london_calling79
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Surasawa Pond
By Surasawa pond on a billboard a holy man paints a lie: ‘On the third day of the third month the dragon of this pond will ascend to heaven.’ Two men...
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Calloused to Birdsong
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Draw a line. Scrape it through trees. Dissect mountains, valleys, lakes. Forget the sun, gaudy bauble, wasting rays whoring light and fix your border...
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RIP OED
Help! Help me! I’m being attacked. Intimidated. Violated. Invaded. The words. They’ve ganged up on me. They've crowded my eyes, cut off my exits,...
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Indelible
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I can see your scars. They're in the way you talk, how you pull your sleeves down. How you slump. I can see your scars. They're in your stare. From...
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- 1961 reads
That gear change at the end
Posted on Mon, 19 Mar 2018
That gear change at the end of the first verse...can hear it resound. Stunning imagery.
Read full commentPosted in Shifting Sands
FUCK yes.
Posted on Wed, 21 Feb 2018
FUCK yes.
Read full commentPosted in coldest planet
I love the cadence. To drop
Posted on Sat, 09 Dec 2017
I love the cadence. To drop the lines as you've done and maintain the mood is a skill. Agree with PhillipS the last line makes it.
Read full commentPosted in True nature
I like this already. It's
Posted on Sat, 17 Dec 2016
I like this already. It's intriguing and snappy, has a first scene of a film feeling to it - breezy. It's not easy to write about football authentically so I'll be interested to see how you carry on with this. Keep posting and welcome to the site...
Read full commentPosted in The Loanee - Page 1
I found the insertion of
Posted on Fri, 16 Dec 2016
I found the insertion of images jarring at first but when I got used to them it gave a powerful effect akin to 'We didn't start the fire.'
Read full commentPosted in subjected/ subjugated
Absorbed by this. Put me in
Posted on Mon, 25 Jul 2016
Absorbed by this. Put me in mind of the opening chapter of 'The Curious Incident...' not just with the plot but also with the (very different) twist on the everyday your protagonist has. Is this the start of something?
Read full commentPosted in Witnesses
Great voice. Clipped prose.
Posted on Tue, 12 Jul 2016
Great voice. Clipped prose. Dances along nicely. Would love to read more. Welcome!
Read full commentPosted in Memoirs of a Wanna Be: Intro and Chapter 1
Great re-write. Much more
Posted on Thu, 07 Jul 2016
Great re-write. Much more focused and evocative.
Read full commentPosted in Her
Reminded me of Plath in some
Posted on Mon, 11 Jul 2016
Reminded me of Plath in some lines. Great writing.
Read full commentPosted in Addicts
This is gorgeous - the rose
Posted on Fri, 08 Jul 2016
This is gorgeous - the rose lines in particular. Can I make a suggestion to steer away from some cliches like 'lit up every room'? The rest of your lines are so well crafted you could go for something more obscure.
Read full commentPosted in Beautiful
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