MY SON DAMIEN

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE MY SON
Sitting and thinking about the harm I have done
Whilst trying so hard yet still failing my son
His adult life still not yet begun looking at him
Always red eyed right from dawn to dusk
For such a youngster too many spliffs he smokes in one day
Seeing and hearing knowing the things he has done and will still
do
Wheeling and wheeling and dealing getting real spaced out
Making his deals n dealing them out
Does not see that each time I hear the door
I'm wondering if his wheeling n dealing has caught up with him
Is Today the day there will be anger or fighting a deal said to be
bad
Or an officer coming to arrest him maybe drag him away
To a dank dark cell many miles away
He never has a worry, never a doubt; this he says is what life is
about
I could be mugging pensioners or be robbing houses in a black
hood
Get of my case I only wheel and deal if a bargain comes my way
I'm only selling a class c drug doing my buddies some good
Making sure their well supplied with their bud
So why are you the one to supply? Look around please see what I
see
Why if it's such a cool thing to do they come knocking on our
door
Sit down n chill maybe a fiddle on p2 you may even make them a
brew
Sounds of movements getting what you have stashed away
You sort them their deal and I am sure some pay
Or maybe you stand the tab for them until another day
I hear creaking and squeaking then ahhhh a slam
Reassurance the deal had been done I can again start breathing
That is for as long as it before your phone rings or yet another knock
at our door
Then I will be crossing my fingers holding my breath once more
If I try to voice my disagreement I know without a doubt
He will punch and kick doors throw things about
With fear of his actions I know I will scream and shout
Hoping hell realise his violent actions are freaking me out
All my shouting will cause is another hole in the door
Or a broken utensil tossed on our floor
Maybe it's me who is brain dead stupid in some way
For thinking that wheeling and dealing selling dodgy goods
Supplying others their dope and getting stoned every waking
second
Ducking n diving each and every single day
Will only bring trouble in the future if we are lucky not today
Its going to happen one day your dodgy dealings
Will catch up with you one day but remember

You are not the only one who will pay
I know you love me you tell me every day
Tell me all you want is for me to be happy not sad
Yet still you live the same as you did yesterday
Wheeling, dealing, ducking, diving, supplying a bud
Getting real stoned from awakening until flaying
Too stoned to sometimes wash or undress
Then you will wake up again today doing the same
All those yesterdays today's and tomorrows are doing no good
If you disagree with me then what more can I say?
But please look in my eyes what do you see
I am sad and far to tiered to ask, question or tell you I
disagree
As it will end as a battle of you're kicking. Punching
Breaking objects leaving them broke on the floor
And me screaming not only at your actions when you're angry today
But all my frustrations of all yesterdays and tomorrows
As you still keep doing things that will bring trouble to you
But while you are buzzing not caring at all
For as long as you're Wheeling, dealing, ducking, diving, supplying a
bud
I am so unhappy and sad, as I am frustrated and angry with you my
son
I don't want the lifestyle you seem to think is such good fun
And I don't know how much longer my patience can run '
So now tell me I am not a failing mum when not only can I not see it
your way
But if you carry on doing tomorrow what you did not only yesterday but
also today
I cannot promise you I will not fail you more tomorrow as I did
today
As for as long as you are doing the things that you do
I will be sad and unhappy wondering how long I will live this way
Whatever son there is one certainty today
I love you unconditionally and that will always be
As you are so important and special to me

Love you Damien always-mum xxx
JUN O3