How to Read This Story

The story that follows is one of love, hope, despair and heartbreaking tragedy, not unlike William Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’.
But before you read it I’d like to give you some practical advice on how to plan your reading experience so that it will be thoroughly rewarding.

Emotional rollercoasters are never easy in practice, and rest assured you’ll want to avoid the typical annoyances whilst being at optimum comfort. Optimum comfort can be achieved easily, and is best accomplished while inside the home; be it a house, flat, bungalow or castle.
Chairs, however luxurious they may be, can never provide optimum comfort due to the seated position required when using them, so it is best to start with either a bed or a sofa. Lying on the bed/ sofa and propping up your head with pillows is a good start, as you’ll want to be able to see the text, whether it appears on laptop, paper, iPhone, iPad (or even scatched into pastry). In either case falling tears of sadness can cause damage and therefore it is a good idea to hold the medium at a distance appropriate to how well you can see (dampness can also be avoided by wearing a small plastic bib). If you are having difficulty finding an optimum reading distance, then you can use this font as an example of how big the text will appear during the story. If you can see this writing now, without squinting, then you are doing something right.
It is never sensible to attempt to reach optimum comfort whilst outdoors or during transportation, and I would suggest making your way to a gastro pub or any other food/ beverage merchants that are likely to have extended lounging chairs.
If you are outdoors and it is impossible for you to reach the indoors then I would recommend carrying a hammock and umbrella with you at all times (although this isn’t an approved method of reaching optimum comfort). Never read the following story while on any kind or transport; it will make you feel sick.
Once you have found yourself a suitable spot to recline, the next step is to create a ‘nesting spot’. This involves building your own re-envisioning of the womb’s comfort, and is best achieved by assembling a duvet dome over youself. You can use towels or sheets if you do not have enough duvets to hand, but the material you use must be soft!
Unplugging any electronic devices that are liable to make noise during your reading experience will silence them, except for any fire alarms which should not be touched. Infact, it is worthwhile turning off all electronic devices so that there will be no distractions, and pets, children and spouses should be eschewed for the duration of the story.
Planning ahead will prove to be massively beneficial, and I would suggest travelling to your local post office depot to check that no packages are likely to arrive amidst your reading experience. You should also be very well nourished before you begin; a large steak with plenty of vegetation is a great meal on which to read a story, but be careful of over consumption as you may contract an uneasy bowel.
Lastly but not leastly, once you are inside your nesting spot and have the text at optimum distance, you may turn your iPod back on. Pop the earphones in your ears and choose one of the following recommended musical accompaniments to aid and enrich your experience.

> The first twenty seconds of Iron Maiden’s ‘The Clairvoyant’.
> The Piano Tribute Players’ version of Lady Antebellum’s ‘Love Don’t Live Here’.
> Any song which includes a horn medly or instrumental.

And without further ado, here is the story:

Billy cried. A terrible industrial accident had turned his legs to foam rubber.

He will never run again.