Ghost Of The Past

Ghosts Of The Past

A 3D poem by The Collaborators (AKA Steve Ralph, Ann Dawson and Andy
Harding)

This is our longest work. We've toiled for weeks on this. If you have
the time, sit in front of your PC, grab a drink and read on &;#8230;
It may take some time but we think it's worth it &;#8230; A big
thank you to all who read it through to the end ... Here is ... GHOSTS
OF THE PAST &;#8230;

Part 1 - History (Reminiscence And Wonderings)

A Woman

Will this pain ever go away?
That burns so deep inside,
All that's left is a memory,
And the tears that I have cried.

It was so many years ago,
As a young girl I had spent,
One lover's night of passion,
When into his arms I went.

It was the eve of his leaving,
To go so far away,
Never more to see him,
And here was I to stay.

But soon it was that I found,
His seed I carried deep within,
A babe was growing inside of me,
I was taught it was a sin.

My parents, shocked, sent me away,
Till my babe was born,
Scandal was not accepted,
And was treated with such scorn.

With a son I was blessed,
But the moment that he arrived,
They took him from me, straight away,
And of him I was deprived.

I only had a brief glimpse,
As they carried him away,
I'll always remember that little babe,
Until my dying day.

Several years had passed on by,
Before I was allowed to return,
To my village, where I belonged,
My living, there, to earn.

My parents then getting older,
Both ageing and infirm,
Unable to care for themselves,
My duty would be long term.

The years crept on and never once,
Was I allowed to mention,
the reason for my going away.
This was their sole intention.

Even to their dying day,
To them, my babe, did not exist,
But they'll never know how in my heart
How much he's sorely missed.

The father of my sweet babe,
I've never seen again,
Since the day he went away,
And filled my heart with pain.

But I am here, now on my own,
Since my parents passed away,
And I just carry on with life,
With every passing day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Boy

I learned today my life's a lie,
My name is not my own,
Adopted as a baby child,
Unwanted by my home,

Now they say I have the right,
To know where I come from,
To contact those who let me go,
As soon as I was born,

Since finding out, I don't know why,
But I can't control my moods,
I wonder what was wrong with me,
I feel angry and confused,

I want to find my flesh and blood,
I must know that they're real,
If my adopted parents were alive,
I wonder how they'd feel.

They kept me safe, and gave me love,
They shared with me their name,
I loved them more than I can say,
But I cannot explain,

The need I have to search and find,
The ones that gave me life,
Was I just a one-night stand,
for some unfaithful wife?

Or did they want to keep me,
But circumstance would not allow?
Some hardship they were burdened with,
That they are free from now.

My adoptive parents passed away,
Last year and now I find,
The family I might have had,
Are always on my mind,

That's why I've used the rights they say.
I have to track them down,
I've found my natural mothers name,
Her address and her hometown,

And I'm standing here outside her door,
Afraid to ring the bell,
Suppose she doesn't want to know,
And tells me to go to hell.

But if I leave, just walk away,
I never will be sure,
For the answers that I need so much,
Wait just behind that door,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Man

I've lived my life in total bliss
Traveling all around
Managing to keep myself
To a marriage 'bound'

All the women in the past
I've loved them one and all
Looking back on my whole life
Regrets - I can't recall

My life exploded when I left
Leaving my small town
The farewell that 'my girl' gave me
Left me with a frown

I sometimes wonder where she is
Probably married with kids
Settled into life's routine
With dreams of The Pyramids

But she was just the first one
So many followed her
Many places - Many girls
How many? I'm not sure.

Now it's time to live onshore
My back turned to the sea
Contemplating who I am
Just who I want to be.

Should I return to my Hometown?
Or find a new place to begin
I have a real good feeling
My luck is coming in &;#8230;

This life is up to me now
I have no emotional ties
That life I lived - Behind me,
In front - My future lies.

The first thing I must settle
Is where I should reside.
A world of choice surrounds me
It's how I feel inside.

Maybe I should go home first
Go and see what's there
If things don't work - I'll move on
Try my luck elsewhere

So off I go - To where I left
So many years ago
First find a place to lay my head
The rest will surely follow.

Part 2 - The Reckoning (Past Meets Present)

A Woman

Another day begins for me,
Still trying to sort this house,
I have to leave and move on in life,
No more living like a mouse.

There's nothing left for me here,
My duty, now is done,
I have to make a life of my own,
Before my time is gone.

Sifting through the pictures,
The relics and the dust,
So little here to show for a life,
Which upon me hard, was thrust.

Engrossed here in my labors,
A knock sounded at my door,
I, cursing the interruption,
Slowly, got up from the floor.

No visitors, was I expecting,
For here, no one calls,
My curiosity was aroused,
As I approached, along the hall.

At the door, a young man stood,
A lad unknown to me,
He stood and looked me up and down,
Quite disconcertingly.

He stood, proud upon my doorstep,
His lips spoke not a word,
His eyes looked deep into my soul,
A situation quite absurd.

His voice was soft and gentle,
There was something I recognized,
Lurking there within the depths
Of his wonderful brown eyes.

He seemed as if uncertain,
And as if he would turn and go,
Then an inner strength took over him,
And his words began to flow.

The words he spoke entered to my head,
And exploded in my brain,
I couldn't believe what I did hear,
My being filled again with pain.

Darkness then came over me,
And as I sunk down to the floor,
Gentle arms surrounded me,
Carried me back through the door.

My eyes opened, to see my own true son,
Gently leaning over where I lay.
A face, which I had recognized,
That of my lover, long gone away.

Recovering slightly from the shock,
That my son had sought me out,
Wanting to find his beginnings,
And what his life was all about.

He told me of his life so far,
From that of a tiny babe,
Brought up in a life quite good,
And of the life he'd made.

The shock, which then had come to him,
Finding his life was all a lie,
That he was not the son he thought,
Of all those years gone by.

He told me of his searching,
To find out the real truth,
Of why he'd been abandoned,
as a babe, to now a youth.

We spent many hours together,
Talking and telling of our lives,
How circumstances had determined,
How we had both survived.

A bond was there between us.
We both felt it straight away,
The love I felt for my own sweet child,
Had never gone astray.

Talk then turned, of his father,
Of how it should have been,
That he and I weren't together,
And his baby had never seen.

I explained the situation,
That since that very day,
He hadn't known of the chance,
That his son was on the way.

I told him of the love we'd had,
As a young girl and boy,
Of how we had been together,
Of our happiness and joy.

And of the day he'd had to leave,
To join his ship and go,
We, no longer having contact,
Since that time, so long ago.

I had no way of knowing,
The whereabouts of his Dad,
The young man of years gone by,
The lover, which I once had.

For my own son's sake we had to try,
To find out the truth for him,
He had the right to know both of us.
Anything else would be a sin.

So it was up to me now,
To find some link or clue,
To lead him to his father,
And nothing else would do.

I knew he'd leave no stone unturned,
to search everywhere he can,
To find the Father he should have had,
Before he becomes a man.

Doubts then overcame me,
Am I doing things right?
What if he doesn't want to know his son?
And turns, and then takes flight.

What harm will this then cause my son?
Such heartache and such pain,
To go through life, not knowing,
Of his father once again.

To be spurned without a chance.
To his father, it would be a shock.
To find he has a family,
When he returns to dock.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Boy

Upon the step I stood so long,
I almost turned and ran,
But something deep inside me said,
I had to be a man.

Then as my courage left me,
And I couldn't wait no more,
I saw a woman standing,
Almost pensive at the door,

Could this be my mother?
Oh God! What do I say?
I asked if she had ever heard,
Of a woman called Helen Jay

She answered almost instant,
'That's me, who wants to know?'
I stared, but couldn't speak,
It seemed the words stuck in my throat,

Tears welled in my hazel eyes,
But I couldn't make a sound,
'I'm your son' I blurted out,
And she just sank down to the ground,

Almost as though I'd hit,
She fell into the hall,
Instinctively I caught her head,
As she began to fall.

With her cradled in my shaking arms,
My heart beat at such a pace.
After all this time of searching,
Could this be my mothers face?

This face so warm and friendly,
With the warm and welcome smile.
Could this have been the woman?
That gave away her child?

Her name, her age, all seemed to fit,
Was my search really done?
Why else would she have fainted?
When I said I was her son.

I had to know, I had to know,
The suspense cut like a knife,
Here in my arms this woman lay,
With the answers to my life.

I stroked her hair and brushed her cheek,
Then slowly she awoke,
She lay there staring up at me,
And finally she spoke.

A soft and gentle voice she had,
That shook with disbelief,
Almost as if she couldn't believe,
That it was really me.

A ghost, almost a specter,
I had loomed out of her past,
A reminder of a night of love,
She knew could never last.

At last, when she recovered,
She took me to the lounge,
Offered me a cup of tea,
And asked me to sit down.

She told me of her rendezvous,
In a ripened field of corn,
How her sailor boy had gone to sea,
Never knowing that I'd be born,

They were just two teenage lovers.
But her family was so strict,
Forbade her to keep her bastard child,
Spawned in a farmers ditch,

Her hands shook as she told me,
Tears trickled down her face,
How she'd screamed and cried to keep me,
As they'd taken me away.

But times were harsh and often cruel,
She could not survive alone,
So bowing to her parents rules,
She put me in a home.

I told her I'd been fortunate,
And not stayed at the home,
A couple had adopted me,
And took me for there own.

They kept me safe and happy,
And called me Fredrick Mears,
I didn't know I was adopted,
Until they passed away last year.

That's when my life turned upside down,
I had no family,
Then from out the blue a letter came,
From the adoption Agency.

That said I was adopted,
And giving some clues to trace,
For the only thing they knew for sure,
My mother's name was Helen Jay.

Now here I sat at mother's side,
With both of us in tears,
As she spoke about my father,
The man she hadn't seen in years.

She knew I had to find him,
And she offered me her help,
She knew that I'd have little chance,
Of finding him myself.

It seemed to be a daunting task,
Almost a mammoth feat
But I had to find my Father,
To make my search complete.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Man

Long had I wandered
Now I am home
Somewhere to anchor
No more to roam

I've rented some digs
'Till I put down some roots
Found me a job
Training security recruits

I now do my shopping
It's a weekly routine
There's regular people
Most go unseen.

Some faces familiar
Memories of my youth
Maybe just say "Hi"
That's not too uncouth.

They may not know me
I maybe mistook
Before I speak
I take a close look

I'm sure I've seen girlfriends
Whom, I recognize.
But probably married
Not wanting surprise

Since I've been back
No old friends I've found
I wonder if any
Are still living around

Down at the Local
I've made a few friends
Though I am worried
What are their ends?

Work-life is fine
I get along well
But most of them married
Their life they do tell

I tell those who listen
My tales of abroad
Humbly recounting
So I'm not outlawed.

No girlfriend yet found
But that's a nice change
There are one or two
That I've got in my range.

There's one when I'm shopping
She looks likes an ex.
Looks sad, lost and lonely
And very complex.

Of course there's the Barmaid
All brassy and bright
But she's got a job
Working all night.

There are some girls in the office
Who don't seem that bright.
But look very nice
In their skirts, short and tight.

But the one I see shopping
Could it be she?
The one that I slept with
When I left for sea?

Maybe I should approach her
And start talking away
Then listen carefully
to what she does say.

Then maybe I'll guess
If she was the one
With whom I made love
till the rising sun.

If, though, I'm wrong
I'll surely look stupid
And spoil any chance
of stirring up cupid.

Perhaps think it over
Just what to do
No point in rushing
She hasn't a clue.

Perhaps she's a stranger
That I've never met.
Thinking about it
That's better yet.

Next time I see her
I'll give her a smile
If she returns it
Maybe turn on the style.

But that's for the next time
If she's there again.
But last time I saw her
She looked under strain.

I wonder what's up
In her mixed up life.
Do I want to go there?
Maybe she's a wife?

I'll consider my actions
Nearer the time.
Not wanting to act
Quite out of line.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 3 - Back To The Future

A Woman

My World has turned around so fast,
My mind filled with thoughts so wild,
My son who so long lost to me,
Returns a man and not a child.

Some days we spent just talking,
Revealing how our lives were cast.
Whilst he helped me sort this house,
Searching through relics of the past.

I had little there to show him,
To help him with his search,
To find the father he should have,
And to help with his research.

One 'love letter' from the past,
And a picture small and faded,
Was all that I could offer him.
His spirit seemed quite jaded.

The figure, smiling, in his uniform,
Brought back such memories,
I looked a moment upon the face,
That had meant so much to me.

He's sitting straight and at a jaunt,
His cap perched atop his head,
The ship's name there upon it,
The words could just be read.

I wondered at the chances,
After all this time gone past,
For my son to seek and find his dad,
And find peace of mind at last.

Turmoil in my mind was mounting,
How would his father then react?
To suddenly be confronted,
with this news, of such impact.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Boy

What a change my life has made,
And much to my surprise,
My mother almost dotes on me,
Like I'm the apple of her eye,

Introducing me to all her friends,
And showing me around,
Insisting that I live with her,
there in her own hometown,

The truth be known I wanted to,
I was hoping that she'd ask,
We sit and talk each evening,
about our future and our past,

She told me all she had to tell,
About the man I sought,
But emphasizing all the time,
That it was not his fault,

The way she speaks about him,
Perhaps, it's just in my mind,
But I feel that she stills loves him,
Even after all this time,

What a man he must have been.
When their young love began,
For her to love him all these years.
I have to meet this man.

She found a faded photograph,
That she'd hidden long ago,
Knowing that her parents,
Would destroy it if they'd known,

I took it from her fingertips,
It was tattered now with age,
Tears streamed down my cheeks,
As I gazed at my fathers face,

How much I need to meet him,
I could not explain,
And mother made it obvious,
She'd like to see him once again,

But how were we going to find him,
After sixteen years had flown,
How could I say I was the son,
That he had never known,

What kind of a reception,
Could I anticipate,
I wondered if I'd left my search,
sixteen years too late,

But then mother had an idea,
'He's in the navy, they must know,
They must keep some kind of record,
Of where their sailors go,'

'Even if he's left the navy,
they must have his last address,
Well find him son, don't worry,
Come on, don't look so depressed.'

Well we knew the ship he sailed in,
it was the H.M.S Accord,
but they said he left the navy,
just two months before we called.

And the last address he gave them,
they're not at liberty to tell,
that information's classified.
They're so sorry they couldn't help,

It seemed my search was pointless,
There's no way I could succeed,
I told mother late that evening,
It's a miracle we need,

It's like looking for a raindrop,
While a storm is in the air,
Convinced I'd never find him.
He could be living anywhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 4 - Fate Plays A Hand

A Woman

Two months now have passed on by,
Since my son arrived at my door,
I can't describe the joy he brings,
I seem to need him more and more.

I rely upon his company,
When he returns home at night,
All day he searches for his Dad,
And doing what he thinks right.

I still feel very troubled,
To the outcome of his pursuit,
Will his Dad then embrace
A new turn, in his life's route?

With another weekend approaching,
Off I set once more,
To do my weekly shopping,
at the local superstore.

My troubled mind so deep in thought,
Problems reaching for a jar,
Cursing that they stacked them high,
When an arm reached from afar.

It handed me the item,
I turned to thank him for his deed,
The face I saw there before me,
Made all my other thoughts recede.

I felt the blood drain from my cheeks,
My head began to whirl,
This man stood here before me,
I'd not seen since I was a girl.

A face so well known to me,
One burned into my mind,
Worn and tanned, yet older,
that face with eyes so kind.

Words just stuck there in my throat,
I couldn't believe that he was here,
My lover from many years ago,
Long held in my heart, so dear.

I stuttered and I stammered,
Not knowing what to say,
I didn't want to mention things,
Which would frighten him away.

So many mixed emotions,
Went racing through my head.
I, slightly regaining my composure,
Greeted him by name instead.

He seemed to recognize my shock,
And suggesting we took a break,
From here, to go and have a chat
Over a coffee and piece of cake.

I felt relief at his suggestion,
And agreed quite readily,
Needing so much to sit down,
Before my legs gave way on me.

Collecting my thoughts, and filling in
With small talk, I suppose.
I knew my news, eventually
Would soon have to be disclosed.

Picking upon a moment,
And taking a good deep breath.
I looked him in the eye and started.
His face, took on the mask of death.

The words I'd planned to say to him,
Seemed to mix up as I spoke,
Tears then rolled on down my cheeks,
I told how my heart was broke.

I told of how, when he left me,
That I quickly was to discover,
That from our night of passion,
I would soon become a mother.

I blurted out the torment,
my parents had put my way.
And how it had continued,
then, to their dying day.

All this time, he sat there stunned,
Trying to take in what I spoke,
Barely a word passed through his lips,
But he knew it was no joke.

I carried on, telling all there was,
The words just seemed to tumble out,
Of how our son turned up one day,
trying to find what his life's about.

He sat there in shocked silence,
his face quite ashen and white.
I looked at him, I was so afraid,
He'd get up and then take flight.

I raised my head and looked at him,
my fear so plain to see.
Then he asked the number of my phone,
So he could contact me.

Bewildered and frightened, I gave it,
There was nothing more I could do.
I could only pray that he would call,
And want meet his son, so new.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Man

I'm shopping in the usual place
There she is again
I watch for a little while
She looks quite under strain

Reaching up for an item
She having trouble there
Now's my chance to engage her
If I really dare

I move up to her quickly
Offer her my help
Passing her the object
I know the cards are dealt

Her eyes meet mine and pause
Then she seems to freeze
Is it something that I've done - I think?
She looks so ill at ease

She suddenly says thank you
But uses my old name
Can she be who I think it is
my last hometown old flame?

As we start talking
Her words turn gibberish
Now at least I know
She was that innocent Miss

I ask her to join me for coffee
To listen to her tale
As her story unfolds
It's me that's turning pale

It seems that in youth's passion
A new life did create
Potent seeds of fusion
Her monthly cycle late

Spurned by her own family
Who treated her real bad
Carrying my offspring
They considered me a cad.

She bore a son, which she gave up
But now had found her home
This currently was happening.
That chilled me to the bone.

It seems that this alignment
Was strange to all who knew
As I come home from traveling
The past begins anew.

My son had come for 'Mummy'
As I returned to my past
It seems that Karma takes its toll
Now the die was cast.

Upon these revelations
Much I had to think
Sitting there with coffee
I felt like stronger drink

Rather than upset her
She'd been through too much strain
I listen and considered
Her tears disclosed her pain

The only way to deal with this
Was to contemplate alone
So I took her home phone number
I promised her I'd phone

We bid a measured farewell
A lot had come to pass.
My immediate reaction was
I really felt an ass.

Seems she'd never married
Looked after her folks
Whilst I lived the high life
Messing around on boats.

My son he wanted to see me
A father he never knew
My mind was in a muddle
Really in a stew.

I had a chance to start gain
My girl and long lost son
A chance to put it all to rights
For what I'd already done.

But did I really want this
I'm happy as can be
For all the torment in my head
I cannot really see

Sitting on my sofa
Not watching my TV
Images running through my head
What will my actions be?

I know she loves me dearly
My heartstrings I felt go
Deep inside I know this time
My love for her I'll show.

I'll phone in the evening
Tell her - We'll start afresh
Make up for the troubles
Help her with her stress.

Try to get to know my son
My heir whom I know not
This is like a time warp
A land that was forgot

I need to settle down some
This seems for the best
If it doesn't work out
Then this is a good test

I'm feeling kind of cheerful
My instant family
Hoping that this story
Will all end happily.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Boy

Mothers home from shopping,
I didn't go this time,
I must admit that shopping,
Is not the greatest love of mine.

And I think my mother knew it,
For she told me to stay home,
Saying after our enquiries
'You never know some one might phone,'

Of course nobody did call,
My search had been in vain,
But I try to smile for mother,
I don't want her hurt again,

As she enters with the shopping,
I go to lend a hand,
But she's calling me, excitedly,
Why, I don't understand,

She said 'I saw him, son, I saw him,'
'Down at the local shop,'
I try to get a word in,
But it's like she will never stop,

Who did you see? I asked her,
Slow down and take a breath,
If you don't stop and breathe a while,
You'll suffocate to death,

She stopped, got her composure,
Spoke slowly so I'd hear,
She said 'I saw your father'
I could not believe my ears,

'You saw&;#8230; you saw my father,'
I stammered in reply,
Her words just would not sink in,
No matter how I tried,

She placed her hands upon my cheeks,
As tears began to fall,
She said 'it's true I swear son,
It was like a miracle,'

I was buying milk and biscuits,
And he was standing in the aisle,
I couldn't believe that it was him,
At least not for a while,

But then he came up to me,
And asked me how I'd been'
She said at first she stood there,
Thinking it must be a dream,

'He hasn't changed at all' she said,
'He's still a tall and handsome man,'
She cried as much as I did,
As I took her trembling hands,

Well he'd arranged to phone that evening,
And we waited for his call,
Mother sitting by the phone,
As I paced up and down the hall,

We knew that it was coming,
But it still came as a surprise,
As they arranged to meet that evening,
I saw the love-light in her eyes,

Excitedly she then prepares,
To meet him at his flat,
Her best perfume and makeup,
A new suit of red and black,

So many times she asked me,
'Do I look ok?'
'Mother, you look beautiful,'
Was all that I could say,

While she was gone to meet him,
Time was standing still,
I feared he might reject me,
Not knowing how he'd feel,

Or perhaps he'd want to meet me,
After all he made the call,
Perhaps he'll marry mother,
And we'll be a family after all,

I laughed, I cried, I punched the air,
My emotions spun around,
The father that I'd hunted for,
By some miracle was found,

But would he want to know me,
As I paced across the floor,
Fear and panic gripped my heart,
As I heard mother at the door,

Now I was excited,
As I rushed into the hall,
To see my mother standing there,
With a smile that said it all,

We were going to be a family,
I was going to meet my dad,
I ran, I laughed, I hugged her,
She must have thought that I was mad,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PART 5 - A Bittersweet Conclusion

A Man

After thinking, I've made up my mind
A family we should be
Turn my back on my wanderings
Become a group of three.

With my girl and child with me
The vacuum of the past
Discussed with no repercussion
Our subjects will be vast.

Perhaps we'll make a foursome
At some future date
If she will be forgiving
Perhaps, life we'll create

I'll tell her of my feelings
To see how she reacts
Wondering what she will do
I hope she don't 'make tracks'

She wants to meet at my place
To talk and think in calm
So whatever is decided
Does not cause alarm

Today's the day for talking
I wonder what will transpire
My body feels so nervous
Yet I'm fuelled with fire

The doorbell rings, I let her in
We exchange pleasantries
I noticed she's made an effort
Trying her best to please

Our conversation goes well
It seems we will be three
Her joy is such - She hugs me tight
Could it end more happily?

She kisses me - It takes me back
Revealing her feelings true
I respond so naturally
And tell her "I love you"

That was all she needed
Seems our fate's complete
The past that seemed so murky
Is now looking neat

Our kisses turn to passion
Such loving, full of fire
Heart and minds and bodies
Shudder with desire

After our distractions
We lay in bed as one
We make our plans together
What to tell our son

Sealing our discussions
With another lingering kiss
Continuing our bonding
Nothing was amiss

A glance towards the bedroom clock
My love will soon leave me
To explain to our dear son
How the future will be

If it's what he truly wants
We will then meet up
Perhaps then to all live as one
Joy from lives messed up

It's getting late - I drive her home
I leave her to explain
The look of love upon her face
Must give away the game

I'm heading back to my place
Thinking of what has passed
Places that I've been to
Across the seas so vast

When I left my homeland
To seek my 'Holy Grail'
I think I had to leave here
Just so I could fail

Now I understand it
I needed to belong
Even if I'd stay at home
It may have yet gone wrong

I'm nearly home - I need the rest
Today's been quite a strain
Concentrate on driving now.
The sky drops down the rain.

A car cuts out in front of me
I apply my brakes
Skidding on the slippery road
My tires are like skates

Careering for a metal fence
My vehicle's lost control
I hit the curb &;#8230; my vehicle flips
It then begins to roll &;#8230;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Boy

We'd spent the evening happily,
Oh what a glorious day,
Mother said it would be strange at first,
Not be known as Helen Jay,

You know after they are married,
She'll be known as Mrs. Styles,
She said that has a certain ring to it,
Her face all-full of smiles,

We made plans for the future,
Would we live here or at the flat?
We'll have to buy a boat I said,
I think dad would go for that,

Him having been a sailor,
He could teach me about boats,
We talked into the early hours,
Then my tiredness began to show,

I told mother I was tired,
She just smiled and kissed my head,
She said 'ok then Frankie,
You get yourself to bed,'

I've a couple of things to finish,
And I'll be heading that way two,
Then said 'I've never been so happy son,
As I am since I've had you,'

I put my arms around her,
And held her very tight,
Saying how much I love her,
Before I said goodnight,

She told me that she loved me too,
And told me to sleep tight,
The phone rang and she wondered,
Who would ring this time of night?

She lifted the receiver,
Just as I left the room,
It had to be my father,
That's what mother had assumed,

And that's the last I thought of it,
Until I heard her scream,
And ran back into the living room,
To see my mother on her knees,

As she fainted to the carpet,
I took the phone out of her hand,
And listened to the sympathetic,
Voice of some young man,

He thought that he was speaking,
To Martin Styles wife,
When he spoke about the accident,
That no one had survived,

They'd got our number from his wallet,
Helen Styles was wrote above,
He'd drawn flowers and a flying heart,
To signify his love,

Then he told how in the pouring rain,
the car had lost control,
And hit a metal safety fence,
That caused the car to roll,

I listened but in silence,
Almost numb from disbelief,
How could fate have been so cruel?
And given us this grief,

To lose my dad, then find him,
Just to lose him once again,
I couldn't believe that it was happening,
I had to have some one to blame,

I screamed that he's a liar,
He's not dead; it's a mistake,
Why can't you people learn the facts?
Before you ring for heavens sake,

He can't be dead! He can't be!
We haven't even met,
The tears streamed down my face,
Until my shirt was soaking wet,

I shouted threats and insults,
Using a torrent of abuse,
Threatened him with violence,
Using words I never use,

His soft voice never faltered,
As he urged me to be strong,
For the sake of my poor mother,
And I begged him to be wrong,

He kept saying he was sorry,
He sounded close to tears,
My body shook from crying,
As the receiver left my ear,

I don't think I really believed it,
Until the funeral was set,
We filed past his casket,
Just to pay our last respects,

That is when it hit me,
There could be no mistake,
My tears fell down like waterfalls,
As I gazed into his face,

This face so pale yet peaceful,
In a box of antique pine,
I whispered "hello father",
And then I kissed my dad good-bye,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Woman

My son couldn't believe his ears,
When to him, I then explained,
By chance his Dad and I had met
In the local supermarket lanes.

I told him of our conversation,
the news of his dad to him impart,
and I now was waiting for his call.
Hoping it'd come, with all my heart.

The phone rang out that evening,
very soon after we'd met that day
scared what the answer would be,
Lifting the phone, I began to pray.

It seems my prayers were answered,
Inviting me to his home,
His voice was calm and gentle,
Suggesting, there we could talk alone.

Arriving at his door as appointed,
I had tried to look at my best,
Dressing nicely for this occasion,
Fate would have to do the rest.

Fate certainly smiled upon us,
as we re-affirmed our past emotion,
He seemed just as keen as I was,
to display such deep devotion.

Quite happily we then decided,
that together we should be,
with our son, we are hoping
now to be a complete family.

I told him how much I loved him,
and he took me into his arms,
he replied that he loved me too,
I, again, captured by his charms.

Our night of passion re-enacted,
coupled together as one, we lay,
with passion and love overwhelming,
we knew our love was here to stay.

Such gentleness and caring,
that we now shared as one,
my happiness was complete,
and could never be undone.

Time came for me to leave,
to our son, I had to return,
Back at home he was waiting,
the news, so eager, now to learn.

Overjoyed at what had transpired,
but he, also, a little scared,
knowing he was to meet his Dad,
and he had to be prepared.

As he went off to his room,
his joy was plain to see,
At last he was meet his Dad,
to complete his family.

Tranquillity then overtook me,
I sat down on the couch, to reflect,
upon the events of this night,
and of a future we could expect.

My eyes were suddenly opened,
by the loud ringing of the phone,
Who could be calling at this hour?
No-one ever calls me at home.

Then it was I remembered...
there's only one person it could be,
my lover and future husband,
He must be calling me.

Happily, lifting the receiver,
and answering his call....
A voice spoke my name and started talking,
I didn't know the voice at all.

A coldness then washed over me,
in shock I listened to those words,
...a car crash..... total wreck...
......did not survive....
.....It was just absurd.

Someone then was screaming,
awful sobbing and mournful sounds,
A blackness then came over me,
the room spun round and round.

I awoke to see a tearstained face,
my son, peering down at me.
Ashen and grey, full of despair,
he was a dreadful sight to see.

My son had heard me screaming,
Seeing me pass out and fall,
the phone slipping from my hand,
he then took the call.

The following weeks were hell on earth
trying to adjust to the sorrow,
finding, then losing a family,
happiness and a lost tomorrow.

My devastated son, saw his Dad,
as there in the coffin, he lie,
This, his only chance to say hello,
and just as quickly to say Goodbye.

But, us and life had to carry on,
The days passed by one by one,
coming to terms with our great loss.
Future gone, before it had begun.

The days led on into weeks,
it seemed as time went by i felt ill,
Daily sickness plagued my being,
It seemed to be more than a chill.

A visit to the doctor was called for,
a check-up, he thoroughly gave,
tests and examinations all over,
the look on his face was quite grave.

Then his face crumpled to a grimace,
and his eye twinkled, just like no other,
I've something to tell you, Helen Jay,
'CONGRATULATIONS',
you are going to become a Mother.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The End????

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~