Dare myself to sleep.

Dare myself to sleep.
sneak

Yesterday.

And whenever I closed my eyes I could feel the branding of your image
scorching itself onto my retinas. My eyelids, like shutters, would rise
and fall as if hoping to steal another glance of your seductive smile.
A flash-gun smile that illuminated the darkest corners of my attic
mind. I was there in every frame, lurking like death on a sunny
afternoon. I was staring at you and thinking 'Oh my God, she's so
perfect' I saved your beauty to my filthy imagination for future
reference. Time and chemicals, however, would only serve to blur the
once sharp images that had served my perversions for so many
years.

Today.

And now at last, as lifelines cut sways through our palms and memories
play destructive tricks on our minds, at last I have you at hand. Bound
by my heartstrings to an old creaking chair. I remove the gag that
hides your full red lips and request a smile. A chemical smile,
still-born of spiked drinks and nervous caress. Yet still you
illuminate my drab existence. Whirring motors and harsh white lights
attack the space around you. I am all too aware that the final prints
will prove only your contempt and loathing towards me.

Tomorrow.

I will close my eyes fleetingly, only to be confronted by the ugliness
of my depraved act. Rigor mortise will hold you statuesque in the final
grip of a grotesque death-throw. I will turn out the lights and, face
to face with the ensuing night, I will dare myself to sleep.