V2 of AT, YJM: Silver linings of their lives

Always there, yet just met: Silver linings of their lives

*Remember Neil and Nickola, remember my first story about them? Well
I've decided that something was missing, the true story from me, I
wrote only the first lot of ideas. This time, I'm going all out and
letting the ideas I didn't use out in the open. This time, things are
different as you will find out, I hope you read the interviews of the
two characters. Welcome to my world, welcome to Always there, yet just
met: Silver linings of their lives, the story that was never written
for fear of being too much, enjoy.*

Chapter 1: Of meetings and meanings

I used to believe that when you fall in love, you get the love returned
in full, guess I was wrong. I fell in love with someone and while I
loved him with all my heart, he didn't love me in return. At first I
thought he was just being rude, but I soon found out why, but I won't
tell you, why should I? You'll find out why later, for now, I will
begin my story.

I'm sore, really sore, I should consider buying a better computer
chair, this one is somewhat worn out from all the use it gets. Well as
I'm somewhat finished for today, I'll get up and stretch my somewhat
sore body and go outside for a bit, it may be early spring, but so
what? The cold air will do me good after writing for seven hours
straight, believe me, you never want to do that without at least one
hour's break. Learned my lesson now though, I can tell you. I push my
chair back and stand up, stretching my tired and sore body and with a
scratch in a few areas, and then go outside for some fresh air. Ah, now
that is good cold fresh air, oh yeah! A little shake of my body a
second later and I go back inside to answer the call of nature and then
to get a bite of late breakfast and something to drink. A bowl of
cereal and a glass of fresh orange juice later, I'm awake, but still
somewhat sore. Really must take more breaks, well I think I'll go for a
walk then, could do some good to loosen my bones. Grabbing my coat, I
leave the house that I live in all by myself and head for the small
footpath that will take me to the village. The air is still cold and
crisp, nice and refreshing. I love a good walk, when I used to live in
Dundee, there weren't a lot of places that were nice and quiet what
with Dundee being a city and all, so I loved to walk about whenever my
parents would take me and my brother and sister for camping trips. My
brother and sister hated it, but I loved it, better than TV and a life
not knowing of the true wonders of the world, not death, not killing
and suffering, but nature. Heaven indeed. I moved here to the village
of Tiaers two years ago after I got annoyed of the distractions of city
life, my friends and family, minus my mum and dad who were happy for
me, all said that I would be back within the week, guess I proved them
wrong, didn't I? It's nice here, quiet and picturesque, the people are
also nice enough, they don't mind strangers, as long as you don't do
anything to make them hate you. I love to make friends, but I'm
somewhat quiet a lot since I tend to spend most of my time writing and
walking about, I do say hi to everyone, but I don't have a lot of
friends here. Maybe I should consider being more social more often. I
think I'll go by the library, maybe some new books have come in, hope
so, I can afford new books at any time since I was born into a rich, if
not in looks but money wise, family. We never showed how rich we were,
as my dad likes to say, 'Money is everything to a lot of people, but it
can't buy you what is important, happiness and true friendship.' I
think he has a point, I have a lot of money, but I like to just use it
if needed, not because I can. I love to just be alive, even if the
world is somewhat crazy. The village is about two miles away on foot
and although I could take my car, I like to just walk there instead,
it's lazy using the car for short trips. I reach the village and make
my way to the library, meeting and chatting to a few people on the way.
The village is small, only five streets large, it has a small, but very
well stocked shop, an okay library and a small doctor's clinic. Like I
said, it's quiet and calming, but it's not somewhere you would want to
spend your life in. As I reach the library, someone bumps into me
softly and I step back.
"Sorry about that, guess I should have been paying attention." I turn
and look into the face of someone I haven't seen here before.
"It's okay, I should have been looking left, then right before walking
the sidewalk. You new here? Haven't seen you before." He's at least, by
a guess, an inch smaller than me, but it's not his size that I see,
it's his eyes, they seem to be really dark, yet easy to see, as if he's
seen a lot on life and always on the lookout for more to see. They seem
to roam about, yet never move at all. His hair is as black as night,
his skin is a little dark, yet not totally dark. He seems to carry
himself with a kind of quiet air, as if one word from him could do
things that make a difference. I don't know why, but when I look at
him, I see someone who doesn't fit in the world, instead he seems to be
the world in so much ways, a world that has no chance of ever being
real. Kindness, caring, all in one person and he just keeps it hidden
from people easily, yet I can also see pain in his eyes, as if he's
suffered a lot in his life. A past in the shadow of fear and pain, and
his future unfolding by something he has always known about, weird to
be thinking that just from one look. What does he see in me though? I
can tell he's looking into my eyes, yet he's looking at a forest over
by the village, while also looking at the library, weird.
"Emm, what? You too, guess my eyes must fascinate people, all my
friends keep saying I have odd eyes, dark mysterious ones. All I see in
my eyes is just a little brown and a little bloodshot from poor sleep.
Guess I better introduce myself then, I'm Neil, Neil Wyatt. I just
moved here yesterday, just dropping by here to get some books, ran out
of anything to read last night." I don't hear his words, instead I feel
like for no reason just kissing him here and now, what's wrong with
me?
"Nickola, that's my name. Nickola Haris, nice to meet you. I moved here
two years ago, I live near the village, just taking a walk to get some
fresh air and maybe a couple of books." He smiles a little at something
and shakes his head a little.
"Well it was nice to meet you Nickola, guess I'll see you around then."
He starts to move on to the library and I consider just letting him go
on, but I do something else instead, I talk to him.
"Neil, wait. I don't know why, but I was wondering and this is real
strange for me since we've only just met a minute ago, but I was
wondering if you would like to come up to my house for a chat after
we're both done here at the library, that is if you want to." Is it me
or was that the most oblivious way to say, 'Hey, I like you and was
wondering if I could have hot naked sex with you, is that okay?' Must
be the air or his eyes, because I've never felt like this before and I
have loved before, but this feels different, this is like I've met the
most important person in my life, pass me the thermometer doc, I think
I'm ill, love sick kind of ill.
"Are you okay? You look like you're ill." Damn, he hit the jackpot, I
am ill, ill in love for him, why though?

Nickola looks ill and I think I know what it is, when she looked in my
eyes, she saw something there that my friends saw, even Donna commented
on it, she saw everything about me, my past, my future and my reason of
life. Damn, why can't I hide what I am? For the last few years, I've
been told that I'm a saint, that I'm kind, caring, helpful, talented,
loving, everything nice and I find it hard to believe. I'm not like
that, it's just the way I've always been, no point being bitter and
twisted, living in the past of pain and sorrow, have to move on with my
life. I'm not evil, not sick and twisted, I'm just different, I've been
told that I'm not a normal person in this world where anger and hatred
of each other is normal, that I stand out from the human race in so
much ways, maybe I do, maybe I don't. But I think Nickola needs a cold
shower, or at least something to make her take her eyes off me, I don't
mind it, but to see the look of pure lust and love in her eyes and only
after just meeting, is unsettling. What is it about me that people like
these days? I hope Nickola doesn't try anything though, I'm too busy
for it, and I'm already in love, even if I don't show it. Great, second
day here and I think I have someone who is going to make me laugh no
end with silly attempts to get me in her bed, fun, I don't think. Two
years of this, how on earth am I going to hold out?

I'm not sure how I got into the library, first I was staring at Neil,
completely love sick with him and then next, I was standing next to him
outside the library, four books in my arms, totally zoned out.
"Nickola, I think I better walk you home, you seem to be somewhat
confused or is it something else? Anyway, as I'm in no hurry to get
home, then I can easily help you home." I can feel him helping me home
and I manage to finally think straight.
"Neil? Oh God! I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me, I've never
felt like that, I'm so sorry!" He shakes his head and just focuses on
helping me out.
"It's okay, it's nothing. You live just up here, two miles up? Looks
like a nice walk, well, after you I guess." I step forward and we head
to my house, even though my thoughts are more on Neil, why am I like
this to a complete stranger?
"I must be a sight, staring at you like that, I'm really sorry for
that. You don't need to do this though, I'm sure I can get home myself,
thank you." Neil looks back at the village and then at me.
"You sure? Well okay, take care and I'll see you again sometime, bye."
As he turns to leave, I grab him and he seems to shudder, why did he do
that?
"Neil, maybe it would be nice after all, it would be nice to have
someone round for a little while." He turns back and looks at me,, is
that fear in his eyes?
"Nickola, I don't know you and you don't know me. I'll get going now,
bye again." I stop him again and he shudders again, is it touch that
makes him do that?
"Why do you keep doing that? Is my touch that offensive to you?" I pull
my hand back and he steps back slowly, is he scared of me?
"I've just had a bad time when people touch me, it's not you, it's just
something from years ago. It's not you though, I just think that it's
best for me to go home after all." He's trying to lie, but he's holding
back from even that, is there something about him that's scared of
people?
"Neil, it would be lovely to have a friend round, if you don't mind me
calling you a friend only after we've just met that is. Please, some
company would be nice." He must have helped me pick my books because I
take a quick glance at them and I can see he picked books I haven't
read yet and which look oddly interesting, that's quite a skill he has
there.
"I....Okay, since you're asking. Lets go then, but I'm only doing this
because you're asking me, not because I want to, because I am somewhat
busy in fact, but I guess it can wait." At that sudden moment, I wanted
to just hug him and kiss him, but I think he would fight me if I tried
that, I can see fear in his eyes, but it's slowly fading and becoming
what I guess is a calm mood, like last time. I think I'm going to find
out a lot about him, if I can get him to just open up a little
more.

I wish she hadn't touched me like that, I have an annoying fear of
people because of an incident years ago. Even though, for Donna I'm
fighting it and so far it's kind of working, but not too well, still
feel a little afraid of people at times. Now Nickola wants me to go to
her house, guess I'll have to be on my guard, a waste of energy that I
don't have a lot of, but to be kind, I'll have to just cope. Damn these
limited bodies, may be a human, but sometimes I wish my body wasn't so
frail and problematic, why are us humans so weak? Oh way, better be
nice as usual, but just once I would like to have some time to myself,
like right now. I wish I could talk to Donna though, I always feel
better after talking to her, have to stay calm and cool, calm and cool,
control my fear and I'll be just fine, I hope.

Chapter 2: True fears

The rest of the walk back to my house is quiet, Neil thinking about
something, me trying to keep my hormones in control, not easy, I can
tell you. When we reach my house, I open the front door and Neil steps
back, guess I'm being too fast or something's holding him back.
"Please, come on in, I don't bite. Just thought it would be nice if I
opened the door and welcomed you in." He looks like he's just going to
say goodbye and leave, but he just shrugs instead and slowly walks
forward, that's better. We enter my home and I take my coat off, I
gesture for Neil's and he takes his coat off slowly, as if waiting for
something to happen so that he can quickly whip his coat back on and
run, what happened to him in his past to make him so cautious?
"Would you like a drink or something? My home is your home, just
relax." He looks around and with what I guess to be resignation, sits
down on the sofa, what is with him?
"Well thank you, but I can't stay long. Nice place though, from what I
see of your things, your a bit of a pack rat." He has a good point, I
do have a lot of things, I like to collect things for no reason.
"Well I have some soft drinks, Pepsi, Cola, that kind of thing, I have
some tea and a little coffee and if you like, I have some lager and
beer as well, not that I drink that stuff myself, but sometimes a
couple of friends who do drink tend to come round for a visit and chat.
So what's your fancy?" I move into the kitchen and since I have good
enough hearing, I'll be able to hear him easily.
"Emm, a Pepsi sounds good, thanks." I get two Pepsi's and I join him in
the living room. I pass him the drink and sit down next to him,
resisting somehow to just give up and kiss him there and then, why I
don't know, only just met him for crying out loud!
"So where you from? I'm from Dundee, I like it here, quiet and that,
Dundee was noisy and distracting." He opens the can and takes a sip,
guess he needed that, he did look a little thirsty.
"Me? Oh nowhere special, born and raised in a couple of villages near
Aberdeen, you know, North-East coast and that. Only just managed to
save up enough money to leave and come here for a couple of years
before I leave for the US, it's a little expensive, but I'll manage
somehow." Money problems? I never have to worry about that, but then by
the look of him, I would say he's used to never having enough money
when needed, just making do with what he has.
"I was born into a rich family, so money is never an issue for me.
Guess you weren't as lucky, well I can easily help you out with any
money problems, all you have to do is ask." As soon as I say that, he
looks at me and shakes his head.
"No, I hate to say this, but no, I won't take any money from you, I
could never afford to pay you back anyway. It's nice of you and all,
but no. Like I said, I'll manage somehow, I don't eat much anyway and
what I have should tide me over for the time I'm here, no need for
anything much, I have my health, a home and my work to keep me going."
My guess is that he's a stubborn person and so am I, I won't take no
for an answer. I can easily find out if he has an account and transfer
a nice amount of money into it, I want to anyway, so I will,
tonight.
"Nice or not, if you have any money problems, I'll give you what you
need. I don't want you to pay me back, I just want to help you. You
helped me, so I'll repay the debt." There's that look again, like I've
insulted him.
"Nickola, I helped you because that's what I do, I help people. I don't
do it for rewards, praise or love, I do it because I just like to help
people. Keep your money, you owe me nothing. Look I've wasted too much
time as it is, I best get going, thank you for the drink, I'll see you
again sometime, take care, bye." He gets up and before I can even stop
him, he's got his coat from beside the door and left, damn he's fast! I
quickly get up and run after him, but I don't need to go far. I open
the door and he's there, but something's wrong, he looks like he's in
pain.
"Neil? Are you okay?" I touch him and he steps back and I see he's got
his hand to his chest, oh shit! I know that look, but he's young, how
could he be having a heart attack?
"I'm...okay. I...just...need...to...sit...down...for...a...spell." I
take his shoulders which are stiff and I help him inside slowly and
gently, my dad once had a heart attack, wasn't fatal, but scared the
shit out of me when it happened.
"Do you have any meds for this? What made it happen?" He shakes his
head slowly as I help him sit down.
"No...meds,
just...have...to...lower...my...blood....pressure....a....little."
Stress related? Him? Ah, now I understand, he must overwork a lot.
Probably when he was moving so fast, his body just couldn't handle the
sudden spurt of speed and panicked, nasty.
"Okay, you rest here, do you need a doctor?" He shakes his head again
and slowly sits back, his face starting to slowly smooth out to a more
calmer look.
"No, I'll be fine, I just need to relax for a while. Sorry for scaring
you like that, I just have a very fast and somewhat fragile metabolism.
I'm sorry to ask this, but I might have to stay here for the night, to
rest and that, I hate to impose on you, but I don't want to risk
walking back home and having this happen again before I'm fully healed.
I'll understand if you don't want me here, I'm sure I can call a taxi."
A night here? Sounds good to me, by the looks of things, he's still in
pain.
"It's okay with me, I would welcome the company. I have a spare bed,
give me a few minutes and I'll have it ready for you." He shakes his
head again, damn he's a stubborn one.
"I'll sleep on the sofa if that's okay, it's not time for a rest yet,
but maybe I'll heal in a bit. If so, I'll be able to walk home." I'm
not having him walking home like this.
"Shut up, you're in pain and it could get worse. Just let me look after
you for the night, it's the least I can do for you. Does anyone else
know about this? Family, friends?" I sit down next to him and he moves
a little, am I that much of a problem to him or is it something
else?
"A few of my friends know, my family doesn't and they'll never know.
It's just a small problem, nothing serious. Look I'll get going
instead, I'll be fine." He starts to get up and I force him back down
and he cringes.
"Stop that! What's wrong with you, do you hate me touching you or is it
something to do with what happened years ago? Look, you're in pain, and
I'm not having you walking home two miles in your state. Just relax and
let your body heal itself." He looks at me and then to my horror, he
closes his eyes and seems to fall asleep.
"NO! WAKE UP! WAKE UP DAMN IT! DON'T YOU GO DYING ON ME!" He opens his
eyes again and smiles.
"Nick, I'm not dying, my body is just that sore that I have to rest so
that it can heal faster. Sorry for scaring you again, I'll stay awake."
Oh God, my heart is pounding like crazy, I was a second from calling
the services and performing CPR on him, fuck that scared me!
"Don't do that again, please, I almost had a heart attack of my own
there. Okay, you rest and I'll keep an eye on you, I'll be here if you
need me." Before he can say anything else, he closes his eyes and his
head falls against the back of the sofa and I get up slowly, gently
laying him down so as not to wake him. I manage to get his body into a
more comfortable position and I look at him, he looks so different when
he's sleeping. It's like he gets younger and becomes a child, he looks
so vulnerable and helpless. I'll keep an eye on him, protect him, I
love him and I'll do that for him, I'll do anything for him.
Anything.

Chapter 3: A little morning laugh

I feel a gentle hand, maybe I'm dreaming, maybe it's Neil in my dreams
softly caressing me with his gentle, loving hands. Maybe I'm
dead.
"Nick? Wake up." A soft voice now, if this is a dream, leave me
sleeping. Footsteps now, very quiet ones, heading towards the kitchen
and then the sound of cupboards opening and the fridge opening as well,
hmm, this is a nice dream, very nice. And then a very loud smashing
sound and a curse.
"Fuck! Bloody hands!" I open my eyes then and jump up, what now?
"Neil, is that you?" I stiffly walk to the kitchen, must have fallen
asleep in my seat and I see Neil cleaning up a smashed bottle of
milk.
"An accident, it's okay, I can buy more later." Neil finishes cleaning
and gets up, he looks tired, but okay.
"I'm really sorry Nick, I'll pay you back for the milk. I'm just a
little clumsy, sorry." I walk over to him, still a little tired myself,
what time is it though?
"No, it's ok, accidents happen. What time is it?" Neil looks over at my
wall clock and then back at me.
"It's about 8:17 in the morning, I was about to make you some
breakfast, a token of thanks for helping me last night." Morning
already? Shit!
"I....It's okay, you don't need to do that for me, it was nice to help
you. You go and sit down, I don't want you working yourself into
another heart attack. I'll make something, and don't worry about the
milk, as the saying goes, no use crying over spilt milk." He looks like
he's going to protest, but something in him makes him see my logic and
he sits down. He's done a great job on cleaning the milk up, he must be
a fast worker.
"So what would you like?" Neil shrugs, which means he's thinking of
going now.
"Nothing thanks, I guess I best get going, I've stayed too long." Oh no
he doesn't, he's not going anywhere till he's had something to
eat.
"Just sit there, you must be hungry after last night, I'm not a great
cook, but I can cook. You owe me nothing at all, so don't even start
that. Look, you go and freshen up in the bathroom, guess I best do the
same and after that, I'll make breakfast. And don't start arguing, go
on." He looks like he's going to say something, but he thinks better of
it and does as I say, I do the same.

After washing up and getting some clean clothes on, I go and start
making breakfast, Neil is in the living room, I don't have any clothes
for him, but that doesn't seem to bother him, he just looks
uncomfortable in my house, like he's intruding on my home, which he
isn't.
"Nick, I have to go, please." I've just realised he's calling me Nick
instead of Nickola, no one ever calls me that.
"Neil, why are you calling me Nick instead of Nickola? I don't mind,
it's nice, I'm just wondering." I think I've forgotten to wear
something more, my legs feel cold.
"I'm sorry, I just call people by their shorter names for some reason,
I can easily call you by your full name if you want." No, I like it
being shorter, but that's not important, I think I've forgotten to wear
anything on my legs.
"Neil, are you looking away because you see something about me? Ah,
oops." I look down and I see why he keeps looking away, I'm wearing a
small t-shirt and my underwear, nothing else, I guess I'm still a
little zoned out. And when I say small t-shirt, I mean very
small.
"Nick, sorry, Nickola, I was going to say, but you spoke before I could
say anything. I've been looking away because it's bad manners to
stare." If I could see myself, I think I would be as red as a
tomato.
"Be right back, guess you got a bit of an eye-full there." He just
shrugs and I run upstairs to get some clothes on.

Well after that somewhat embarrassing moment, I get the breakfast made,
despite Neil saying he should be paying me back for my kindness, and we
eat together in the kitchen. Afterwards, Neil looks up at the clock and
groans.
"I better get going, I'm a little busy. Thank you for everything, I'll
repay you somehow." And before I can even say anything, he gets up,
since the dishes are already done, he was determined to do them for me,
and grabs his coat and leaves faster than you can say 'cat'. I run to
the door and open it, in case it's happened again, but he's not there,
I just catch a glimpse of him entering the footpath towards the
village. I guess I'll just leave him like that then, he must be badly
needing to get home. I'll meet him again, I hope.

Chapter 4: Shopping moments

I finally get back home and the first thing I do is take a cold shower
and then a hot shower, why? Because I feel bad for seeing Nickola
practically naked and also because I have to do some shopping in town
and the bus will be here in an hour, so I have to get washed better,
get some clean clothes on and see what I need to buy. When I saw
Nickola walk down the stairs in just a t-shirt and underwear, I had
wanted to get out of the house so badly, but out of good manners, I
stayed and did my best not to stare. Fucking male hormones, why can't I
just control them like I used to be able to before I met Donna? I love
Donna and everything, but my male hormones are a problem for me these
days and it's damned annoying. It's a good thing I have good self
control though, a very good thing. Males are really just sex crazed
fiends most of the time, I know that women are like that as well, from
what I saw in Nickola's eyes yesterday. Donna would hate it, but I'm
going to have to hurt myself for being so bloody weak, I'm so tired of
being like this! I never should have broken that stupid oath, never. Oh
well, it's done now, I'll just have to learn stronger mental control,
and think my mind free of distractions. I've only got two more years to
make enough money to leave this place, I can't have my mind being
distracted by thoughts of sex. Easier said than done.

I catch the bus in time and I spend the next few hours shopping for
food and a gift to Nickola to say thank you to her, I know she'll
probably say it's okay and tell me I don't need to buy her anything and
that I don't owe her anything, but I do, I feel as if I have to repay
her for her kindness. I thankfully finish shopping and head back to the
bus station so catch the bus home, the bags are heavy, but I'll manage.
As I near the station, I hear Nickola's voice behind me and I turn
round.
"Hi Neil, just thought you would want a lift home, save on bus fare and
all that." Great, I was hoping I could get back home before I saw her
again, I'm really not in the mood for this.
"I'll catch a bus thanks." I start to walk on and Nickola grabs me
again, making me cringe, I wish she would stop doing that.
"I'm sorry if I'm making you all flustered and that, I just like you,
that's all. Look, it's just a lift home, nothing else." The bags are
heavy and I know I'm starting to feel a little pain in my chest, but I
don't want to rely on her help. Nickola looks at me then and then she
frowns.
"Neil, you look sore, very sore. Just get in please, I'm not having you
overworking yourself for nothing. Just pass me the bags, the car is
just behind me." The pain's getting worse now, fine, I pass her the
bags and then it hits me hard.
"Neil! For fuck sake come on!" She garbs me, the bags I passed her
hitting against me softly. I can barely move, my entire body has gone
numb.
"Nick, I can't move." She drags me over to the car, I don't protest,
I'm feeling a lot worse by the second and then it begins to fade at
last, leaving me breathless and sore everywhere. She helps me into the
passenger seat after opening the door and then she gets into the driver
seat.
"You look better now, good. Just sit there, the shopping is in the
boot, so that's done. Come on, I think you need a meal and a hot soak
in a bath, my guess is that you only have a shower. Let me pamper you,
please, I would love to." I try to protest, but I guess she has a
point, it's been a month since I last had a proper meal what with being
so busy, and the last time I had a bath was almost ten years ago, I've
only been able to have showers instead. As Nickola starts the car, I
close my eyes and let my sore body heal again.

Fuck that was close! I saw him walking down the street and I could see
that he was tiring fast. From the looks of him, he's been neglecting
his body and working instead, he looks worn out and tense. I think it's
time to treat him, he looks like he could do with a treat for a change.
He looks better when he's sleeping, I'll let him heal, it won't take me
long to get home. I can then wake him up gently and help him into my
house and into a nice hot bath once I run it, a friend I had in college
used to look like he does when he's awake, all thin, sore and just
unhappy. I guess I was just so much in love, I didn't see his pain. I
wonder why he's so stubborn though? I work a lot, but I know when I
need to relax and I guess it's my mission to make sure he gets pampered
and helped. I don't know his past, but my guess is that it's not been a
nice one. He deserves so much kindness and I'm going to give him as
much as I can.

Chapter 5: Bath talks and secrets known

Neil sleeps the whole way back to my house, he looks uncomfortable, but
he also looks like he's just used to it. I stop the car when we reach
my front door and I gently shake him awake.
"Neil, wake up, we're here." He opens his eyes slowly and for one
entire second, I see him in such a vulnerable way, I wish I could just
hug and kiss him and tell him everything will be alright.
"Hmm, Nickola? What am I doing here? Oh, I remember, the heart attack."
He looks out of the windscreen and places a hand on his eyes and runs
it down slowly.
"Your house? Nick, please, I have to get home, just back us out and
take me home, I have work to do." What?! After all that, he still wants
to work? No, he needs a break, he needs a rest for a while.
"No Neil, you look like shit, not to insult, but you look really bad.
When did you last bother to have a bath, hell, when did you relax last?
I don't care how important your work is, you need to rest for a while,
you'll kill yourself if you keep working all the time." I unbuckle my
seatbelt and get out of the car and go round to the passenger door,
Neil could have left by himself, but I think he's still a little weak,
so I'll help him inside the house. After I make sure he's resting for a
bit, I'll drop his shopping back at his house once he gives me the
address. I'm not having him killing himself on me, no way at all. I
open the door and help him out slowly, he tries to resist my help, but
he is still weak, so he just gives in and lets me help him to the front
door which I open easily. Taking his weight on my shoulder, I help him
inside slowly and over to the sofa and sit him down.
"Nick, I'm okay, I am still weak, but I can still do things. Let me go
home, please, I've imposed on you too much as it is." Stubborn git he
is, he just won't take it that he's pushing himself too hard.
"No, sit there, I'll go run you a bath, it will help you relax and then
when I get back from dropping your shopping off at your house, I'm
going to make you a meal or order out, but you need to rest for a
change. Let me pamper you, please, I want to and I think you need it.
You can't do everything yourself you know, let someone close to you,
let me help you." He looks up at me and then just gives in
completely.
"Fine, fine! If it makes you feel good, very well. I'm tired of this, I
just helped you a tiny bit and you're treating me like I'm important,
I'm not important! I'm not an invalid, I'm just a little tired, that's
all. Let me repay you in some way, please." he sounds so unhappy, as if
he's never had this much attention lavished on him before, why is he
like this?
"Neil, I know you're not an invalid, I can see your very tired and to
me, you are the most important person I've ever met. I don't want
repayment, just having you here with me is payment enough, I love you,
why can't you show your feelings for me?" I sit down next to him and he
moves a way from me slowly.
"Stop that! What's wrong with you? Is it me? If so, then okay, I'll
take you home, leave you to die slowly and painfully, unloved and
alone. I want to help you and you're afraid of me touching you, are you
going to tell me why or do I have to force it out of you?" I see his
eyes again, his dark eyes so full of untold memories and pain, he looks
so unhappy now.
"Nick, I told you it's not you, it's me. I'm sorry, but I don't know
you all that well yet, I don't know if I can trust you, I've already
trusted people before and had that trust thrown back in my face.
Alright, fine. You want to touch me, you want to feel what I'm like?
Okay, whatever, what do I care for my fears, I don't matter." Fuck that
was cold, I really want to help him, but this fear he just spoke of is
maybe the very thing that's making him so hard to talk to.
"Right, I'm going to run the bath and I'm going to join you, don't look
at me like that, it's not for sex or anything, it's because I want to
talk to you, I can stay clothed and just sit next to you while you're
in the bath, I won't look, I won't touch, we'll just talk. If you want,
I can loan you my rubber duck for the bath, even put bubbles in, but I
want to talk to you. I can even join you in the bath, I won't do
anything to make you afraid of me, I'll just sit with you and talk,
nothing more. But please Neil, please let me help, you can't keep your
pain bottled up all the time, it will only makes your life worse." I
think I got through to him, he seems to be thinking about my
words.
"It's up to you if you want to sit in the bath with me, we're both
adults and all, but I don't love you, as a friend, I like you, but
beyond that, I have no feelings for you. You want to talk though and
that's fine with me, I guess I should talk. But understand me when I
say I won't have sex with you and if you force yourself upon me, I will
leave you alone, out of fear and out of hatred.
I....do....not....love...you. but fine, I'll abandon my morals for you,
just to talk, but nothing else and I mean it." Harsh, really harsh, but
it will have to do I guess.
"Okay, as long as you relax as well. If I have to, I'll give you a
massage and I won't stop until you're relaxed and talking, just let me
do the work for you, let me give you some pampering, that's all I ask.
Okay?" He nods his head reluctantly and I get up to go run the bath,
it's a start I guess, the start of an interesting journey.

The bath is run and I've managed to drag Neil into the bathroom, he's
really stubborn about this, but then so am I. He looks at the bath and
then at me.
"Nick, I'll get in the bath, but I think I should have some privacy, if
you don't mind." Modest guy here, but in case it happens again, I want
to be able to help him even faster.
"No, just strip off, I won't peek." I turn round so that my back is to
him, I have a mirror in my pocket, I'm a little vain so I always carry
a tiny one.
"I guess that will have to do, but don't go peeking, it may be only a
body, but I'm somewhat shy." I nod my head in understanding and as he
starts to get undressed, I slowly take the mirror out of my pocket and
watch him, nice view. He sets the clothes down on a seat by the tub and
gets in slowly, testing it's heat and everything, once he's settled, I
turn back round.
"There, that's good, okay now I'll get in and join you, as I said I
would and we'll talk, okay?" He starts to protest but thinks better of
it. Since I'm not at all modest about my body, unless I don't want to
show it, I get undressed in front of him and he looks away. Once I'm
naked, I get in the tub with him, it's a very big tub, I like a lot of
room. I can feel his feet as my feet move about and he pulls them back
towards himself, he is one hard cookie to break, but I think I can help
him with his fear, not sure how, but I'll try.
"Don't shy away from me, just relax. Here, take my hand and come over
and sit by me, go on." I extend my hand to him and he looks at
it.
"Nick, this is bad enough as it is, I feel like I'm doing something
wrong." Why is he so shy of a naked body? I can see in his face that he
finds me beautiful, but something else is making him want to jump out
and get away as fast as possible.
"Shut up and take my hand, I won't harm you, if I do, then say so, but
trust me, please." Come on Neil, stop being so distant. He looks at me
and then at my hand and then with a sigh of resignation, he takes it
and floats over to me and sits down.
"Good, that's a start. Now lets talk." He lets go of my hand and tries
to lie back in the tub, but he still looks really tense. I wonder why
he's like this though? It's like he expects people to hurt him, not
treat him with kindness like I'm doing.
"Okay, why are you so tense? Why do you keep trying to get away from me
when I sit near you or when I touch you? Tell all." You know what would
go well with this? Some music, guess I forgot, maybe next time, if
there is one.
"I don't know if I should, but okay. First the reason why I'm so tense
is that when I was younger, I was taught that only work mattered, that
your entire life is to be devoted to nothing but work, and that leisure
time is just a waste. I used to get some time to be a child, but not as
much as would have been nice, so my life is pretty much devoted to
overworking and trying to get things done quickly and easily. To me,
relaxing is just an excuse for lazing about and wasting your life away,
but in the last few years, I've found out how badly I need to relax and
that work isn't everything. I've been trying to relax over the past few
years, but so far, no luck, I'm just too tense. A good few of my
friends have told me to relax a lot, but it's too hard for me. Maybe
one day in the future I'll be able to relax, for now though, it's just
work for me." A life of work? No thanks, not for me, have to relax once
in a while.
"Okay, and what about the other thing? Your odd fear?" He shifts a
little, which means he finds this next thing awkward to talk
about.
"The reason why I'm so scared of you and of being touched is because I
have a fear of people. It's a bastard of a fear because it ruined my
childhood and whenever I wanted or needed a hug, I couldn't do it
because I was so scared of being hurt, you see when I was younger,
about five, six years old, I was sexually abused. The abuse was done by
an adult that I was supposed to trust and after I was abused, I
developed a complete fear and hatred for adults and of people for fear
of being hurt like that again. I can't even trust my own family because
of my fear. Do you have any idea what that's like? To not get a hug
when you need one, to never be able to kiss anyone without suddenly
feeling like you're going to be hurt? That's why I keep moving away
from you, that's why I'm so jumpy around people. I am absolutely
terrified of being harmed like that again, even being in a room with
someone makes me nervous. So being in here with you is causing my heart
to beat fast, my pulse to increase. I like you as a friend, but you
scare me a lot because of my fear. But I'm learning how to ignore this
fear, I have to, I can't live in fear anymore, so for me to be doing
this is taking a lot out of me. There, now you know." Damn, I didn't
think it could be that at all, I've been almost killing him every time
I touch him, every time I sat next to him, he was close to having a
seizure. Fuck! I should have known, I should have been more
careful.
"I'm really sorry for causing you so much harm, I had no idea you were
so scared of me like that. I should have stopped touching you after you
first tried to get away, but I couldn't, I love you a lot, but you
don't love me, which I accept I guess. Now I know why you have trouble
with love as well, you feel like you're going to be hurt if you get
kissed, hugged, even touched gently. If you want, I can help you with
this, I've never gone through what you're going through, but I'll do my
best to help you. If you'll let me." I know this is wrong, but I want
to help him so I hug him and at first he winces and then he just gives
in. We sit together in the bath for ten minutes and I get out before
him and get dressed, I'll leave him alone for a few minutes to get
dressed and if he wants, to think quietly without me in the way. Even
though, I keep thinking he's holding something back from me, like
there's one thing that he doesn't think is right to say to me, maybe
another day he'll tell me, maybe.

Neil comes through to the kitchen once he's dressed and I pass him a
hot drink.
"Here, it's some hot honey and lemon, I'm not sure if you have a cold
or anything, but I'm sure you like this stuff." He takes the mug from
my hands and sips it, he then sits down at the table.
"Thanks, I'm really sorry for always avoiding you and that, but you now
know why I do that and I'm really sorry if it seemed like I was rude. I
am trying to stop this fear from controlling me, but it's not easy." I
sit down across from him and take his hand, he's trying hard not to
wince.
"I understand, it's okay. You've lived with this fear for, what?,
almost twenty years now, that's a long time to be afraid. My only fear
is of cramped places, but to be afraid of people, that's a lot worse
than my fear. I'm surprised you've coped this long, how have you
managed?" I wish I could just hug him, make him feel safe and secure,
but with his fear, then that could be a bad thing to do.
"Just strong mental control, fighting the urge to run away from people
and teaching myself to just cope with it and everything. Even being in
this room is making me nervous, but I'm just keeping my mind focused on
my work and life in general. Well I better go Nick, I have to get the
shopping home and then get some work done. So please, I'll accept your
help here since I have no desire to walk home." I'll be happy to help
him, even though I would like it if wasn't going to do any work, but
it's his choice.
"Alright, well I'll go get my shoes on and my coat, you go to the car,
I'll be just a minute." He finishes his drink and goes out to the car.
I join him a couple of minutes later and I take him home. After I drop
him off, he waves bye and I go back home, I wish I could help him
tonight a little more, being alone in that house must be boring. Well
I'll see him again tomorrow maybe, for now I best go home and rest
myself, that bath made me feel a little dozy.

Chapter 6: The end of hopes

Six months have passed since I moved here, Nickola is still trying to
get me to love her, but she also understands that I can't love her in
the way she wants, all I can give is friendship, I'm already in love
anyway. Nickola's schemes are funny though and me and Donna always have
a good laugh whenever I tell her of each one, I've told Nickola that I
find her advances funny and that I tell my friends and Nickola likes it
that she makes me laugh a lot, even though she wishes they would work,
like one plan she came up with just a couple of days ago was a laugh,
she had invited me to her house for a meal and while the meal and
company was nice and all, Nickola then went and dressed in a very
skimpy costume, by the looks of things, I think she got the idea from
anime or something, she had dressed in a very tiny school girl outfit.
She looked ridiculous though and I had almost bust a gut laughing at
her when she tried to make me aroused, her attempts are always funny
and I think Nick likes it when I start laughing, I can tell she wants
me to be happy. Right now though, I'm just finishing off a novel I've
been working on for a while, a friend of mine taught me how to write
after I read a few of his stories and commented on them. That was last
year, just before he died. We used to be neighbours and I was the only
one in the village who would even be nice to him and a friendship grew
from that, he was a good friend to me and a lot of people, he was
always there to help. He had written a lot of stories for something to
do and I have to say he was quite amazing, I once read a story of his
about a vampire he had created and I was hooked from the first
sentence. He died just before Christmas last year of a heart attack
from overworking, his friends had all attended his funeral, even me.
His soul mate had said a beautiful thing about him and I had watched
has she had cried hard with another one of his friends, a young woman
called Tonya, I miss him and his work, he's made me someone that I
thought I could never be after what had happened in my past. I wonder
how he would have gotten on with Nickola though? Probably be a better
friend to her than even I am. My story is just my fourth one, it's hard
for me to write anything without thinking of his help and his
encouragement whenever I was about to give up a few times. I've
dedicated every story to him and his soul mate, I hope she's doing
okay, I guess she must miss him a lot. Well anyway, it's done now so I
guess I'll go and relax, Nickola and Donna have been telling me to
relax more, so I guess I should try to, doesn't hurt to I guess. As I
get up from my seat, there's a knock at the door and I go and answer
it, it's Nickola.
"Hiya, what brings you here?" Nickola looks bored, so she must just be
wanting to see me, probably to see if I'm alright.
"Bored, so I'm just dropping by to say hi, if that's okay anyway?" I
don't mind, it's nice to have company.
"Sure, come on in, I've just finished a story if you want to read it."
Nick comes in and goes through to the living room, she never really
bothers to take her coat off until she's in the living room, I never
mind, it's only a coat that will end up sitting on a chair, nothing
more, Nick will probably sit next to me if I'm working at the computer
or watching a little TV. I'll go and get something for her to drink,
guess she would like a cold drink what with it being a warm day.

Neil gives me a cold drink while I'm reading his story, I have to
admit, he's pretty good.
"Who taught you to write like this? It's very well detailed and good at
making you keep reading." I sip my drink and Neil sits down next to me,
he's doing really well controlling his fear, he's come a long way in it
in the past few months.
"A friend from home taught me, he wrote a lot of stories and I had read
a couple of his and asked him how he wrote like that, so he taught me
within a few hours. He was a good, no great writer, he wrote what he
knew, and wrote from the heart. But he was really unhappy because his
work was treated like it was nothing and his talents hindered by an
uncaring family. But he kept writing until he died last year, I now
write in his place, to keep him alive in some way. He told me though
before he died, about a couple of hours before, that he had started to
feel love for a friend he cared deeply about and I knew who he was
talking about and when I had told him to tell her, he had just said
that it was wrong and that he was happy enough to just be friends with
her, a couple of hours later though, he was dead from a heart attack.
Me and a lot of his friends and even his family attended his funeral
and the ones who showed the most grief were his friends. He was going
to be going to the US as well, just after me once he had saved up
enough money, I guess he isn't though, not now. I wonder if he'll be
happy knowing that I'm going instead, he did ask me if I was in love or
planning on leaving the UK. I told him I was planning to leave the UK
and he was happy for me. Oh wait, I can hear the phone." Neil gets up
and goes to answer the phone and I turn away from the computer where I
had read the only copy of the story. I see him pick up the receiver and
at first smile and talk to the person at the other end and then the
smile fades and turns to something like a complete drain of feeling and
emotion and then he slowly sets the receiver down. He comes back into
the living room and I can see sadness beginning to appear in his
expression and in his posture.
"Neil? What is it?" He then notices me and I see that I'm going to have
to help him again, I think he's going to die from what I guess to be
pure grief.
"Nick, I have to say this, I am in love, but not with you, I'm in love
with a woman from the US called Donna and we were going to meet soon,
but something's happened with her family and she has had to call
everything off so that she can help her family. That was her just now,
she's told me what happened, her parents got in a car accident, her
father is dead and her mother is in a coma, she feels that with what's
happened, we can't meet as we planned, so everything is off. I can
still go to the US, but alone, she can't leave her family until things
get better, I'm going to live in the UK instead, if for the rest of my
life, then so be it, I won't be a problem for her. I guess this means
I'm alone again, as always, just good old alone me." And then he breaks
down and the tears fall fast, it's good to see that he never hides his
true feelings, but damn, it hurts me to see him like this. I help him
to a seat and for two hours, I stay with him while he just explains
everything to me, his love for Donna, his loneliness and his one dream
of leaving the country that had killed a friend he had learned a lot
from. I wish I could help him, but how can I help him? He doesn't love
me, he loves someone else, but I love him and I will do whatever I can
for him, anything at all.

Chapter 7: A mother's promise and deal

I love my mother, I admit it, she is a wonderful woman and I care for
her a lot and she cares for me a lot as well, but I wish she wouldn't
visit me right now, if she sees Neil, she'll think we're a couple, and
as much as I would like that, I'm respecting his choice. Neil is
helping me with the food as I know that my mum loves my cooking, even
though I keep thinking I'm a bad cook, so Neil has offered to make the
food for me.
"Nick, stop worrying, I'll be happy to stay in the kitchen if it's a
problem, or I can go back home, since I do have a few things there I
need to pack away." Neil is thinking of leaving and even though I want
him to stay, he feels it's not worth staying here any more if he has
nothing to live here for any more, it's been a month since he got the
news from Donna and he's calmed down a lot, but I can still see how
upset he is.
"No, please, stay here with me. I'm sure my mother will love you, I
just hope she doesn't get the wrong idea, I mean I love you and all,
but I guess I have to respect your choice and that you're already in
love. Anyway, your a better cook than me, you make cooking seem easy,
all I do is make cooking into an inferno." He's one hell of a worker,
he's cooking, reading the cooking books, and talking to me and not once
is his focus slipping, I wish I was like that. The doorbell rings then,
she's here.
"Okay, you go answer the door, the food is almost ready. Don't worry,
everything's just fine and I won't go dying on you, this cooking is
nice and relaxing for me, so I'm fine." I give him a hug and go and
answer the door, as I open it, I see my mother standing there with a
suitcase, oh no.
"Nickola, you look as beautiful as you always do, I hope you don't
mind, but I want to stay here with you for a few days, just to see this
place a little better and to see this Neil you've told me about, I hope
you two are a couple, if not, that's okay, but it would be nice. So are
you going to let me in then?" I step back and she enters the house,
instantly smelling the cooking.
"Are you cooking? It smells wonderful." She drops her suitcase and goes
through to the kitchen and then Neil runs out.
"Whoa, you didn't tell me that she likes to kiss strangers at first
sight." My mum comes back into the living room and looks at me and then
Neil.
"So this is Neil, I have to say Nickola, you have yourself quite an
interesting man here." He blushes and tries to step around her to
return to the cooking. She steps aside, but not after slapping a hand
on his bottom.
"Nick, he's quite firm there, not a bit of fat, got yourself quite a
pull here, quite a stud." Neil blushes harder and manages to retreat to
the kitchen before she can say anything else.
"Mum, he doesn't love me, I love him and he knows that, but he's
already in love with someone else. He's just a friend, that's all." My
mum looks at him as he works and then turns to me.
"You sure? Is he gay or anything, how can he not love you?" Oh boy, I
wish Donna was here right now, she could probably explain things better
than me, she knows him better than I do.
"No, he's not gay, he's in love with a woman from the US. He's just
helping me out here and then going back home to finish his packing,
he's leaving." I go and close the door and my mum sits down.
"Oh, why's he leaving? Did something happen?" I sit down next to her
and nod.
"Yeah, he was going to live in the US with Donna, the woman he loves,
but something happened in her family and she's called it off, so he's
thinking of living his life in the UK, even though a friend of his died
in this country a while ago and he blames the country for doing that to
him. I think he's also running out of money, so that could be one
reason as well." My mum seems to be thinking and then she goes through
to the kitchen, why can't she leave him alone?

I love this, all this cooking, it's helping a little to distract me
from my sadness about never seeing Donna at all, it's only a matter of
time before we stop being in love with each other as well, I can feel
it. I hope I can manage to live in this country after that, I really
do.
"Neil, you're making a stupid mistake, stay here and help my daughter."
Oh great, what's she going to do to me now? Stamp me as prime
stock?
"Nick told you then? I have to, I have nothing here to stay for, my
money is low and I guess my family were right, I am useless, I can't
even leave the UK, let alone make a life for myself." She sits down and
then slams her hand down.
"No, you're staying here. I don't know why, but when I looked in your
eyes, I saw someone who isn't a failure, who isn't useless, I saw
someone who is kind, caring, troubled, lonely and most of all, in need
of a good life instead of being so unhappy here. Neil, I want you to
stay here and be here for my daughter, help her and all that, that
should be enough of a reason to stay." Who does she think she is? She
doesn't know me at all, I can't stay here, I'll only make Nickola
unhappy if I stay here, depressed and alone.
"I can't, did you know that in the last month since I found out that I
would be stuck, I've tried to kill myself a few times already? Has Nick
told you of that, how she once found me with a kitchen knife aimed at
my heart, ready to fall upon it, when Nick saw me, she acted quickly by
grabbing my arm and holding it and when I started to move closer to it,
she grabbed the knife from my hands and threw it away? Your daughter
may love me, but I don't love her and I'm a threat to her in this way,
depressed and alone. Please, you have to understand, I don't want to
endanger your daughter, she's a lovely person and if I wasn't already
in love, then I'm sure I would be in love with her, but I'm not, at
all." Her mum just looks at me and then stands up and slaps me.
"You're afraid of being of use, aren't you? You lost one hope and now
you feel you've lost all hope, you're a fool if you think that. I don't
care that you don't love my daughter, to save you from killing yourself
shows how much she cares for you and also shows how much she loves you.
Don't give up living just because of one setback, your life is only
just beginning. Stay here for my daughter and more importantly, for
you, stay here because here, you have someone who loves you and who
will do anything for you. In fact, I'll make a deal with you, you know
that I'm rich and all that crap, so if you stay here, I will help you
leave the UK. I will pay for your home here, I will pay for everything
or whatever you need help with. You have made my daughter so happy that
I am eternally grateful for that, so please, think about it. I'm
staying here for a few days and I want to know that when I go back home
that my daughter will have you here for her, so what do you say, will
you consider it?" I check on the cooking and then turn back to
her.
"Okay, fine. I'll consider it, but I don't want your money, I can never
pay you back anyway, but I know you have a point. I guess I am being
selfish and that your daughter likes me a lot, so yes, I'll consider
it." She smiles and gives me a small hug.
"Thank you Neil, and even if you don't take my money, you'll find you
have extra money in your account, ready for when you need it. Even if I
have to hire someone to find out your account number, you'll have the
money and my friendship. Well now that that's done, I have to say that
your cooking smells wonderful and I think you're just perfect for my
daughter, you may not love her, but I can tell you care about her
enough to do this for her and for me. Thank you." Guess I have a new
friend, I wonder what Tony would be saying to this? Probably, 'You
know? I think you've got a hell of a future ahead of you.' And I think
he's right, I just hope I'm able to help Nick when she needs it.
"I've considered it and okay, I'll stay here, but only to help your
daughter. I guess it's the best thing to do for all the help she's
given me. Now if you excuse me, I have some cooking to check on." She
nods and goes back through to talk to her daughter and I get back to
cooking, guess I'm stuck here for a while then. I hope I can be a great
help to Nick, I really do.

Chapter 8: Losing home

My mum is a stubborn one all right, even after his protests, she put a
lot of money into his account. He never touches it though, he feels
like he has to pay her back somehow, but I've managed to help him
understand that she just wants to help him. Well anyway, he decided to
stay here after all and even though he hates this country, he's staying
here only to help me out until I no longer need help. I wish he would
just fall in love with me though, but he won't do that, he's too much
in love with Donna, so I'll just have to accept that. Right now, I'm
going to go and drop by for a little while, not got anything else to
do, so why not? Neil still seems unhappy though, as if he's just doing
this for nothing other than to keep me happy, and I wish he wouldn't
feel like that, I wish he would let me give him something that would
make his life seem worthwhile. Maybe one day.

Tony made a friend that he cared for a lot before he died, before he
had died, he had said to me that he was starting to feel like he was
falling in love with her, but he wasn't sure if it was a good thing to
do, so he just held his feelings back. I told him, about an hour before
he died, that he should tell her someday, and he said he would, but
only in the future. Guess he can't now though, and now here I am,
talking to her online, just as he used to.

Neil, bored of life, but living on says: Remember how he would come up
with silly jokes like the Jelly Baby Slayer? When he told me, I
couldn't stop laughing at his ideas, he was quite the writer.

Kat, In pain from life and memories says: I remember his quotes, how he
would just come up with them so fast and then say they were basic. I
would always tell him that they were really good, but he just didn't
believe me. I miss him so much.

N: I know, so do I. I've been reading his stories again lately and I
can't believe he won't be writing anymore, he was so talented and yet
he never accepted it. He was just wanting to know if people could
understand his work and no one even noticed it.

K: He was so annoyed at people, he loved to write and he loved to help
people. I have something to confess though, I loved him more than a
friend and I was away to tell him, but I won't get that chance now. I
wish he was here with me, to wipe away my tears, to reassure me that
everything was a mistake, that he's still alive.

N: I see, well Tony told me something that he was going to tell you
soon once he could get the courage to. He was falling in love with you
as well, he was starting to notice it a lot. He tried so hard to stop
himself from telling you and he was going to tell you someday. I guess
love was slowly developing between you two and now you've told me your
feelings for him. He was a great person, one of a kind.

K: That he was, that he was. I wish I could see him one more time, give
him the life he deserved, but I can't and I blame myself for not being
there for him when he needed me. I wonder if he's waiting for me? I
wonder if there is life after death and if so, if he's there, waiting
for me as he promised he would.

N: I think he is, I'm sure of it. Just don't go killing yourself though
to find out, he would want you to live on. Well I guess I better get
going, take care of yourself, Tony is watching over you and loves you
deeply, live for yourself and for him, he's still alive in your heart
and your memories. Bye.

I log out and disconnect from the Net, it's been almost a year since I
met him, one whole year since he helped me write and see life as
something more. I understand Amy's pain, I miss him as well, he was a
great friend. Well I guess I better do something to cheer myself up, so
I go and see what mail I got this morning, been a little busy to check
on it. As I get up, there's a knock at the door and I go and answer it,
it's Nickola.
"Hey Nick, come on in. Just going to check my mail, do you want a drink
or a bite to eat?" Nickola comes in and I take her coat and put it on a
coat peg.
"Up to you, just dropping by to see how you are and that. You look
tired, you been sleeping right?" I have, kind of, something on my mind
is distracting me and I tell her that.
"Well whatever it is, I'm sure you'll find out what it is soon." I step
aside and Nick goes through to the living room and I go and get my mail
and check it as I go through to the kitchen. One of the letters is from
the council, odd that, can't be a complaint, I've paid my rent and I
never make any noise. Oh well, won't know till I open it. I open the
letter and take out the letter inside and read it. What the? They
can't! Nickola comes through and sees me with the letter in my hand and
takes it gently from me and reads it.
"Those bastards! How dare they! What on earth gives druggies more
priority to live here than you? You pay your rent and everything else
and now this, Neil what are you going to do now?" I sit down at my tiny
table and Nick passes me the letter and I reread it.
"I don't know. I guess I have no choice but to go for good, I have
nowhere else to go other than back home and I don't want to do that.
Nick, I'm homeless and all because of a stupid decision by a bunch of
idiots who think druggies are a useful part of society, you already
know that trying to help them is pointless, they just keep going.
Great, I better get looking for a new place to live, more fucking
expense and I don't want to use that money your mum gave me either."
She sits down next to me and hugs me, I'm doing well in controlling my
fear, I repress the urge to cringe.
"Neil, let me help you here again, why don't you come and live with me?
You know my house is huge and there's plenty of room. And I would love
the company as well, so what do you say?" Live with Nick? I don't know,
but I have no other choice, it's either that or going back home and
being even closer to the place where I lost a great friend. Tony, what
would you do? I wish I could ask you.
"Nick, are you sure? I don't want to think I'm forcing this or that I'm
imposing. Okay, Nick, okay, I'll live with you, but only as a friend.
This isn't a love thing since you know I don't love you, but since
you're so sure, then okay, I'll move in with you. I guess it will do
until I can find a new place. I have two weeks though, so I'll start
packing now." Nick smiles and hugs me tighter, I hope this doesn't
damage our friendship.

I help him with the last of his things and then it's all done, he's
moved in with me. I'm surprised at the lack of things he owns, some
clothes, his computer, a few books, not a lot at all.
"Thanks Nick, I don't have a lot, do I? Never been able to afford all
that much anyway." I can see that, I think I should take him shopping
sometime, get him some new things.
"Don't worry about that, I'm going to take you shopping someday and
treat you to a whole new wardrobe and some new books and whatever you
want, as a friend and to also say thank you for staying with me. And
don't you go refusing, you should let people buy you some gifts for a
change and I want to buy you some gifts because you're a great friend."
He looks like he's going to say something else, but he changes his
mind. It's great to have some company at last, the house feels a lot
better with the one I love inside it.

Chapter 9: An offer and a response

I've been living here with Nick for four months now, it's been odd, she
is a little messy, but that just gives me something to do and she tends
to walk around the house almost or completely naked, which is funny to
watch when she remembers I'm here. She is a great friend and I do care
for her, just not in the way she wants. I miss Donna a lot though, I
wish I was with her and I think Nick knows that. Right now we're both
watching a movie on TV and Nick turns to me.
"Neil? Have you thought about what you're going to do with the money
you saved up for meeting Donna? You did manage to save up a lot and
even Tony helped you there, and now that you can't meet her, what are
you going to do with the money?" I'm not sure, when I told Tony of my
plans, he had helped me the best he could until he died and now I don't
know what I'm going to do, I can't stay here forever.
"Not sure, I still want to leave this country, but being alone in a
strange country is not something I want to do. I don't like this
country, living here killed a friend of mine and I don't want to end up
the same way." Nick nods in understanding and then kisses me
gently.
"Well I have an idea, you want to leave here right? Well so do I now, I
want to be with you, to help you and all, even if you don't love me, I
still want to be with you. So how about this, lets both of us go to the
US, lets live together there and if things work out with Donna's
family, then maybe you'll be able to live with her instead. I know it
will be hard, but you know about my wealth and all and you know that I
want only the best for you. So how about it? Want to go to the US, meet
Donna?" Am I hearing her right?
"Nick, you want to live with me in a new country, are you sure? I mean
it's nice and all and it would be lovely, but are you sure you want to
live with me in a new country and help me?" She sits up from her
position on the sofa and looks into my eyes.
"Yes, I do. I want to help you so much, to give you the life you
deserve and the life you feel that Tony deserved, and also, I want to
meet this Amy that Tony was a great friend to. I've only talked to her
online and I think I can see why Tony liked her so much, she's a nice
person. So what do you say? Will we go to the US? Fulfil your wish and
Tony's wish?" I look at her and then I make my choice.
"Yes, let's go. Lets leave this country, lets see a new place and see
Amy and help her with her loss. When will we go then?" Nick gets up and
goes over to a cupboard and opens one of it's drawers.
"How about we go tomorrow? I bought the tickets for you yesterday in
case my plan worked, I know how badly you want to leave this place, so
go get packed, I'm already packed and ready." The little schemer! I get
up and go over to the stairs.
"One of these days, I'm going to be able to second guess you. Okay,
I'll go get packed, but you are quite the schemer and I like that, you
plan ahead a lot. If I wasn't in love with Donna, I would be in love
with you." And I go upstairs to pack my things.

Did he say what I think he said? Did he say that he could have loved me
if he hadn't met Donna? Yes! But, no, he's already in love. But that
doesn't matter, not in the slightest, at least he said he would have
loved me and that is enough for me in so much ways.

Chapter 10: Leaving the past for the future

I wish Neil was in love with me, right now I would love a kiss and hug
from him, just a little something to help me realise that this isn't a
dream. Our plane is about to leave, we're really going to a new
country, a whole new life. Neil looks tired, this must be something he
had only dreamed about, and when he found out that his dream was gone,
he must have been ready to just give it all up, and now I've rekindled
the dream and he looks so happy, so excited. I wonder if Donna will be
waiting for him at the airport in the US? I wonder if Neil slept last
night, I did. Well enough of this, lets get going.
"Ready Neil?" He's reading the departure board and he nods his
head.
"Yep, as ready as I'll ever be. Thank you Nick, thank you so much, if
there's any way I repay you for this, just say." There is one thing,
but will he do it?
"Well, there is one thing that I would love back, and that's a kiss and
a hug, please. Just something, that's all, not in love, just in
friendship." He looks at me and then shrugs.
"Sure, why not, couldn't hurt I guess." And he hugs me and gives me a
small kiss on the forehead, not on the lips as I wanted, but it's
better than nothing. I hug him back and give him a small kiss in return
and he doesn't cringe, he's trying so hard, it's good to see he's doing
well.
"Well come on then, lets go to our new home." He nods and we pick up
our carry alls and head for the terminal.

Chapter 11: Welcome to a new home

The plane lands with a shudder and I wake Neil up, he fell asleep a few
hours ago and I didn't want to interrupt his rest, he looked like he
needed it. He wakes up slowly and opens his eyes.
"Hmm? Oh, we're here already?" I nod my head and get our small
bags.
"Yep, we're here, welcome to the United States of America or should I
really say, welcome to North Carolina, please take your bags and other
things with you and leave the seats in a spotless condition, byh bye
now." He chuckles a little and gets up and helps me with the bags. Once
we're done, we leave the plane and meet up with Donna who is waiting
for us.
"Neil, hi. You must be Nickola, thank you for helping him out. I guess
he's already told you of me, so there's no need for introductions.
Welcome to the US, it's so good to see you again Neil, I never thought
I would get to see you again after I had to cancel everything." I watch
as she kisses him and then takes his hand. I wish that was me in Neil's
arms and then my hand in his, but no, I have to just accept it as it
is. Donna is about as tall as Neil, her eyes are green and her hair is
a touch of blonde and brown, it's nice I guess, she looks nice, but why
couldn't it be me he's in love with? I guess if things were different,
then yes, he would love me as much as he loves Donna. We leave the
airport after the security checks and head for Donna's car.
"I'll drop you off at your new home, I have to admit Nickola, you chose
a nice place, it overlooks everything. I wish I was living with you,
but I'm still needed with my family, so I guess I can't. Neil, once you
and Nickola are done unpacking, would you like to have a welcoming
dinner at our house?" Neil looks at me and I shrug, I'm not bothered, I
would rather have Neil to myself, but he's not in love with me and I
won't destroy our friendship over my jealously of his love with
Donna.
"That sounds wonderful, thank you, we'll be there." Donna hugs him
again and I notice something odd, he cringes slightly, not much to make
Donna notice, but I can see it, is he giving a problem with her? Is he
losing his love for her, oh I hope so, I really do, I know it sounds
nasty, but I want him to love me, and only me. We get in the car anyway
and go to our new home and I watch as Neil seems to have some strange
trouble with Donna that he no longer has with me, he's scared of
her.

We've been here for a few days now, the meal at Donna's was nice
enough, even though I could see Neil's fear slowly starting to
resurface, despite the fact he's in love with Donna, he doesn't know
her as well as he knows me, he's lived with me, I've helped him when
Donna cancelled everything, I've been there for him when he's down
while Donna has been here with her family, Neil seems to be more
trusting of me than her and I think that means he's slowly realising
his mistake in loving Donna when he should be loving me instead. Donna
is a nice person, so I don't hate her or anything, I just think Neil is
better off with someone who understands him better and who loves him
and will help him instead of just not noticing, Neil, please love me
instead, please. The past few days, we've been unpacking and Neil has
been looking for a job, I don't need to, even though I think it would
be a good idea, but Neil is saying that he doesn't want to sit around
the house all day, so I understand his reasoning. I'm going to do
whatever I can to help him anyway, he's also mentioned that he should
maybe look up Amy and see if she's okay, it's been a good while since
Tony died, over a year now and Neil's worried that Amy is feeling a lot
worse. I hope she's okay.

I think Nick is noticing something about me that is making me wonder if
something as changed in our friendship, when Donna touches me, I
suddenly feel uncomfortable and afraid, even though I do my best to
hide it. Donna isn't noticing it, but I know Nick is, am I falling in
love with Nick though, if so, what about Donna? Are these feelings I
have about her only a mask, am I that scared of her because she's a
compete stranger to me now? I don't know about that, I guess I'll just
let things happen naturally. I've found Amy and she would like to meet
me, so I'm off to meet her. I guess she still misses Tony a lot, so
I'll do my best to comfort her in her grief. I've arrived at a nice
park, this is where Amy is waiting and I can see her sitting at a park
bench looking out over a pond, she looks lonely and sad, like she has
lost everything in the world. I walk towards her and she sees me.
"Neil? It's good to meet you at last, I was going to meet you at the
airport, but I wasn't sure if I should or not. But never mind, you look
good, how's Nickola?" Tony once told me that one day he wanted to meet
Amy and give her a moment of happiness, just be there for her, he
didn't love her in a lustful way or a sexual way, but in a respectful
way, he liked her head strong manner, her stubbornness and her
determination to accept new things, he loved her a lot.
"You look great, I'm fine, Nick's wonderful. So how are you coping,
how's life?" Amy beckons over to the bench she had been just sitting on
and we go over to it and sit down.
"I guess everything's fine, if you call being lonely and unable to
accept the one you care for is really gone. Even at his funeral I
couldn't accept he was gone, and now a year later, I still miss him. I
only just met him and yet it feels like I've always known him, like we
were always friends. His death was so sudden, so quick, when I found
out he was dead, I refused to accept that, I refused to think he was
gone. But when the weeks passed and he never came online, I realised
that he was really gone, that he would no longer be there for me, for
his friends, that he would write no more stories, that he would no
longer be a friend, but a memory. I talked to his other friends about
it and they've all decided to move on, even though a few of them still
find it hard to believe. You must think I'm living on false hope and
the past, but I'm not, I wish he was here with me, I wish he was alive
and living the life he truly deserved. Instead though, he's back in the
UK, his body rotting in the ground and his personality, his being gone
from us to who ever knows where. One of my friends tells me I'm being
stupid, caring for a stranger like this, but she has no idea how much
he meant to me, to everyone. Neil, why did he have to die?" Amy begins
to cry and I let her cry on my shoulder, and I realise that I'm not
cringing, and I know what she means, why did he have to die? Tony,
wherever you are, we miss you so much.

Chapter 12: Helping a friend

It's been half a year now, Neil found a job and I've also found one,
it's not much, but that's okay, it's something. I've been noticing that
Neil is overworking a lot lately, saying something about tending to our
needs, I've told him that we have enough money to last us, but he's a
stubborn one, so I organise the odd hour of relaxation for him. His
relationship with Donna is actually starting to show sighs of problems,
I think it's only a matter of time before Donna falls in love with
someone else and Neil falls in love with me, can't wait. Right now, Amy
has come round to talk for a while, she's getting worse, she's really
depressed and I've tried to help her, but nothing seems to be working.
She went through to the bathroom a few minutes ago, saying there was
something she had to do, but no one takes this long in a bathroom
unless it's a bath or shower, oh no, she can't be doing what I think
she's doing. I run to the bathroom and knock on the door.
"Amy? If your in there doing what I think your doing, I'm breaking this
door down." No response, shit, she is. Okay, here goes. I smash the
door as hard as I can, but it doesn't budge.
"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!!! THIS ISN'T THE WAY TO LIVE WITH YOUR LOSS!"
Still no response, only one last option to do, I begin stepping back
until I can get a good run up and then I run as fast as I can towards
the door and then I jump and with a kick that would make even my mum
proud, I smash into the door and the lock inside breaks and the door
opens. I get up from where I fell on the ground and enter the bathroom,
Amy is standing at the sink with a knife aimed at her chest, that was
bloody close.
"Give me the knife Amy, this isn't the way to do things. Tony would
want you to live, not kill yourself." She looks at me and then
sighs.
"I miss him so much, you would think that after all this time, I would
be coping better with my grief, moving on and all that, but I can't,
it's too fucking hard! Why is it he had to die when there are people
out there who kill every day? He was kind, gentle, talented and he died
because of something like a heart attack, he died alone and unloved,
and that's how I'm going to end up, alone and unloved in a world where
good people die early and evil people live on, making things worse.
Nick, why did he die and leave me here alone? I know he never meant to,
but why did he die? Why didn't he get a chance of happiness in his
life, why couldn't he find true happiness? WHY?!!!!!!" She drops the
knife and I grab her as she begins to cry even harder and I cradle her
against my chest, would I be like this if Neil died?

Neil returned home a few minutes ago and he's sitting in the living
room with Amy, they're talking about Tony and death, I never knew Tony
at all, so I'm not sure what to say. I take some cold drinks through
anyway, I'm a little thirsty, so I may as well take through some for
the other two. As I enter the room, Neil is comforting Amy while she
cries harder.
"Shh Amy, shh. I know what you're going through, but we have to move on
now, live our lives. Tony would be saying the same thing, you know
that. If he was here now, he would probably say something like, 'Death
is only a step onwards, don't grief for me your whole life, just move
on, please. It's just the undiscovered country and I'm waiting for you,
but don't join me yet, live first, I'll so my best to wait for you.'
You know that and he would want you to live on without him. I know it's
hard, very hard." I pass him and Amy their drinks and Amy sits up and
takes a sip.
"I know that Neil, it's just hard to move on knowing that he never got
to live a life he truly deserved, a life where he could be with someone
he cared about and who cared for him in return. He once told me that if
he died, then he was sure that no one would miss him, not his family,
not his friends and he understood that, he said he had lived an
unremarkable life and that his death would mean nothing. He was wrong,
so wrong, his death did mean something, it meant that the one person
who truly cared for the world and his friends was gone for good. I once
told him that he was highly important to everyone and he just said in
what way, he was so unhappy with himself for being born in a country
that he hated and being with a family he had no love for. When we were
talking about the possibility of him living in the US, he thought about
it and then said that he would like that and asked me if I would be his
sponsor and I was happy to accept, and now he's dead before we could
even plan things out right." I listen to them as they talk about this
and I don't join in, I think it's best to just let them talk about
this, they both knew Tony and I didn't. I watch Neil though and he
looks at me and smiles gently and I see what looks like love in his
eyes, but that can't be, can it?

Chapter 13: Saying goodbye

Me and Neil both have a day off today, so we're just going to relax,
well I am, not sure about Neil though, but I'll try and get him to
relax anyway. We've been here for almost a year now and I have to admit
that it is hard, but it's also a lot of fun learning about all the new
places and just living here in a completely new country. I also think
that Neil's and Donna's relationship is slowly crumbling apart, it's
just a guess though. I think Neil is slowly starting to fall in love
with me though, I'm not sure, but from the look in his eyes and the
strange gentle moments when he just hugs me for no reason and sometimes
treats me to something nice, then I think he's starting to feel
different about me, I hope so. Anyway, Neil is in the living room and I
think he's stopped working for a while, so I'm going to give him a
massage to get his tense muscles to relax a little, I wish he wouldn't
work so much, it's not doing him a lot of good body wise, he's been
tired a lot lately and I think he's starting to have breathing
problems, he doesn't smoke and drink, but something's wrong. If it gets
any worse, I'll get him to a doctor as fast as I can. I can hear Neil
moving about and then he seems to stop and then starts to gasp for air,
oh no. I get up from the kitchen table and run through to the living
room and I see him, he's clutching his chest and he looks like he's in
pain. He turns his head slowly and I can see the pain in his
face.
"Nick...chest...pains, can't....breath." He then falls back onto the
sofa and I run over to him, oh no, please don't let this one be
serious, please! He's getting worse and then he closes his eyes and I
begin to panic.
"No Neil, please no! Come on, open your eyes damn it, open them!" I
cradle his head in my arms and I then lower it and begin to do CPR on
him, don't die on me Neil, please! After a few seconds of this, he
coughs and I cradle him again.
"I'm okay, I think. But it still hurts Nick, and it's getting worse
again, maybe if I just rest, I'll feel better." No, I can see it in his
eyes, he knows that he's not going to heal this time, it's getting
worse and I feel him begin to shudder.
"Maybe not Nick. Time up Nick, love....you." And then before I can say
anything, he closes his eyes and then just like that, dies in my arms.
It was so quick, so quick and I don't remember the rest, I was told
later though by Donna that I had called her and Amy and they had come
round fast. I don't remember anything other than his last words, 'love
you.' He loved me after all and I love him, so quick, so quick.

Chapter 14: Funeral moment

No rain, you would expect rain on a funeral, but no rain here, it's a
sunny day, like Neil had done this to show us the sun, like his eyes.
The service was short and sweet, a few songs were played, his family
couldn't afford to come, so they're not here. Just me, Amy, Donna and a
few other friends he made in his short time here. All I can hear though
are the birds singing, the sounds of life going on as normal. Was it
like this for Tony's funeral? Donna is crying, so is Amy, my tears are
refusing to fall, all week I've just felt numb, like I can't cry
anymore, like I'm as dead as Neil. I watch as his coffin is lowered
into the ground and Donna throws a single rose on the coffin, as does
Amy, I do as well.
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, may he find his peace in his beliefs."
The words sound cold and final, like he was never alive at all, as if
he was just a number that was deleted, nothing more. Only me, Amy and
Donna stay behind after the coffin is lowered and we hug each other in
sorrow.
"Two funerals for two friends, one I loved and one I cared for because
he was a friend to Tony, two funerals, not my fault, yet why do I feel
like I'm responsible for their deaths? First Tony and now Neil, am I a
jinx, a curse, am I going to kill anyone else by just living?" I hug
her and my tears then begin to fall.
"No, you're not a jinx, it isn't your fault. Death just happens, we can
never predict it, never know it. Don't blame yourself for what is just
a normal part of life, a part of life that can be so quick." It was so
quick, one moment he was alive, the next he was dead, just like that,
no warning that he was going to have problems until they happened, and
even then it was so quick. His life just over in the time it takes to
make a lifetime of choices, dead and gone.
"Nickola, what were his last words, you've never said. You can tell me,
I know that our relationship was slowly crumbling, but I just want to
know his last words." His last words, so sudden, so wanted, so
final.
"He said, 'Time up Nick, love you.', that's all. When I looked in his
eyes before he died, I saw him accepting that his time had come and yet
he was scared of never seeing me again, of leaving me alone. His death
was so quick though, only took a minute, nothing more than that, just a
little minute. A minute that will forever be in my memory, frozen and
always there, a memory of a single minute." We don't say anything else
after that, there's no more words to say, only the words in our hearts
and eyes, and the loss of one we loved and cared for, a friend and a
lover. May you find your peace Neil, and say hi to Tony for Amy, love
you and miss you, goodbye my love.

Chapter 15: Goodbye everyone

There, that's everything. I loved him so much and I still love him a
lot, I miss him so much it hurts, it's like a piece of me is gone and
can't be replaced. It's been a week since his funeral and it's just
hard to live without him here with me, I miss his voice, his laughter,
his smile, his eyes. I miss everything about him, his good and bad
points, now I know how Amy feels about Tony. It feels like you're
incomplete, like a piece of you that makes you live is gone, the key to
your heart and your future, gone. I can't live on without him anymore,
this is it, the end, the final curtain, the big goodbye. Donna left,
did you know that? She just packed up and left after the funeral,
saying she needed to go somewhere where she had wanted to take Neil,
Amy is still here, still living on. But when I talked to her this
morning, she said something about visiting Tony's grave again, trying
to say goodbye, maybe even live near his grave, be near him until she
died. I've decided to do the same, to stay here and be near Neil, only
I'm not going to live, I'm going to join him. So I'm writing this final
letter to say goodbye, my last words so to speak. Mum, if you're
reading this, don't blame Neil for my death, you knew how much I loved
him, you knew that I would die to be with him and I think you knew that
and that's why you decided to help Neil. I'll miss you mum, love you,
thank you for my life, it was fun. Donna, if you're still alive and
reading this, don't grief for me, I was only a friend, Neil was the one
you loved. Don't blame yourself for his death either, just live on,
Neil would like that if he knew. Be happy, remember him, but don't die
for him, just live on. And now Amy, I understand your pain, your loss,
Tony would be with you right now if he could, you know that. But don't
live in the past, don't give up on life, love someone else, even if
that love isn't the same, but live on for Tony, he's probably watching
over you, wanting you to move on. One day, you two will meet again,
until then though, just live life, be happy and remember him. Well
that's all I can think of to say, so this is it, my last words. I loved
life, it was amazing, hard and so interesting. When I met Neil, I was
so in love with him from the start, that the moment I met him was
engraved in my life, and now his death is also engraved in my life, the
memory of that one moment he lived and then died in my arms. Love you
Neil, see you soon.

Don't cry for me, I'm already dead.

Love, Nickola.

Chapter 16: Amy's words

I heard about Nickola's death last night and I know of her words to me.
She has a point, a very good point, so I'll live on, for Tony, for Neil
and for Nickola and for myself. I'm standing at Tony's grave, it's a
simple grave, only what his family could afford, but it's enough. The
words on his grave are so final, so short.

Anthony Neil Watt
B: April 26th, 1979
D: December 16th, 2001

A friend to many, an enemy to few. Missed, loved and gone.

See what I mean? So short, so final. He was so kind and he gave so much
care and love to his friends, yet he was treated like he was nothing,
like he was a threat. He was so different, so unhappy. And now Neil and
Nickola are dead as well, my friends are dying all around me and I miss
them all. I wish I had been with him at his death, I wish I had been
there to just help him die in the arms of a friend instead of dying
alone in a cold house with his family asleep and not knowing until the
next day, he died without happiness, only pain, loneliness and probably
no last words. I miss you Tony, I miss you so much and I will be
meeting you when my time comes, for now though, I will live on, for
you. Love you and miss you, I hope you have found peace at last.

Author's note: Final words from Tony himself

No, I'm not dead, if I was, then who would be writing this? No, I'm
just going to say my authors note before I begin something new. Neil
and Nickola do not exist in life, they are characters that I've made up
from years of planning this story, the first Always there, yet just met
I wrote was just a small, basic form of this one. I wrote this one
because the ideas just became a lot better than what I had to begin
with, with the help of friends, I've managed to make more ideas for the
story and now it's done. To those of you who actually read my stories,
you'll have noticed I did a small link to my story, A wish of forever,
and it was intentional. Everything I write is from what I know and what
I understand, if this isn't what you think it is, then welcome to my
imagination, I write in non-normal ways, I don't go for basics, I go
for feelings. I write from my heart and my memories, not from a book, I
don't copy from anyone else, all my stories are my own ideas, my own
work. Well I hope you enjoyed the very last Always there, yet just met.
I have no plans on bringing Neil and Nickola back, I'm going to work on
new ideas instead. I hope you like my work and until the next time, bye
bye.

Tony Watt, giving his stories to all.

Of memories and feelings, they give me my world.
Of love and feelings, I give my own world to you.
Of my own words and my own thoughts, I give to all.
Of me and my life, I give of a world and the ideas to make a world to
know.

End.