjoy their lovely house and
gardens to the full.
As with all the best laid plans of mice and men, fate intervened, and
on September the eleventh nineteen ninety-eight his wife of twelve
years died suddenly from a brain haemorrhage.
Three years down the line he recalled the shock of this happening.
There had not been the crushing, devastating loss he had felt when his
beloved Margaret had gone, just a sort of numbness. He had to admit to
himself that he had never loved his late wife anywhere near the way he
had Margaret, and this realisation came almost harder than the actual
physical loss of someone, to whom he had been quite close for a number
of years.
These days there is a lot of time for reflection and though his
attitude in generally positive, he cannot help looking back and
wondering how it would have all panned out if he had taken one of the
other directions that had been offered during the past fifty-five
years!

The End.