Not what she’d planned (IP)

By Rhiannonw

Tue, 28 Jan 2014
  • 3831 reads
16 comments
 

Walking, walking,
emotions numb,
hopes dashed,
plans crashed,
no heart for talking,
tongue frozen, dumb.

She’d all her life
awaited motherhood,
and now, a happy wife
assumed that soon she would
find such fulfilment,
vocation, joy, commitment –
aware of all the care and grind,
the labour she would have to bear,
the patience, perseverence find;

but now, no more,
heart cold and raw.
___________

Her wandering mind remembered
the hurt, the ache,
the dreams and planning sundered:
so many years ago –
another person surely,
but memories real, not fake,
and on her mental screen
their drifted scene on scene
of following life, some bitter, many sweet,
the places she and Ned had been,
the slight support that she had given
in situations varied, the ability to meet
somehow some problem, poignant need,
and none of which could have been done
if she had not been freed
from that desired role.

It was not she had turned
that disappointment round,
or different fields of service found,
but now she could thank God
for what had been denied,
because such unexpected avenues
had life-long been supplied.

[IP: Turning a negative into a positive]

 

Certificate U
Poem
Families
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by Bee on

I like the way this moves from sadness - subtly into the positive. There is an easy flow of words, too.

Lovely poem, Rhiannon. 

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Bee, glad you found it so.
Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

There is a true feeling to this. Believable and good          Elsie

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Yes, I did feel very involved with this, Elsie, and I'm glad it came over believable and well.
Rhiannon

 

Submitted by prettyrose on

smiley Hi Rhiannonw. I hope your well.

 

Yes I agree with Bee&others, really good and such a detailed poem. well done&good luck with IP.

 

Take care

smiley Keep Smiling

Keep Writing xxx

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you Pretty Rose. I'm glad you got something out of it and felt it read well.
warm regards, Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Cow Paddy on

There is a constant of something missing or vacant throughout your verse and then the simple verb 'had' answers all in your last line. The flow of your story has a smooth cadence.

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

I was trying to build up in the second part to show how now the real emptiness was so much in the past that she could hardly remember how hard it had been, so  much had been given to fill her life. I'm glad you found it clear by the end, and felt it flowed well. Thank you, - are you new here?
regards, Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Linda Wigzell Cress on

A lovely heartfelt poem with an uplifting conclusion.  A really good take on the IP Rhiannon, I enjoyed this and have read it several times now.

Linda

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you very much for telling me, Linda, and glad you got something out of it. regards, Rhiannon

 

Submitted by VeraClark on

Yes, this one creeps up on you and shape shifts. It's good and it shimmers with hope.

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you for such a lovely comment, Vera. regards, Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Denzella on

Hello Rhiannon,

You have interpreted my suggested IP in such a clever and subtle way.  I really enjoyed what you done with it. 

Moya
 

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Moya. Rhiannon
 

 

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Rhiannon

A poignant personal story of loss of one's identity.

I have just signed up for the Tomorrow Study - which is doing a five year research study to test a drug to see if it can prevent alzheimers. the drug they use is a dilute form of a diabetes drug.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Jean. I hope it came over how she had found a new identity, many unexpected fulfilments.

I must look up about that study. So you are doing a service in a way by trying it out, I presume, and you're not likely to feel anything from taking it. As I said, must read up about it. Rhiannon