The bricks they may bleed and the rain it may weep And the damp Lagan fog lulls the city to sleep. It's to Hell with the future, we'll live in the past May the Lord in his mercy be kind to Belfast. Maurice James Craig
Full of stunning, standout lines but by no means just those - a wonderful atmosphere I just can't touch. You move from claustrophobia to expanse in a few short words.
Your structure and short lines work well here. Effective. Not sure 'deaths ordain' works and shouldn't there be some apostrophes? The ending is strong though.
There's a wonderful depth and weight to your lines. I wonder if it would be punchier if you were to remove some verbs and prepositions such as 'are, which, where' etc. May shorten the lines without impacting on the meaning - making it starker....
A lovely perspective.
Posted on Sun, 14 Feb 2016
A lovely perspective. 'Quietly seed-feeding' is a standout line.
Read full commentPosted in Splendid Blue
Sure footed internal rhyme
Posted on Sat, 13 Feb 2016
Sure footed internal rhyme used so well throughout until the lack of it emphasises the cold hard ending. Pitch perfect vignette.
Read full commentPosted in China Songbird - re written
The angel's in the details.
Posted on Wed, 13 Jan 2016
The angel's in the details. Lovely piece.
Read full commentPosted in Chandelier
Full of stunning, standout
Posted on Mon, 08 Feb 2016
Full of stunning, standout lines but by no means just those - a wonderful atmosphere I just can't touch. You move from claustrophobia to expanse in a few short words.
Read full commentPosted in Karelia (Poetry Monthly)
Your structure and short
Posted on Sat, 06 Feb 2016
Your structure and short lines work well here. Effective. Not sure 'deaths ordain' works and shouldn't there be some apostrophes? The ending is strong though.
Read full commentPosted in Apart
I love the little world of
Posted on Sat, 23 Jan 2016
I love the little world of this. Very well chosen images which develop the conceit. 'Unlearned like spellings' is one of my favourites.
Read full commentPosted in Never forget smoking
There's a wonderful depth and
Posted on Sat, 23 Jan 2016
There's a wonderful depth and weight to your lines. I wonder if it would be punchier if you were to remove some verbs and prepositions such as 'are, which, where' etc. May shorten the lines without impacting on the meaning - making it starker....
Read full commentPosted in Bridge Street
Beautiful, original images of
Posted on Fri, 22 Jan 2016
Beautiful, original images of pork, spongy wood and sulphur flags. The 'until' in line 5 jars a bit but can't explain why. Well crafted.
Read full commentPosted in The Wood Eaters
Harsh and bleak.
Posted on Fri, 22 Jan 2016
Harsh and bleak. Cold and frigid. I loved the hardiness of the buzzards 'winning'. A final nail.
I thought in these lines that the focus was less intense. Possibly that 'bows' already hints at deference so no need to repeat.
'Grass...
Read full commentPosted in Seven Days Frozen
This is a great teaser!
Posted on Tue, 08 Sep 2015
This is a great teaser!
Read full commentPosted in Nothing About Nothing
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