{Secret of a man's love}

She was beautiful , a gift .  the sun and moon finally sharing a kiss. When she spoke everyone listened. When she walked everyone stopped breathing , you breathed for a second you might miss her. When she entered the room she created an atmosphere  but when she left, your soul left with her. She was an entity. No one knew her name and if you asked , she’d say “ call me secret .” Giggling , ” I’m sure you won’t have a secret like me” . It wasn’t just any giggle...It touched your soul. It was something you only experience in dreams... In those dreams, you never want to wake up from. If you say “  seriously, what is your name. I don’t want to forget you….I want to find you, I want to keep you with me “ she would respond with “ And you will keep me my love. You will keep me boxed up in memory playing my voice over and over again like a broken record. “it’s true. It’s hard to forget someone so unique to this world. She was raw she was just a breath of fresh air. when she touched you, you could feel yourself coming to life again. The love she’d spread was distinctive. She was the reason I wanted to live again. Was she rich? was she poor? Who are her parents? does she even have any family? Why can she not answer any of these questions? I wanted so badly to get something out of her that can tie us together but everyday id sees her sitting by the window, siping her black bitter coffee, she would simply answer with “ Now if you found me out, this wouldn’t be fun anymore.” there she goes with that little laugh again. “Don’t make that face, listen someday you’ll find the answers to all your question but as of right now, enjoy me… or as I like to say, enjoy your little secret” she leaned over the table and kissed my forehead “ I have to go now, See you again soon” little did I know that day was the last time I would ever see her again.  Every day after that I would visit the same little cafe in hopes I would see her sitting by the window drinking her coffee while looking down into her glass as if she were searching for some answers of her own. Every time I would enter her smile would almost instantly appear. Where is my little secret? I don’t see her as a secret anymore. I want to read this read book. I flip only to find more blank pages. Is it so wrong of me to want this validation? now I sit here drinking the coffee she drank,  Filling my own void with bitterness, searching for my own answers as I hear her whisper my name softly into the wind “ Erick” she would whisper. Not shout, not call , not scream but whisper . she was too grateful for that. Ah yes her grace. Something I will no longer be able to touch, hold, kiss...let alone love. What will a lonely man like myself do? Find another? Try and create some copy? No, I want my secret! I left a half-empty coffee cup sitting on the small table just to rush and chase after what seems to be a figment of my imagination “there you are! I - oh … I’m terribly sorry. I thought you were someone.” she looked terrified. I don’t blame her . a random man grabbing her shoulders and manhandling her …. I just wish no one else had those long black locks then maybe finding her wouldn’t be so hard. Now here I am cursed for all eternity to find a lost love that no longer wants to be found. My days will forever remain in solitude. may those who read this enjoy my words of love and sorrow and may my little secret somehow one day read this and remember you were the only thing that ever made me feel young again. You taught me to laugh, love and snivel all at once but only to you. 

Your one and only 

Erick Caster 

EC