Cat
By succubus
- 655 reads
Cat.
There's a difference between cats and dogs. Beyond the obvious one that
cats say 'meow' and dogs say 'woof'. A cat isn't really a pet, not in
the same way a dog is. A dog is a faithful and adoring servant who
fetches newspapers and slippers and occasionally wees on the floor. A
cat is more like a roommate who tolerates human company because they
have opposable thumbs and are able to open cans of tuna. And if a cat
wees on the floor it makes sure it does it in a secret place that
you'll never find but will smell for weeks. Let's face it dogs are
shallow and stupid. All you have to do to get a dog to love you is give
it food. You have to work hard to gain a cat's affection. A bowl of
food can elicit a purr. But more probably a look that says, "you expect
me to eat THIS?". Give a bowl of food to a dog and it looks at you with
'I love you' in its eyes. Even if you do everything right by a cat and
it seems to quite like you, you'll never get that look. More of a
'you're alright I suppose' look. And that look only comes as long as
you're not sitting its favourite chair. Which you invariably will be.
Wherever you sit you can be sure that the cat will sit staring at you
because you dared to sit in the only place in the entire house where
they wanted to be. And unless you're a masochist you'll move. All cat
owners know that the step after 'staring' is 'moving to be in a place
that blocks the TV'. And the step after that is 'sitting on human's lap
and embedding claws into flesh'.
Maybe I spend too much time with my cats, but I find their expressions
so readable and varied. A dog's only expression seems to be 'duh?'.
Admittedly most cat expressions seem be translate to 'stupid human'.
But at least they can express other emotions. And instil fear. The cat
stare could be an effective burglar alarm. The experienced cat can
stare at you and make you believe that at any moment it will leap
forward and rip out your heart. The stare seems to say 'let's all
remember that I come from the same family as the king of the jungle and
you come from the same family as baboons'. You don't see baboons
arguing with lions and it's probably unwise for a human to argue with a
cat. One of my cats, an expert in the field of staring, used to sit in
the gateway of the flats we lived in and stop cars with her stare. Even
those who were not especially fond of cats were forced to wait for her
to move rather than risk a game of chicken. The cat would have won. The
stare said it all. Ignore a cat stare at your peril. Witches have cats
as their familiars. You think that's a coincidence? No, cats have the
devil in them.
Cats rule the roost; it will always be that way. Mainly because they
have teeth and claws and have no qualms about using them. Some people
can walk into a room like they own the room and the other people in it
tend to believe the attitude. All cats can do that. Only a cat would
have the nerve to walk into a stranger's house and stay forever. How
many cat owners do you know who say 'she just walked in and adopted
us'? Many more than dog owners with the same claim, I'll bet. Cats can
manipulate their human companions with effortless ease. That silent
meow, the Stare, the big pleading eyes. They're scheming little
creatures. They somehow got someone to invent the cat flap for goodness
sake. Do you see dog flaps? Not often. Dogs get dragged to the park on
the ends of leads. There are some cats who tolerate this behaviour, but
they're usually the pedigrees who have had their feline instincts
dulled by years of inbreeding. A good, honest mongrel cat would, I'm
certain, scratch your eyes out if you tried to put a lead on it. I only
hope cats never develop a desire to take over the world. I think we can
consider ourselves extremely lucky that the main aims of the average
cat are sleeping and eating. Their natural instincts would make them
unbeatable. Stealth mode; developed by years of creeping up behind
doors to leap out on the resident humans or the family dog (we're
always taught that it's bad to prey on dumb animals. Cats seem to have
no such ethic). For psychological warfare, two cats can make themselves
sound like a vast army (have you ever heard two cats fighting? If you
haven't, pray you never do. It's the sound of world war three). All
this in addition to the teeth and claws already discussed. Death by
cat. We'd have no chance. Run for the hills. Or Alaska. No cat would be
interested in such a cold place.
Despite all that, I love cats. For all their maddening habits and aloof
attitude they have a kind of honest affection for those who care for
them. They can't be bought like dogs can. I'm fairly certain that when
I grow to be elderly and slightly demented I'll end up with dozens of
cats, call them all Norman and be labelled 'Crazy Cat Lady' by the
local kids. But I don't care. Cats are my favourite companions. You
don't have to throw sticks for them either. Well, you could throw it
but I imagine the cat in question would saunter off in the opposite
direction looking for a warm place to sleep.
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