Death of a Salesman

This very afternoon, in the majestic shadow of Cinderella's Castle, Mickey Mouse, the symbol of corporate America and probably its only citizen more famous than Monika Lewinsky, was shot dead.
Details at present are very scarce; what is known is that, at precisely 3.07 pm, a single shot was fired at the lead float in the Magic Kingdom Parade, hitting our smiling hero squarely in the chest.
Despite the best efforts of a veterinary surgeon on vacation from Kentucky, and the entire Disney medical team, Mr Mouse, 72, was pronounced dead on arrival at the adjacent Animal Kingdom Hospital. It is believed that an as-yet-unnamed female mouse is helping police with their enquiries.
So far, the Disney Corporation have not made any Official Statement; rumour and counter-rumour, therefore, abound. Several eyewitnesses have spoken of a shadowy figure rising from behind a grassy knoll and running off towards a "Cast Members Only" exit.
One reliable source has related how Mickey had recently complained of his "constant hounding by a paparazzi of stupid limey tourists", and the compromising of his creative integrity. This would lend credence to the theory that the shooting was, in fact, a tragic suicide.
Another, more sinister rumour centres around the reported desire of Disney Chief Executives to increase their commercial profile even further. And everyone knows the effect a death can have on the sales of merchandise bearing that person's image.
To this end, it is noted tonight that not a single one of those stupid hats with mouse ears on remains unsold. And there is already a growing
feeling among grieving Americans that the Magic Kingdom should be re-named the Mickey Mouse Memorial Park.
TV stations around the country were quick to respond to the event; most are carrying a rolling news service with continuous live broadcasts from the scene. W.A.N.K. in Redneckville, Texas, was the first to switch to 24-hour Disney cartoons as a mark of respect.
Once again, the Disney Reich proves itself as the greatest embodiment of the American Dream; a shining facade, rotten to the core, and defending your right to bear arms.