A is for Little Porkies (1)

This is only the first part of my story, because it is rather long.
I can provide the rest in instalments.

CHAPTER ONE

Uncle George, had always been something of an enigma to Joe and Holly.
They loved him dearly, but they had always been curious about him. He
was to be admired, revered even. He was a happy soul, generally. He
would titter away about this and that, sometimes squealing with delight
when he thought something was really funny. Once or twice, when he was
absolutely beside himself with laughter, and actual grunt (there was no
other way to describe it) .. yes, a snuffling crescendo of a grunt
would escape, which Gorky Porky, as they called him affectionately,
would try to disguise as a cough. At this point their uncle would clome
back to his senses, regain his usual composure, and recline once more
on the sofa, his legs stretched out sideways leaving no room for anyone
else to sit, apart from, that is a 'little one' such as Joe or his
little sister Holly. It was from this vantage point that Joe once
noticed how pink and smooth uncle George's legs were. He had never seen
his feet, they were always in socks, and he had never seen him in
shorts. Gorky was never one for holidays, and never seemed to go out
much, other than to work. However, just once, when uncle George was in
one of his squealing, grunting, coughing fits, he had lifted his legs
up off the sofa in a convulsion of hysteria, and Joe glimpsed his
uncle's bare pink leg, almost up to the knee! He shot a glance at
Holly. She had seen it too.
"Oooo ... Gorky Porky ... do you shave your legs too? ... Mummy does ..
she says.."
"That's enough, young lady..." her mother butted in, "you shouldn't say
such personal things to people."
"But Mummy, uncle Gorky's legs aren't like Daddy's, they're like yours,
all smooth and ..." Mummy raised her eyebrows and gave a look that
meant 'one more word and you're in big trouble'. Holly's voice trailed
off. She gave a furtive glance at her uncle, smiling weakly intending
to convey her apologies. Uncle George, embarrassed by this outburst,
composed himself, and glaring at Holly all the time, pulled his socks
right up, and his trouser legs firmly down. Further sight of the
hairless limbs was now absolutely out of the question.

Yes, Gorky Porky always wore trousers, and long-sleeved tops. Usually,
the sleeves were so long they almost covered his hands. When quizzed
about it once he explained that his sleeves went like that because he
had short arms.... and he was right ... he had!

Even if he hadn't been their uncle, Joe and Holly would have liked
Uncle George. He had a rounded, cuddly body, and a round smiley face.
His eyes were twinkly, his mouth was wide and always curved upwards at
the corners. Even when he was cross, which wasn't very often, he still
had a smile on his thin, wide lips. His nostrils were a little too
obvious for Joe's liking, but nevertheless, everything else about him
was pleasing, so Joe felt the nostrils could be overlooked.

In particular, there was a certain aroma, especially when he was warm.
Joe couldn't quite put his finger on what it reminded him of. He and
Holly had talked about it at length, along with all the other
peculiarities, but thye never reached any firm conclusion. Usually
their discussion would become sidetracked into ways of finding out
whether or not he wore a toupe .. they just couldn't be sure. His hair
was always the same, a mid-brown mop, that seemed to sit on top of his
head between his ears, curling forward onto his forehead, around his
ears and down the back of his head to just above the collar. It never
changed. It never seemed to grow, and there were no wispy grey bits. It
had become one of their private jokes, and although they pretended to
be desperate to know the truth, neither of them was prepared to take
the easy way out by simply asking uncle George if it was his own hair.
The uncertainty was more exciting than the truth. For this reason, they
felt a little disappointed when it dawned on them what the smell was
like. Bacon. One Sunday, Dad had thrown caution to the wind and decided
to have bacon sandwiches for tea instead of the usual jam, and that's
when it hit them. Bacon. Gorky Porky had a faint smell of cooking
bacon. It was a strange choice of deodorant, they thought, but never
mind. They rather liked it. Uncle George smelt appetizing. Strangely
though, he never noticed the smell himself. In fact, he hated bacon and
the smell of it too. He preferred
bananas. For every Sunday of his life he had banana sandwiches for tea.
He was a creature of habit. He enjoyed an ordered life. He was a
schoolteacher, and had reached the position of Headmaster of a small,
well ordered primary school. There too, he was well liked. The children
were always keen to please him. They worked hard during his lessons,
and in reward he told them wonderful stories. His favourite was his own
version of the Three Little Pigs, and he told it with such enthusiasm
and emotion, sometimes even with a tear in his eye, that the children
sat enthralled, and would listen to it time and again.

Uncle George, or Mr. Pygg as he was known in his professional capacity
(for that was his name), had yet another talent. Although he seemed
unaware of his own aroma, he actually had a very keen sense of smell.
Every day during assembly he would perform his party piece. A dozen
children would be chosen to receive badges or certificates for one
reason or another - getting all their spellings right, helping another
person, tidying up and so on. After the presentation, they would offer
their closed lunchboxes to Mr. Pygg. He would sniff thoughtfully around
the outside of the box, and then attempt to name its contents. For this
reason, the children brought all manner of unusual sandwiches to
school: sardine and orange; jam and gravy; sweetcorn and prunes ... all
to try and catch Mr. Pygg out. Yet somehow, his nose never let him
down! Unfortunately for the children they would have some rather nasty
lunches to eat, but Mr. Pygg was always prepared to help them out. He'd
eat anything - well, anything but ham or bacon, that is.

Yes, there was no doubt about it, Mr. Pygg, Joe and Holly's uncle
George, was extremely popular. That's why it all came as such a
shock.

--ooOoo--

There's more to come, but I need a break at the moment! Tootsie.