reaching for you

By hannahxrose

Mon, 27 Apr 2009

1075 reads

3 comments

Your hand reaches out to take mine
The way a robin reaches it’s nest in winter
When it’s own are ready to fly

Your mouth reaches out to take mine
The way a bluebell reaches the sky in spring
When it’s leaves do swallow the rain

Your body reaches out to take mine
The way a leaf reaches the earth in autumn
When it’s branch can no longer uphold

Certificate U

Poem

Romance

Comments

This is lovely Hannah,

Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on Tue, 2009-04-28 13:37

This is lovely Hannah, beautiful uniform structure. 'The way a bluebell reaches the sky in spring When it’s leaves do swallow the rain' - I love these lines I just think it would have greater impact if you lost the 'do' - it would flow much better - but just a suggestion ;) 'When it’s branch can no loner uphold' - just a pesky little typo there I think, should it be 'longer'? Excellent poem! Magic xxx

Thanks for commenting. I

Permalink Submitted by hannahxrose on Mon, 2009-05-04 09:38

Thanks for commenting. I like your idea of losing the 'do', i also think it would flow better. I will have a think about the last line, I wasn't completely happy with this line, it should be powerful. hannahxx

hannahxrose

i concur...this is a

Permalink Submitted by Curse of 222 on Thu, 2009-04-30 00:10

i concur...this is a wonderful little piece with intriguing images. good job! jason

jason