Fri, 29 Jun 2018
5.15: Pointless Talking Animals - Special edition of the quiz in which pairs of talking animals answer questions on 80s films, European flags and famous Peruvians.
6.00 - 8.30: Grown Men kicking a ball around.
8.30 - 9.30 The Drinking World Cup - The Lads Army take up the challenge of drinking a swimming pool full of lager during the duration of the England-Columbia game.
9.30 - 10.30 Question Twats - A bunch of idiotic twats are asked questions by a studio audience.
10.30 - 12.00 Russia - it's not too bad really - A belated attempt to appease the World Cup hosts with a favorable documentary.
6.00 - 6.30 Richard Osmond's What's The Quiz - Richard Osmond launches yet another new quiz in a bid to repeat the success of Pointless. Will anyone work out what the hell the point of the game is before it's decommissioned. New Series. Episode 1 of 1. Last in Series. Never to be seen again.
6.30 - 7.00: Ramesh Ranganathan Spends a Week in a Portaloo - The BBC funnyman spends a week living in a portaloo. With Sue Perkins.
7.00 - 8.00: My Nazi Cheesecake - Mary Berry and historian Alice Roberts challenge a team of celebrities to recreate actual Nazi cake recipes. With Jamie Oliver, John Humphreys and Adele Hitler.
8.00 - 9.00: The NHS - A Documentary Maker's Dream - Celebrating 70 years of documentaries about the NHS.
9.00 - 10.00: Vince Cable, If I was in Government - An in-depth interview with the Lib Dem leader in which he reveals that he is entirely oblivious to the fact that he spent five years as a government minister.
10.00 - 11.00: Living off Twigs - Part of the Poverty Porn series. A group of Etonian billionaires spend three minutes living off nothing but twigs. Later, in a £40,000 a head restaurant, they spend the rest of the programme complaining that the poor have it easy.
6.00 - 7.00: Posh People Buy Expensive Things - Cailtlin and Jeremy spend a lot of money on things they don't need.
7.00 - 9.00: New Morse Spinoff - A character seen looking confused in a Chinese takeaway in an early episode of Morse is given his own spinoff series. Episode 1 of 43,972.
9.00 - 11.00: Who'd Win Now? - The surviving members of the 1966 Germany and England World Cup teams meet for a replay.
7.00 - 8.00 Goggle Watch - Members of the public are filmed watching Goggle Box.
8.00 - 9.00 Happy Love Island - Jed and Alun look for romance, but there isn't anyone else on the island so their quest ends in disappointment.
9.00 - 12.00: Cheesy Wotsits the Musical - with Meryl Streep, Nigel Havers and Catherine Zeta Jones.
6.00 - 7.00 The Chrystal Maze on Chrystal Meths - feat. Keith Lemon and Patsy Kensit.
7.00 - 8.00 My Autistic Teddy Bear - The bear who doesn't like to be cuddled.
8.00 - 9.00 Twigs After Brexit - An expert panel discuss the impact Brexit will have on British Twigs. Featuring Nigel Farage, Barry Gibb and the cast of Friends.
9.00 - 10.00 Fuck Business - In a special extended interview the Foreign Secretary outlines his plans for fucking the UK economy.
6.00 - 7.00 Secret Service Duck - Pensioner Vicky Allright is shocked to discover that her duck, Sir Reginald, is secretly working for the British government.
7.00 - 8.00 My Muslim Fag Packet - no preview available.
8.00 - 9.00 Naked Date - Jeff and Ermantrude go to the British Museum. How many double entendres can Sue Perkins make about the exhibits.
9.00 - 10.00 My Transvestite Duck - Meredith Mudhoney's duck, Virginia, has started wearing men's clothing.
10.00 - 11.00 Jean Cleaners - Jean Cleaners are here to help when Patrick gest mud on his Levis.
All Day - Sport, sport, sport, sport. Highlights of the cricket, cycling, rugby, darts, tennis, athletics and numerous other sports that were stupidly scheduled to coincide with the football world cup.
6.00 - 6.30 - 30 Minute Wing It - 3 minor celebrities are asked to fill 30 minutes of airtime without any preparation whilst performing utterly tedious challenges.
6.30 - 7.00 - 30 Minute Wing It - 3 minor celebrities are asked to fill 30 minutes of airtime without any preparation whilst performing utterly tedious challenges.
7.00 - 7.30 - 30 Minute Wing It - 3 minor celebrities are asked to fill 30 minutes of airtime without any preparation whilst performing utterly tedious challenges.
7.30 - 12.30 - 300 Minute Wing It - Special Edition, 3 minor celebrities are asked to fill 300 minutes of airtime without any preparation whilst performing utterly tedious challenges.
7.00 - 11.00 King Lear - Danny Dyer heads an all-star cast, bringing his own unique style to a classic script. "Nuffin don't come from nuffin. You twat."