By Surasawa pond on a billboard a holy man paints a lie: ‘On the third day of the third month the dragon of this pond will ascend to heaven.’ Two men...
Draw a line. Scrape it through trees. Dissect mountains, valleys, lakes. Forget the sun, gaudy bauble, wasting rays whoring light and fix your border...
126 of my comments have received 128 Great Feedback votes
1 Vote
Absorbed by this. Put me in
Posted on Mon, 25 Jul 2016
Absorbed by this. Put me in mind of the opening chapter of 'The Curious Incident...' not just with the plot but also with the (very different) twist on the everyday your protagonist has. Is this the start of something?
This is gorgeous - the rose lines in particular. Can I make a suggestion to steer away from some cliches like 'lit up every room'? The rest of your lines are so well crafted you could go for something more obscure.
I think there's loads to love in here. One bit I thought you could change would be
'With a certainty
Of knowledge
Which ironically
Belies her
Relatively minimal
Years.'
Absorbed by this. Put me in
Posted on Mon, 25 Jul 2016
Absorbed by this. Put me in mind of the opening chapter of 'The Curious Incident...' not just with the plot but also with the (very different) twist on the everyday your protagonist has. Is this the start of something?
Read full commentPosted in Witnesses
Great voice. Clipped prose.
Posted on Tue, 12 Jul 2016
Great voice. Clipped prose. Dances along nicely. Would love to read more. Welcome!
Read full commentPosted in Memoirs of a Wanna Be: Intro and Chapter 1
Great re-write. Much more
Posted on Thu, 07 Jul 2016
Great re-write. Much more focused and evocative.
Read full commentPosted in Her
Reminded me of Plath in some
Posted on Mon, 11 Jul 2016
Reminded me of Plath in some lines. Great writing.
Read full commentPosted in Addicts
This is gorgeous - the rose
Posted on Fri, 08 Jul 2016
This is gorgeous - the rose lines in particular. Can I make a suggestion to steer away from some cliches like 'lit up every room'? The rest of your lines are so well crafted you could go for something more obscure.
Read full commentPosted in Beautiful
I think there's loads to love
Posted on Thu, 07 Jul 2016
I think there's loads to love in here. One bit I thought you could change would be
'With a certainty
Of knowledge
Which ironically
Belies her
Relatively minimal
Years.'
In my opinion it's a little...
Read full commentPosted in Her
This is beautiful! Such sharp
Posted on Sat, 02 Jul 2016
This is beautiful! Such sharp lines and juxtaposing images left me emotionally battered and bruised. Great work!
Read full commentPosted in La Boisselle (Raprochement)
Such a powerful, guttural,
Posted on Mon, 04 Jul 2016
Such a powerful, guttural, earthy sound to this poem. Beautiful words and harsh sounds capture the wild wonderfully well.
Read full commentPosted in The Begwns*
Fire warms and fire burns. I
Posted on Sat, 30 Apr 2016
Fire warms and fire burns. I like the way you've played with this and the demonisation of Nero when he was perhaps doing Rome a favour!
Read full commentPosted in Prometheus's Legacy
Full of sharp lines and sharp
Posted on Sun, 13 Mar 2016
Full of sharp lines and sharp, sticky textures. A tasty slice of the past.
Read full commentPosted in New Beginnings (IP)
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